To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

[BearsandHearts]

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

No, it was bitchy how she deliberately told him the bits of OP she felt were immoral/unattractive (though never known fake boobs to put any man off-the contrary), to try and put him off, then told the op in a fake friend giggle so that she couldn't be accused of being two faced 'cos I told you'.
That isn't a friend. I assume she didn't share any good points. Bet she didn't say 'oh she's really pretty and a lovely mum'.

Look I mustn't be that bad as my ex is really keen for me to meet someone and championed this date lol

Good luck and ignore the crap on this thread. I have 5 children by 3 men and have a stable and happy life as do my children. We're not all virgin Mary's with a clear scoresheet in life

This thread isn't about me. I assume you're talking about the fact I was unhappy with dh crass comment and that's now been sorted

Using others threads against them is pathetic. We're not talking about me aswell.

blackberry
Every person fucks up whilst parenting.
My eldest was totally ashamed of me during my last pregnancy. They had just done sex education at school. He didn't let me go to sports day cos his friends would know what I'd done!
My kids all have the same dad and there are always issues. Albeit, he is a dick.
My friend has 3x3 and her youngest is the favoured one. But, as a stepdad he's amazing and whilst there is a lot of 'but you aren't my dad' there are benefits as well.
TBH referring to other threads isn't in the spirit, people post needing advice for the information they give. Not what they thought last Friday or a month ago.

Sounds like she is jealous

This thread is fucking mental!

Regardless of what ‘side’ you’re on, surely it was up to OP to decide to tell this man, and he in turn could decide if he didn’t want to see her again?

@OP you said in your first post that you told her off for putting ideas in his head. What did you mean?? Just curious!

Although, sorry but the point about @busybeesbutt is true and warrants pointing out.

Her children are suffering because of her decisions and it’s unfair of her to pretend otherwise to a poster who could potentially be in a similar situation!

I have five children by two fathers, my ex husband and my DH.

Neither I nor anybody else finds this particularly noteworthy, therefore I find it difficult to understand some of the rabid extrapolations regarding the experiences of OPs children.

It’s irrelevant what she told him, the fact is that she positively gloated about having told him things she perceived as negative. It’s nasty & bitchy.

As for some of the comments on this thread...I’d sooner go out with a woman with 10 kids by 10 men that some of you. Nasty, nasty, posts.

Bears. Give her a WIDE berth, she’s no friend.

Have you seen him again? Any plans? I could do with some nice news :)

Sorry, but I too would run a mile from a man who had 3 children by 3 different mothers, and I'd be quite cross if a friend of mine knew this and didn't tell me in this context.

She was crass to gloat, which calls the whole thing into question, but I'm afraid there is a terrible double-standard here.

blackberry you're right about that. I'm not sure any stepfamily 'works' though, in terms of the kids being happy?
After the disaster with my exH and the impact of him on my kids, I have vowed they will never have a stepdad. I just don't want that for them. I want them to know they have me and they are enough for me and I enjoy raising them.
I think that OP aside, many, many women have chaotic relationships with men and justify it by saying 'oh he's an amazing stepdad' or 'my kids adore him' etc. Actually, no, they miss having their mum, they feel uncomfortable with him in their home all the time, or they know that the new baby is the one he really likes, he just pretends with the others.
So many women saying they 'won't break up the family' for the kids, when it is deep down because they want to stay with a man they love but need to justify it to others so they use the kids.
A man with 3x3 wouldn't put me off, if I were looking. I wouldn't need a huge warning sign before having a coffee with him. I have enough sense to work out during that coffee if I like him enough to see him again. We don't have to marry someone that we don't click with.
The OP isn't fetching him home. If she fancies him and enjoys the sex, then go for it. And if it works out, take it slowly with the kids.

Sorry, but I too would run a mile from a man who had 3 children by 3 different mothers, and I'd be quite cross if a friend of mine knew this and didn't tell me in this context.

She was crass to gloat, which calls the whole thing into question, but I'm afraid there is a terrible double-standard here.*

This. I would 100% want to know if a guy I met had 3 kids by 3 women! So I could walk away, it would just show me how he isn’t that bothered about sticking around and trying to make a relationship work as you don’t end up with 3 kids by 3 women in approx 7-8 yrs otherwise.

it’s not double standards, plenty of men get slated on here for having multiple kids by different women.

And honestly if my son or daughter met a man/women who had 3x3 I’d tell them to walk away, they may make them happy but so can someone else who doesn’t think it’s ok to get getting pregnant by multiple men

But men with three kids to three mums are most likely not living with them all, don't see some of them or don't pay maintenance to all. It's nothing like seeing a woman providing a stable home to all of them despite only being half brothers and sisters.
A man would be joining a family. A woman would be seeing a single man. Totally different.

But men with three kids to three mums are most likely not living with them all, don't see some of them or don't pay maintenance to all.

Let's say he is - I'd still run a mile. Why would I want to drop myself into this situation? No way.

Maybe he'd like to have kids himself?

Maybe he'd like to have kids himself? then luke any relationship they talk, find out if she wants them too etc. 3 kids from 1 father might be enough for her to not want more anyway.

I wouldn't knowingly date someone who had no contact with their child and hadn't done all they could. If they had had two babies basically dropped on his doorstep by ex's I'd question his taste in women. If his third was a really good person who'd basically stepped up for the other two as well as her own then its essentially raising them as 3 x 1 and then ot comes down to do I wanna date a guy with kids, not how many women has he had them with

Wow that is really unkind. She is trying to sabotage your date - she is certainly no friend of yours!

She's being so bitchy! You know to take a step back from her now & be wary. Dangerous having 'friends' like that

I wouldn't knowingly date someone who had no contact with their child and hadn't done all they could. If they had had two babies basically dropped on his doorstep by ex's I'd question his taste in women. If his third was a really good person who'd basically stepped up for the other two as well as her own then its essentially raising them as 3 x 1 and then ot comes down to do I wanna date a guy with kids, not how many women has he had them with

I can't really understand your post, but here's something for you to consider. Having one failed marriage (or, relationship with kids) can be bad luck. Two is rather pushing it. Three is a pattern.