To be a bit upset by this teacher

[processthewreckage]

Having a few problems with DD at the moment. I really am doing my best but it's not really getting us very far.

Her teacher rang today to say DD hadn't turned up for her detention. I apologised and the teacher said "well, sorry isn't good enough, you need to bring her back here."

I was honest and said I doubted I'd be able to do that. The response was that I'd better!

Inappropriate or AIBU?

COSYLULU...I never celebrated chucking away my dds expensive possessions as they had cost me a lot in sweat and toil to get them for them. No hubby around providing for them, just little ole me working 50 hours a week with never a holiday for 15 years to make sure they never went without.
What i did celebrate was that after one swift and sharp lesson they learnt to value things bought for them and what it meant to have to work for the money to buy them.
Also, that they were human beings and were not bought up to act like pigs and live in squalor.
You are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. I do not judge you so do not judge me as I rather believe you have never been in my position.

I wonder if the poor, troubled dd has has a period of time without access to phone, internet, accessories, lifts to meet friends or teacher-blaming. Oh I forgot, it's mumsnet, 95% of children have SN (unless they're from an estate) and, erm, it must be dad's fault.
This happens all the time, parents, understandably frustrated by dc's behaviour, pounce on any perceived slight or inconsistency from school to distract themselves from the issue. There's probably a psychological term for it, but it gets old very quickly in school.

most badly behavioured children now is down to bad parenting (i am not talking about SEN efore people jump down my throats).

Its like this stupid crazy that a child should not be told no or told off or punished for misbehaviour. My friend who is a primary school teacher has had a series of parents come into complain because she disciplined their child and no one had that right, so what if little johnny / Susan hit another child you are not allowed to punish my child and or ever say no they cannot do something (yes seriously this is a thing these days)

A child that is not properily disicplined told what behaviour is or is not approite becomes out of control teenagers is not hard to understand is it?

Excellent advice & email suggestion from PurpleCrowbar. Basically, OP, you need to send out the signals to show the school the truth: that you are worried, that you do care, but that this situation is physically beyond you. Make it clear that you understand they are equally frustrated and that you want to work with them.

Fortunately my 17yo is an amiable sort who doesn't require much punishment. But reading through this thread I realise that that is pretty lucky, because there is no way I could physically remove something from him that he was not prepared to give up. He could easily lift me over his head without even breaking into a sweat. The fact that he generally does as he is told and takes any telling-off more or less good-humouredly depends on a combination of my psychological authority and his good will. Any physical authority is out of the question and has been for the last 5 years at least.

Dd at 15 was also bigger than me. Not rude or unpleasant but suicidal. And, as the Crisis team pointed out to me one morning in hospital, if she actually decided she was going to make a more serious attempt, I would not be able to stop it.

*Sostenueto: who is being judgmental here:

Also, that they were human beings and were not bought up to act like pigs and live in squalor. You are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. I do not judge you so do not judge me as I rather believe you have never been in my position.*

Where does the pigs living in squalor come from? You made that up, it has nothing to do with this thread and says a lot about your snobbery.

Yes, you're right. You've never been in my position although I have also raised dd as a single mother and worked many hours a week with her best interests at heart so perhaps you should get off your high horse.

I expressed an opinion about feeling proud to put children's possessions in bin liners as a 'lesson'. A lesson in what? Unbelievable.

corythatwas you may have noticed that the OP is long gone. Don't blame her as she has literally been spayed on this thread.

worridmum
most badly behavioured children now is down to bad parenting

Another very well-researched comment ... where do you get this fact from?

I agree that the OP appears to have left the thread, which is no surprise. If you're still keeping up with this, OP, how has it gone today with your teacher and your DD?

There you go again cosylulu

You too Sostenueto!

I'm a Head of Dept and would be furious if a member of my staff spoke like that to a parent, regardless of the frustration at a pupil. You are perfectly entitled to be annoyed.