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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't stand men, do I need help rectifying this.

198 replies

carolmusic · 22/02/2018 15:19

Yes I've had bad relationships which has definitely contributed to this statement, currently single and not even slightly interested in finding anyone. I've had enough of them. They seem so arrogant, drive like they rule the roads(I drive a lot in my job), seem to have no respect for women, see them looking at young girls with their tongues wagging, it's pathetic. They don't seem to like women with authority, who can look after themselves and do things without a man. They annoy me every day now and yes I'm probably looking out for these things but I can't help it. Do I need help/counselling/whatever to get over this or is this how it is now? HELP, am I alone in this?

OP posts:

Toadinthehole · 23/02/2018 04:37

The bottom line is that your experience of the world is as valid as anyone else’s and no one on here can dictate how you should interpret those experiences.

Although anyone can judge her interpretation batshit crazy, which it is.

OtterInDisgrace · 23/02/2018 04:42

Says you. Maybe you’re batshit crazy. Who is anyone on here to judge you? But you think you can judge everyone else.

Toadinthehole · 23/02/2018 04:51

I'm not the one judging (or rather condemning) 50% of the world's population. People rightly get called batshit crazy for a lot less.

I'll keep this short as some bigot will probably report this and have it removed.

CheeseyToast · 23/02/2018 04:56

OP I agree entirely! On the whole, men are the embodiment of entitlement and there are very many women seemingly willing to enable them to continue as such. Once you've got your feminist goggles on, you can't unsee it. Commiserations.

TheStoic · 23/02/2018 04:57

Have i completely misunderstood the point you were making?

It does appear that way. Do you believe that men and women are equally to blame for society’s ills such as violence, rape, war, corruption, sexual abuse, harassment, discrimination?

Toadinthehole · 23/02/2018 05:03

It does appear that way. Do you believe that men and women are equally to blame for society’s ills such as violence, rape, war, corruption, sexual abuse, harassment, discrimination?

I don't believe that I am responsible for any of those things. Yet according to some people I am purely by association.

It's painfully clear that some people here need to study the basic definition of bigotry.

TheStoic · 23/02/2018 05:04

I don't believe that I am responsible for any of those things. Yet according to some people I am purely by association.

That wasn’t my question. A simple Yes or No would do.

Toadinthehole · 23/02/2018 05:10

Why should I answer your daft question?

TheStoic · 23/02/2018 05:14

You just did.

CSIFemale · 23/02/2018 06:06

@TheStoic

If I have, why not explain instead of asking more questions (even specifying a yes / no answer?

"Do you believe that men and women are equally to blame for society’s ills such as violence, rape, war, corruption, sexual abuse, harassment, discrimination?"

No.

As evidenced by this thread and others, women seem to be very adept at discrimination.

Corruption? Who knows. You don't.

Rape. Stupid example.

Wars. Another stupid example although a little less stupid. Surely very, very few people are responsble for wars? WWII for example, is basically down to one man. However, millions of men protected the world and died for the cause.

You seem to be a little close to Hitler was a man = men are bad and no closer to actually explaining what point you're tying to make.

TheStoic · 23/02/2018 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CSIFemale · 23/02/2018 06:54

@TheStoic

Report me / us if you think we're the same person. MN will put you straight.

"sock puppet", 'bet you're a man', 'goady' etc. They're unimaginative and show a lack of intelligence and ability to explain your as-yet-unmade point.

I have answered every question you ask but you seem incapable. Wonder what can be inferred from that!

Firenight · 23/02/2018 06:57

There are some lovely men out there, including my husband and some dear friends, but I find them the exception rather than the rule. I hope I can raise my son to be good man too.

Original poster

carolmusic · 23/02/2018 07:21

Catching up on the thread. Thanks @SlummyMummy1974 it was lovely what you said. I need to some how get out of this mind set but it's hard when the horrible behaviour of the majority of men is everywhere.

OP posts:

HandbagKrabby · 23/02/2018 07:40

As far as I can tell op isn’t planning to set up a vigilante group to go round and get men that are out past bedtime, she’s saying she doesn’t want them in her personal life due to past bad experiences, which is her right to do. At some point, the drip, drip of shitty male behaviour that many women live with everyday is going to get to a point where they’ve had enough. Women can’t stop men doing this, men have to stop it and if they wanted to stop it they would, seeing as though they’re in the vast majority of powerful positions and also own the majority of the world’s resources and wealth. Not all men, but too many men.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 23/02/2018 07:55

So if more than one person doesn’t hate men they must all be the same person?

Most women don’t hate or even dislike men though. It’s a peculiarity to Mumsnet and has a lot to do with the internet attracting people who are very extreme and Mumsnet attracting a certain sort of extreme person in particular. Just to give an example of why: many of the views expressed on this thread if expressed at work would be a disciplinary offence and count as discrimination.

Outside Mumsnet they are extreme views.

HandbagKrabby · 23/02/2018 08:09

Elton why do you care? If some women talk about their life experiences and decide from that point they don’t want men in their life, what’s it to you?

Women as a group do not have the socialisation of violence or the physical strength to actually go round and get rid of men, there is no threat in these words. Women aren’t generally the big bosses at work, stopping men as a class from getting employment or being promoted due to their sex. Women aren’t filming huge amounts of violent pornography where men get repeatedly hurt by women and are told that’s all they’re good for. It’s not women beating men up outside the pub at closing time in any great numbers Etc etc.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2018 08:15

I quite often share my views at work and face no disciplinary action. And I work in a very "equality" type of place.

Being a radical feminist isn't a hate crime. Not yet, anyway.

PiffIeandWiffle · 23/02/2018 08:20

To be fair, men feel the same about women a lot of the time too.

It's interesting how so many middle aged men decide, after they've got rid of the kids & actually have time to enjoy themselves, that they're Gay.

Possibly so they can spend what they consider to be their "best years" with men with similar interests & outlooks, rather than women they don't actually like.

Even the ones that stay in a relationship very often do so out of laziness or apathy.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 23/02/2018 08:23

Elton why do you care? If some women talk about their life experiences and decide from that point they don’t want men in their life, what’s it to you?

Well it’a a ‘discussion forum’, not a ‘let’s all say the same thing’ forum. You know, discussions, people give their views and others respond and may have an opposing opinion?

And FWIW, I do think when views like this get expressed it’s worth other women saying this is not my own experience and I don’t agree. Partly because MN is notorious for misandry and threads like this have been used to justify some pretty unpleasant misogyny by men elsewhere on the net.

HandbagKrabby · 23/02/2018 08:33

Oh ok, because you’re worried some men will use this as an excuse to further their own misogyny.

ColdBurntToast · 23/02/2018 08:41

I don't hate men.

I said in my first post that being an asshole is not an inherent masculine trait. It's the way our society is, patriarchy, whatever. It damages men too.

No man truly wants to be so full of anger and frustrated entitlement that they can't control their rage and end up hurting people. As the old playground trope goes, bullies are unhappy people too.

We do our sons and daughters no favours by denying there is a problem.

I don't believe this makes me a misandrist, it makes me a realist.

People are happiest when they can relate to each other as people. As equals. Not as a set of genitalia, a skin colour or a religion.

At the minute, many men are unable to do this. And it's not good for them and it's even worse for the women and children who are damaged as a result.

Putting your fingers in your ears and going "lalala radical fem bullshit" doesn't change anything.

ColdBurntToast · 23/02/2018 08:43

Yes, and case in point - God forbid there should be a discussion on this because what if some men see it?

Well, maybe they could discuss it reasonably rather than use it to further some sort of MRA agenda?

ReanimatedSGB · 23/02/2018 08:56

We have had thousands of years of men-as-a-class insisting that women are pretty much domestic animals, that they must be controlled, that they must not just obey men but worship them. In most parts of the world, we've come a long way towards putting that right, but there is still a long way to go.
It's fine for women to reject and dislike men-as-a-class and to live a life as free of men as possible. Avoiding men is not at all the same as wishing - or attempting - to harm them purely because they are men. If you have a good father, brother, son, etc you may want to keep them in your lives, and obviously you may have to interact with men in the workplace and, to an extent, in public, but going out of your way to eg see female HCP or hire female plumbers/decorators etc is perfectly fine. The concept terrifies a lot of people because the world runs on an assumption that women exist for the benefit of men, and every man is entitled to own a woman who makes his life easier. This is why there is still so much propaganda about the awfulness of being female and single when those who have done it for any length of time know that it's better than being in a crap relationship.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 23/02/2018 09:05

Well, maybe they could discuss it reasonably rather than use it to further some sort of MRA agenda?

Why on earth would you expect men to come and ‘discuss it reasonably’ when other women on here who are having the temerity to suggest that not all men are monsters are being attacked as though they have suggested ritual slaughter of firstborns?

It’s not being discussed reasonably.

And to be quite honest there are a few women on here who are just the other side of the MRA coin.

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