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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Annoyed at unexpected vagina poke.

264 replies

BathFallout · 21/02/2018 17:08

I was in the bath with DP, nothing sexy just washing and about to watch a programme on the tablet.

As I was finding the episode DP unexpectedly poked my vagina, in surprise I aggressively splashed her in the face with water to make her back off and was annoyed at her. I told her it shocked me (as wasn't even looking in her direction so no warning) and said she had to apologise to me. I said it could be considered assault nd she replied with "Oh, Bath..." and a withering look.

She has refused to apologise, and is now in a strop as I was "horrible" to her.

AIBU to wait for an apology over this?

OP posts:
TrustNaeFuckerEver · 21/02/2018 18:18

OP I think the issue arises when a seemingly first time poster 'arrives' with a post like this. Bathtime, lesbians, a bit of poking - it just sounds like (as you said yourself) the stereotypical male fetish.

"The result of this is that I, as a lesbian woman asking for advice, receive mostly mockery, insults, minimization."

It was because most people thought you were a male posting for sexual kicks, not because you are a lesbian.

Bluedoglead · 21/02/2018 18:20

What trustnaefucker said.

RedForFilth · 21/02/2018 18:20

It wouldn't have bothered me from a man or woman I was in a relationship with (I'm bisexual). I wouldn't have accused them of assaulting me because I've been sexually abused and raped multiple times by 2 different partners so that's just my specific view.

makeitso · 21/02/2018 18:25

I never have a bath with DH. We're both fat a bit overweight and wouldn't fit so I'm a bit jealous that you can both fit comfortably.

Any unwanted physical attention is not acceptable. I would expect DH to apologise if he did that.

Original poster
BathFallout · 21/02/2018 18:25

I understand WHY people thought that, but I wanted to point out that they thought this as a result that I, as lesbian already dealing with this shit from men, gets it again with no thought put into the way i had posted ( no sexy superfluous sexy details). It is not my fault this assumption is made and I shouldn't have to accept not being taken seriously because of it. It is the responsibility of other people to apply critical thought and compassion.

Nobody was obliged to reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
BathFallout · 21/02/2018 18:27

sorry, multiple sentence structure fails**

OP posts:
Sarahh2014 · 21/02/2018 18:27

So she accidently touched you.Not assault

LonginesPrime · 21/02/2018 18:27

It was because most people thought you were a male posting for sexual kicks, not because you are a lesbian.

Yes, I agree with this - it's because this is an anonymous forum as opposed to because you're a lesbian.

If the PPs who've called bullshit on this thread had a lesbian friend who was upset about this happening, I'm sure they would be sympathetic and would support her.

It's just a symptom of having been burned by investing time and effort into a thread only to find it was fake that's got people ridiculing it.

RadioGaGoo · 21/02/2018 18:28

I'm truly sorry that you've been subjected to some right rubbish this on here OP.

My husband and I have shared baths in hotels when they have been big enough and I recall one where I was sitting with my back against his chest, both of us reading a magazine I was holding. Nothing remotely sexy, but a nice, chilled calm. If you and your partner were relaxing like that, I can imagine you were shocked to be poked so intimately when unexpected.

Imchangingmyname · 21/02/2018 18:28

Wow. This is unbelievable. At no point did the OP ask for, or even insinuate, wanting to hear similar stories! There was nothing 'sexy' about her post at all. Mumsnet, who are so forward thinking on everything are actually stuck in the dark ages when it comes to gay people. Who'd a thunk it Hmm

Mention lesbians, the bath and you're all hot under the collar. Odd, very odd.

Original poster
BathFallout · 21/02/2018 18:30

Also, I don't believe you all won't fit in a bath with your DP!

If you fancy it be confident and try, DP is smaller than average but I am probably average, the bath is standard size and we are not squashed or uncomfortable. It's nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
BathFallout · 21/02/2018 18:31

Nobody needed to fear investing time into a thread and for it to be false, you can ignore any thread you please.

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 21/02/2018 18:32

Sarahh2014 are you reading the same opening post? What the OP described was a deliberate act. If it had been accidental the response of the OP and her partner would have been very different.

Bluedoglead · 21/02/2018 18:34

Bath. As a heterosexual my DP is larger than me by quite some margin.

I’m small (5ft). He’s not.

That means we don’t comfortably fit in a standard bath.

HotCrossBunFight · 21/02/2018 18:35

Why are people still being so confrontational with OP? Mumsnet have confirmed she's genuine!!!

Aridane · 21/02/2018 18:35

DawnMumsnet - is MNHQ going to delete the horrible troll hunting posts?

Original poster
BathFallout · 21/02/2018 18:38

Frankly I think the 'lesbo' comments should be left in, as a warning to others.

I have previously posted about my relationship, obscured the genders, and been accused of being coy or trying to hide it to illicit a certain response.

OP posts:
chickychickyparmparm · 21/02/2018 18:39

Can't HQ remove those first few replies?

I'm embarrassed for some of these posters. We're not all fuckwits, OP.

Glad she apologised, hopefully she's got the message. I don't like unexpected pokes or prods - anywhere on my body, tbh. Even within the bounds of my relationship.

JellyBeanPaws · 21/02/2018 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mookie81 · 21/02/2018 18:39

Firstly I used to share a bath with my DH when we were in our old flat. We would put the little portable telly with DVD player built in on the toilet seat and watch films!
Secondly the snidey remarks are downright homophobic and should be deleted. Saying it's because people thought it was a troll is a neat excuse to cover the real reason.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 21/02/2018 18:40

OP I can kinda imagine how annoyed and offended you were. When you are doing mundane things like watching the TV, sorting washing, whatever, it is really hateful to be groped or intimately touched, especially if your hands are busy and can't push them off! My DH did that - although nothing as invasive as your experience - and I really let him have it!! He has never tried that again!!

Bluedoglead · 21/02/2018 18:41

you Posted a male sexual fantasy trope as an ostensibly new poster.

You know you did this.

And yet you’re surprised and annoyed that you got treated as if you were a male posting a male sexual fantasy.

JimLahey · 21/02/2018 18:41

There have been some shocking posts on here! Angry

Glad to see your partner has apologised. It shouldn't have happened and you were uncomfortable. I hope you are ok now, OP.

Bluedoglead · 21/02/2018 18:42

I love DP touching me. I love feeling his bum. Curling up on the sofa and groping. Me touching his cock, him feeling my bits. I’d have to stop that according to this thread and that makes me so so sad.

blackberryfairy · 21/02/2018 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.