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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed at unexpected vagina poke.

264 replies

BathFallout · 21/02/2018 17:08

I was in the bath with DP, nothing sexy just washing and about to watch a programme on the tablet.

As I was finding the episode DP unexpectedly poked my vagina, in surprise I aggressively splashed her in the face with water to make her back off and was annoyed at her. I told her it shocked me (as wasn't even looking in her direction so no warning) and said she had to apologise to me. I said it could be considered assault nd she replied with "Oh, Bath..." and a withering look.

She has refused to apologise, and is now in a strop as I was "horrible" to her.

AIBU to wait for an apology over this?

OP posts:
Swatsup · 22/02/2018 09:14

Completely off topic but do people really not use tablets: phones in the bath?? Have done for years and never had a problem. Op I get what you were saying. Yes I would be annoyed if nothing else You could have dropped your phone!

hairycoo · 22/02/2018 09:29

This thread is absolutely fucking disgusting and its not you OP. Im so angry on your behalf for all the fucking shitty answers that you have been given and I think that troll hunters should absolutely be banned for a set period after seeing some of the responses on here. I cant decide if MN has been infiltrated by a bunch of knuckle dragging dm readers who cant see a lesbian relationship in the same normal context as a hetrosexual relationship and afford it the same courtesy or the supposed feminists cant accept that a female could be the perpetrator (despite how unusual it may be) and rather than face an uncomfortable truth they would rather attack your credibility. Personally id be a bit annoyed but probably wouldnt go as far as expecting an apology. But id probably make clear not to do it again. Also taking baths with your dp isnt unusual or just for sexy time. Its can be just a nice thing to do, to relax and unwind and blether whilst sitting in a nice hot vat of water :D Plus guaranteed to give my back a good scrub.

iklboo · 22/02/2018 09:30

*It is funny how all these shocked and disgusted people just tend to pile in once they see the lay of the land!!!

It is so obvious that they wait and see which way the wind is blowing!

Ha! Completely agree.*

Or maybe, you know, people come onto MN at different times, do shift work, live in different time zones & countries.

LinoleumBlownapart · 22/02/2018 09:39

If the OP was heterosexual the answers would have been VERY different. That's very depressing, the ignorance and rudeness of some answers is sickening.
I don't like random grabs and pokes when I'm busy, it makes me feel uncomfortable. So I can imagine why you over reacted. Intimate touching needs to be consensual, it's not good for the person doing the touching if they're partner is uncomfortable anyway. So hopefully she won't just brush it off as nothing.

iceycage · 22/02/2018 09:47

Why is this thread getting reported so much? Oh... because it's two women?

No way would people be writing such arsey responses if this was a straight couple.

People are unbelievable.

iceycage · 22/02/2018 09:53

"We all know lesbian relationships have been fetishised through male dominated media and the male gaze, and id assume given the demographics of mumsnet most people would claim to oppose this. However, you then assume based on the fact we are lesbians (deny it to yourself if you must) that this thread was some kind of smutty story."

As a bisexual woman myself, this is so so important.

from a personal perspective, so many men still have this outdated view that lesbians are all "butch" and "manly" and seeing two femme girls together must mean it's somehow for their pleasure or whatever goes through their mind. My ex and I were never big on PDA but the amount of comments we'd get from men who clearly saw us as nothing more than a real life version of what they jerk off to was always infuriating. When will this bullsht end.

Sallystyle · 22/02/2018 09:56

This thread is an embarrassment to MN.

People simply didn't believe her because she is a lesbian, and assumed she was posting this for some kind of sexual kick. Or they didn't believe her because the person who poked her was female.

It says a hell of a lot about some people here. It is really quite sickening.

Well done for standing your ground here OP.

And of course, what your partner did was wrong.

I cant decide if MN has been infiltrated by a bunch of knuckle dragging dm readers who cant see a lesbian relationship in the same normal context as a hetrosexual relationship and afford it the same courtesy or the supposed feminists cant accept that a female could be the perpetrator (despite how unusual it may be) and rather than face an uncomfortable truth they would rather attack your credibility.

Yep. Well said.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 09:58

I didn’t beleive it because lesbian wet sex is a straight bloke pron fetish and the op had no other posts. I thought she was a knuckle dragging bloke posting to get sexy wet girl on girl stories.

Sallystyle · 22/02/2018 10:01

So surely the right thing to do is report it to MNHQ if you don't believe it?

No, people just assumed it was a troll and decided to take the piss, not even considering the fact that it might be true and that their troll radar could be wrong.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 10:02

I did report it to.
And I apologised and admitted I was wrong.

What i am not going to do is sit by and letthose of us who thought it was a troll and were posting so that other people didn’t over share sexy wet sex stories get characterised as lesophobic.

IAmMumWho · 22/02/2018 10:06

Why so many posts deleted?

@BathFallout

If you feel an apology is needed, sit DP down and explain why you splashed and got annoyed. I do think DP was possibly trying to initiate bath fun perhaps, but still a poke in the Vagina isn't the way to do it.

iceycage · 22/02/2018 10:11

To be honest (and as I posted before I'm bisexual myself and have had girlfriends in the past) I wouldn't say everyone who assumed this was a troll post are lesphobic (although some may well be who knows)

I do think it's a sad demonstration of the way we've been conditioned to think of lesbians. I know from within my own lgbt community that lesbians face far more discrimination and general ignorance than gay men do, and a huge part of this is because lesbianism is so highly fetishised. So many men look at lesbians, and especially femme or lipstick lesbians, as something for their own entertainment. So I don't think that this should become a thread on lesphobia as I don't at the core believe that this is what it's about but more the senseless way that lesbians have been minimised to "two hot chicks making out"

APontypandyPioneer · 22/02/2018 10:16

I didn’t beleive it because lesbian wet sex is a straight bloke pron fetish and the op had no other posts. I thought she was a knuckle dragging bloke posting..

This exactly. And also the tablet in the bath. I was thinking surely no one can really do that? What about the risk of water damage and potential for being electrocuted. Confused

My response was in no way homophobic and not everyone who reported this thread is a raving homophobe!

However, my apologies for thinking it was a tall tale.

Unwanted sexual advances are never ok. Flowers

APontypandyPioneer · 22/02/2018 10:18

Not homophobe I meant lesophobe. Geez the wrong time for the mess up there. Apologies its been a long night.

IAmMumWho · 22/02/2018 10:21

@APontypandyPioneer

I set my tablet up outside my bath on my little bathroom drawers, never plugged into mains, and I can happily bath chill and watch a movie. It's doable. My mum goes mad at me if I answer my phone while in the bath. So I tell her don't ring me then haha

LonginesPrime · 22/02/2018 10:22

I do think it's a sad demonstration of the way we've been conditioned to think of lesbians

I agree.

The fact that several posters couldn't comprehend that whilst their first thought was 'lesbians = male wank fantasy', the OP's was obviously 'this is my actual life and something unacceptable happened to me' reminds me of the way Queen Victoria is said not to have believed that lesbians existed.

I think it also points to a level of misogyny as plumbers and workmen are still taken seriously despite the fact they feature in porn - I agree with PPs who've pointed out that many men see lesbians as merely existing for their own pleasure (and as a lesbian, have experienced this first-hand many times).

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 10:35

The op wasn’t obviously “this is my actual life” though.

Aridane · 22/02/2018 10:40

Don't see the iPad problem. She doesn't have it in the bath but resting on the toilet. I do the same every evening.

AjasLipstick · 22/02/2018 10:48

I have to say that I was shocked at people's responses to this! I never once thought "fake" whilst reading it! It's as though people think women can't poke one another in the vagina or something!

HotCrossBunFight · 22/02/2018 10:51

I don't know how someone cam be more "this is my real life" when accurately describing something that's happened in their real life.

FWIW I don't think the people troll hunting were the ones being prejudiced. It was the people saying "so what?". If this thread had been aboit a heterosexual relationship the responses would have been far more sympathetic to the OP.

TheViceOfReason · 22/02/2018 10:54

Disgusted by the responses here.

If a woman posted to say her and her male partner were relaxing in the bath watching TV and he suddenly shoved a finger inside her she would be told it was assault and the LTB.

But because it's 2 women suddenly its ok and the OP should expect it?

If you don't believe it is real, report to MNHQ, but don't pretend that its fine to do this to anybody.

Many of the posters on this thread should be ashamed of themselves.

hairycoo · 22/02/2018 10:55

The op wasn’t obviously “this is my actual life” though. Wasn't it? I didnt think anything other than the op was detailing something that genuinely happened to her because I dont have prejudiced preconceived notions of what constitutes 'actual life'

user1485182339 · 22/02/2018 11:03

So OP is penalised and unable to ask for serious relationship advice because her relationship is a common male fetish?

I think this is right. It is exactly the same as telling a woman she shouldn't be wearing a short skirt because it is common for men to be turned on by it. And by extent therefor that she deserves to be stared at/touched/raped/victimised/and, yes, in this case, trolled.

Sorry about the shit responses you've had, OP. FWIW, I didn't once, until I started reading the responses, assume it was a faked post. It was to the point, and asked for advice.

And YANBU. The context clearly neither invited nor warranted her actions.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 11:04

I didn’t think it was. As I have said I thought it was a troll.

It didn’t come from someone with a posting history for a start. And I am automatically suspicious of posts thT APPEAR TO ME to be looking for sex anecdotes from those with no posting history.

MrsPreston11 · 22/02/2018 11:07

DH and I are always grabbing each others bits.

Either it goes further, or (90% of the time) the one getting groped will laugh and say "excuse me" all indignantly, the other one says "you're excused" and that's that.

Nothing ever gets pressed further unless it's obvious the one getting groped wants it to though.

If one of us is in the bath and the other comes in the room (DH is 6'5" so we can't comfortably share) then there's pretty much always at least a small amount of groping.....