Can't stand men, do I need help rectifying this.

[carolmusic]

Yes I've had bad relationships which has definitely contributed to this statement, currently single and not even slightly interested in finding anyone. I've had enough of them. They seem so arrogant, drive like they rule the roads(I drive a lot in my job), seem to have no respect for women, see them looking at young girls with their tongues wagging, it's pathetic. They don't seem to like women with authority, who can look after themselves and do things without a man. They annoy me every day now and yes I'm probably looking out for these things but I can't help it. Do I need help/counselling/whatever to get over this or is this how it is now? HELP, am I alone in this?

[IfNot]

Do you see many of them pull aside these twats that cat call and tell them to stop?
My current DP did actually take issue with a group of lads who were harassing a teenage girl, but he's a fearless nutter (and seems to be a decent chap). It is unusual though, because so many men just walk past. I actually think that it's because he was a vulnerable teen himself (in care) and had his fair share of dodgy experiences at the hands of men.
But, yeah, again-Men.

[sabali]

Gender can't even be compared to race how are people saying this

[RebelRogue]

@Eltonjohnssyrup I only had two abusive boyfriends,out of many.
But in that period of time,my classmates sexually assaulted me(at 13), sexually harassed by my grandfather(14) ,something happened with my cousin...but I can't remember,i only get flashbacks (11) , my maths tutor sexually assaulted me (17).... that's without the random bullying,name calling,slut shaming,cat calling, bum/breasts touching etc.

I never sought these men/boys out...I was just there for them to do what they wanted,so they did.

[sabali]

Gender can't even be compared to race how are people saying this it's just not the same thing

[Sallystyle]

I love my husband. He is a great man. My teens are growing up to be lovely men. I have four lovely male colleagues and some of my friends are married to great men.

However.
If anything happened to mine, I certainly would have no interest in filling the vacancy.

I completely agree with this!

The world clearly has a massive problem with men. There are far too many being violent, aggressive, sexually assaulting people etc. Men as a class are shit.

So despite the fact that I do have lovely men in my life, I recognise that men are a massive problem and if anything happened to my husband I wouldn't want to bother weeding out all the bad men from the good. Because IME there are more bad men than there are really good ones.

My husband isn't too keen on men either.

[Kingsclerelass]

Op, it's ok to feel like that and to retreat to a safe distance. That's your right.You won't be alone.
I suspect there are the same percentage of moronic men as there have always been, it's just now there is no shame in talking about it. No need to keep it a secret.
My dad was awful to my mum for 42 years and yet she stayed because she had no choice and I doubt she ever mentioned it even to her closest friend.
What's changed is now it's public and perhaps we have higher expectations.

[Helmetbymidnight]

You obviously meet/attract the wrong men!

Yeah, the women in Haiti who were exploited. The women who were raped by a taxi driver, reported it and then were ignored, the women who were raped by Weinstein, the women who were bullied by Cox, the Save the children boss resigned, the boy who shoots at people in a school, this is just one months news...this is just the stuff that makes the news...

[blackteasplease]

Oh I'm glad it's not just me OP! It's not just my shitty ex but lots and lots of men i come across on public transport (travel alot) and they really piss me off.

I'm also fed up with "not all men" blah blah. It's the actions of a sizable number of a group. A privileged group so totally different to talking about a group with less privilege than yourself.

[ConfusedNoMore]

Nah not a gf. I feel like this. Pop over the feminist boards. It's like the blue pill/red pill of the matrix film.

Once you have seen it, you can't unsee it. Agree about driving. Yes you are sensitised.

Patriarchy breeds entitlement.

I have a wonderful son and colleagues/friends who do not display this but I see it all the time. Every day.

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

Do you see many of them pull aside these twats that cat call and tell them to stop?

Most men don’t intervene as the twats doing the cat calling, often found in groups, have no problems escalating the situation through verbal abuse, physical threats or actual violence against any man who challenges their behaviour. They are bullies and it can be quite intimidating to approach such men. Believe me most men don’t ignore this behaviour because they endorse it, but because they are afraid of getting their head filled in.

[ColdBurntToast]

I've been thinking about this further as I've been cooking tea.

I think a lot of women have the knee jerk NAMALT reaction because they are, or someday may be, mothers of sons. You see it on threads like these "not my lovely boys" etc. I'm not sure you'd see the same exception made for daughters on male dominated sites, but there we go.

The thing is, the men who treat women like shit are ALL someone's lovely son. These cases of men on sports teams being accused of raping girls and women are a good example. Half a dozen or more men-often boys in their late teens, actually - who either stand by or participate as a vulnerable girl is raped and assaulted.

Not all of those boys are evil monsters. Many of them have been raised "well", in "decent homes". Many of them will have mothers who work, fathers who do housework. Yet they still see a drunk girl as "asking for it" etc.

We need to look at what men are capable of with clear eyes. Even the ones we love. When have you ever heard of the girls hockey team gang raping a drunken man?

I am pregnant with what I think is a son. I have an older daughter. I will do my level best to raise a son well, and not make differences between a boy and a girl, but the real test will not be whether he makes his bed or sees his mum fix the car and his dad weild the hoover - it will be what he does when he is a young man, dealing with the pack mentality of other young men. Or when his wife has a baby. Or when he finds himself part of a sexist conversation at work. Plenty of "nice guys" stand back and keep their mouths shut in these situations, even if they don't actively participate

It's so insidious too. I work in a school, and you always hear comments about boys being more boisterous, or poorly behaved. From my experience, it's not that they can't behave, it's that nobody has expected them to, at least not in the way girls are. Many adults are harder on girls, and will tell them off very quickly, whilst the same behaviour in a boy will sometimes not even evince a comment. When a girl has her behaviour corrected, there seems to be more emotional guilt tripping involved "that isn't nice behaviour, how would you feel" whereas for a boy, it is more punitive "stop that or else". Again, this is just from my own observation.

Men are also encouraged to think of themselves first. When I was 12, I started my periods. I also more or less thought I was Frodo Baggins. I was obsessed with LOTR. During one typically long and painful period, I realised that if I was attacked by orcs at certain times of the month, I'd be fucked, at least unless I'd taken some paracetamol and just changed my pad. Middle earth would have been lost, thanks to my menstrual cycle joking apart though, boys can "get up and go" in a way girls often feel they can't - at least not without checking the calendar, stocking up on emergency tampons, and keeping an eye out for people who want to rape them. Of course having a normal period shouldn't stop a girl doing anything, but it does when it's seen as something shameful and hidden.

I'm rambling a bit now, but this has made me think

[AssassinatedBeauty]

You only need help to address it if it is interfering with your life and causing you distress. Otherwise it's totally understandable to want to retreat for a while. As long as you don't make assumptions about the individual men that you meet through work etc before they show any of the behaviours that you've listed.

[Pumperthepumper]

Pan then you see how difficult it is for women when these horrible men target them. What do you think women should do about it, if men aren’t going to help out?

[Pumperthepumper]

Sorry, I thought I’d already commented on this thread. I get it OP, I have lovely men in my life etc. But yes, YANBU.

[IfNot]

Yes, you are right Pan that often men don't intervene in actual harassment because they are scared-and with good reason. But it's not just actual harassment men turn a blind eye to-it's the whole gamut of sexist comments, women on their workplace not getting promoted etc etc.
They don't stand up for us the way we (as a group) stand up for them.

[NailsNeedDoing]

This is a nasty thread. There are plenty of men on this site, seeing that OP might make them feel a bit shit. Especially when so many women come on to agree. Yet is supposed to be us women that are somehow nicer, kinder etc? Seriously?

Women really don't have some kind of moral high ground, as this thread so clearly shows.

There are horrible people in the world, some of them are men, some are women.Throughout my life (although not in the media) I've experienced as many women behaving in a way they shouldn't as I have men. Yes there are some horrible traits that are predominantly male, but then there are plenty that are predominantly female. Neither is better or worse. People are individuals, and they are always just people.

[Eltonjohnssyrup]

Pan is right. And men are at twice the risk of becoming victims of violence (and street violence even more so). I think it’s often quite a sensible calculation that it’s not worth risking being put into hospital just to help a stranger feel less uncomfortable.

Incidentally, in the building industry catcalling rarely happens anymore. It is a sackable (on the spot) offence. That came from male dominated companies. And it’s hugely stigmatised in the industry. I know on the rare occasions it’s happened at DH’s work colleagues have reported it (sometimes even when the victim didn’t).

[Pumperthepumper]

And men are at twice the risk of becoming victims of violence (and street violence even more so)

By whom?

[AssassinatedBeauty]

"Seeing that OP might make them feel a bit shit. Especially when so many women come on to agree. Yet is supposed to be us women that are somehow nicer, kinder etc?"

Who thinks women are suppose to be nicer/kinder?

What you're basically saying is that the OP and others need to shut up about their experiences and feelings in case men get made to feel a bit shit. Be nice in case you upset men!

[SlothSlothSloth]

@NailsNeedDoing I agree men and women can both be awful but women are rarely anything like as physically dangerous. I can only imagine you haven't seen the stats on violent crime and sex crime. It's crazy. I used to think men were a BIT more violent than women but I didn't realise the massive difference until I saw the stats. If men disappeared overnight the works would be immeasurably safer. Random stranger violence and sex crimes against young children would more or less cease to exist entirely. Imagine a world like that! It's only men who are preventing us from having it. Don't defend them.

[IfNot]

Men are at twice the risk of becoming victims of violence (and street violence even more so)

Yes, yes, by women. Oh, no..wait..doh!

[SlothSlothSloth]

world not works

[IfNot]

When I send my kid out the door, I'm not worried about him being set upon by a gang of girls, do you know what I mean??

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

Women really don't have some kind of moral high ground

When it comes to violent or sexual crime yeah actually they do.