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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
parklives · 22/02/2018 18:39

Wow, super bitchy so called friend!

FluffyHippo · 22/02/2018 18:39

Of course, It's only a bitchy comment if you judge someone for having three children by different men and plastic surgery. The responses on this thread suggest that most Mumsnetters do see these things as class or morality markers...

Raver84 · 22/02/2018 18:40

He's has probably asked more about you and she's been honest I personally don't see the problem and whilst Id hope it wouldn't put him off any mention of kids will sent some men in the other direction, let alone three. Three children would be a deal breaker for lots of men. Not all men are interested and if he's not that's his choice and your better off with soemone who is interested kids or not.

DextroDependant · 22/02/2018 18:41

She sounds jealous to be honest, either of your perky boobs or an exciting new romance.

Adviceplease360 · 22/02/2018 18:42

Of course, It's only a bitchy comment if you judge someone for having three children by different men and plastic surgery. The responses on this thread suggest that most Mumsnetters do see these things as class or morality markers...

this

44PumpLane · 22/02/2018 18:42

Yeah I'm afraid I agree with agnes and rolltop- it could be relevant if the OPs colleague/friend actually views OP as a colleague and the guy as a Friend.

And maybe she knows the guy wouldn't be interested in dating someone with 3 kids, or with 3 kids with 3 Dads - there could be many reasons.

Not least that I imagine your contact arrangements may make it difficult to get any child free time OP.

You might have brilliant contact arrangements and loads of ability to date without the kids cramping your style but only really you know that.

For all we know you might be a mega drama queen so thecolleague felt the need to warn her pal?!

Need more context- those facts could be very relevant or not at all relevant.

MelanieSmooter · 22/02/2018 18:42

The hypocrisy here is actually amazing. As if you wouldn’t ‘advise’ your female friends to be careful of a bloke with 3 kids by 3 women, of course you all would.

OP, if he’s still interested then you’ll have the last laugh. If not, no loss really.

Rudgie47 · 22/02/2018 18:42

Shes jealous pure and simple and is trying to sabotage your chances with this man. Maybe she fancies him herself or just cant bare the thought of you being happy.
It does'nt matter if you have 100 different kids to a 100 different men, is not her place to tell this man.
Whatever happens with him, you need to have nothing else to do with her apart for polite work based conversations. She isnt your friend.

flumpybear · 22/02/2018 18:42

She's a gossiping and not in a nice way - fancy saying three different dads - is she suggesting you're a tart or can't keep a man?
Cheeky cow !

Sparklesocks · 22/02/2018 18:44

Super bitchy!
And ignore those being rude on here about your life OP, they’re clutching their pearls so hard I’m surprised their fingers are still attached..

NataliaOsipova · 22/02/2018 18:45

it could be relevant if the OPs colleague/friend actually views OP as a colleague and the guy as a Friend.

But then why make a point of telling the OP she's told him? If she felt the need to warn the guy off, which, assuming he's a grown up, is questionable anyway, why rub the OP's nose in the fact?

DeathStare · 22/02/2018 18:45

Of course, It's only a bitchy comment if you judge someone for having three children by different men and plastic surgery

It's also bitchy because those things are fairly personal things. The OP has a right to decide for herself who she shares personal information with and when, even if it wasn't stuff that people would be judgey about. I'm guessing when she is asked to introduce herself the OP doesn't say "My name is BearsandHearts I have three DC by three fathers and I have had a boob job". Those are things she shares later down the line when she wants to

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2018 18:49

Have you been in contact with him since she did that?

blackteasplease · 22/02/2018 18:51

Seems bizarre and bitchy. Then again any man who would judge you for that might be worth steering clear of?

Winteriscoming18 · 22/02/2018 18:51

I think plenty of women would judge a man who’s had three dc to three different women I know I would tbh it’s not a slight on op but some it will be a deal breakers others not so much.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/02/2018 18:52

I agree absolutely with Lashalicious - it was not her place to tell this guy your personal history. Children at a push if he asked, but to divulge a boob job is showing her true colors.

What a cah!!!!

fia101 · 22/02/2018 18:52

Nothing wrong with 3 kids by 3 dads or boob job but your friend picking out those specific attributes and gossiping makes it something gossipy

Thisimmortalcurl · 22/02/2018 18:52

If she had mention you had 3 kids then I think that would be totally fine but to tell him very personal information both about the children and your body is not on at all .
Sounds like some sort of jealous cow on a power trip.
Are you still going to meet the guy?

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 18:55

He's been in touch tonight and still wants to meet tomorrow. He didn't mention seeing my colleagues and her telling him these things and I'm not going to mention it

OP posts:
jkl0311 · 22/02/2018 18:56

OP by no means is she a friend she's trying to paint you in a bad night to a so called friend that she too may have her eye on. It really depends on your age and dc's age. I think a man in her forties feels different to a man in his twenties. Would you tell us a bit more ages etc? And have you spoke to him since? I would distance myself from this colleague though

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/02/2018 18:57

Bit oversharing, but as it’s true, don’t really understand why you’re cross. Just own it.

mickeysminnie · 22/02/2018 18:59

If it is all true what is the problem?

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 19:00

I'm 34 and he is 37. She's 41 but seems very happy in her marriage and her husband is a nice guy. I'm cross thick and thin because it's personal and she's shared this to embarrass me maybe?

OP posts:
Aridane · 22/02/2018 19:00

I’d be cross -it’s personal info for,you to disclose as and when you see fit

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 22/02/2018 19:01

What's wrong with having different fathers for your dcs?
It's just a patriarchal society trying to shame women.

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