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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset by this teacher

361 replies

processthewreckage · 20/02/2018 17:04

Having a few problems with DD at the moment. I really am doing my best but it's not really getting us very far.

Her teacher rang today to say DD hadn't turned up for her detention. I apologised and the teacher said "well, sorry isn't good enough, you need to bring her back here."

I was honest and said I doubted I'd be able to do that. The response was that I'd better!

Inappropriate or AIBU?

OP posts:
Sostenueto · 20/02/2018 22:45

Must NOT fight fire with fire or you very a naughty little parent.

Oswin · 20/02/2018 22:46

Jesus christ there's some sanctimonious twats out tonight. When you have a teen like this normal parenting rules go out the fucking window. So the whole bag up the bedroom and bread and water shit is just dumb.

overskyandshire · 20/02/2018 22:48

You are aware some children will never be potty trained or hold a knife and fork properly due to special needs I presume.

Sostenueto · 20/02/2018 22:54

You presume right overskyandshire. I also presumed that sensible people would realise I did not mean special needs dc.

Oswin if I were you I would throw myself out that same window.

wakemeupbefore · 20/02/2018 22:57

Sostenueto said

The one big lesson teens and children have to realise is that your actions (or inactions) have consequences and you have to face up to those consequences whatever they may be.
Tbh I think ops dd is struggling at school and is unable to tell her mum. Why dont you know if your child has homework or not? Perhaps if you showed an interest in her schoolwork she would not get detentions in the first place? If you instilled in her the value of education if she wants to get on in life may help too. It Is your responsibility also to teach your child that whether you be at school, at work or in many other situations in life rules are in place to be followed if you want to be a responsible member of society. You cannot go through life doing exactly what you want all of the while. If we all did that then society would completely break down.

Have to post it again as it is so right.
However, many will call taking responsibility in how one brings up ones DC as 'sanctimonious twattage' Hmm then wonder whay their offspring doesn't seem to be 'socially mobile' Hmm

Sostenueto · 20/02/2018 23:00

Thanks wakemeupbeforeFlowers

Sostenueto · 20/02/2018 23:07

Well I'm off now I will say hope you solve problem of your dd op and hope a little if what I said helped.Wine

Thecrabbypatty · 20/02/2018 23:11

Sostenueto is rocking and passing on some tried and tested old school methods. Each to their own and more power to her elbow.

Rewn7 · 20/02/2018 23:15

Sostenueto And as for not fighting fire with fire.......just make sure yours is a bigger fire that will do it!

^ THIS!!! Exactly this Grin

Sostenueto · 20/02/2018 23:18

Thank you!Flowers

BlackeyedSusan · 20/02/2018 23:40

I have a child who stays if you remain calm and talk to them. they also respond to the calm discipline rather than the laying the law down. much better to be calm and actually have a conversation and discuss the issues, and make a bit of progress than them storming off and you getting nowhere at all, with the child indanger as they are so cross stomping off.

Sprinklestar · 20/02/2018 23:49

Where did the OP go?
Where’s the DD’s dad in all this?

KriticalSoul · 20/02/2018 23:54

Where did the OP go?

Bed I would imagine, as its nearly midnight Hmm

Such a load of sanctimonious busy bodies on this thread.

I doubt the OP gives a flying fuck what YOU would have made your AIBU about in this situation.. she asked if she ought to be upset by the way the teacher spoke to her, which she should, because it was fucking rude.

She didn't ask for you all to call her a shit parent and offer your armchair psychology on how to raise her daughter.

MissEliza · 21/02/2018 00:44

The teacher actually wasn't fucking rude. She was probably very pissed off at being defied; The Ops dd is close enough to adulthood. You can't just walk out on things any more. Try doing that to your boss.

KriticalSoul · 21/02/2018 00:55

Would your boss phone your spouse and demand you get them back at work? Then speak to them the way the teacher spoke to the OP?

I don't care HOW badly behaved a child is, there is never any excuse for a Teacher to reprimand a parent and make threats like they're a child.

MrsDilber · 21/02/2018 01:29

Yabu. It's not surprising DD didn't turn up, what are the consequences if she didn't go?

QueenB14 · 21/02/2018 03:37

Yes the teacher was rude but I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time and not complain.

I am not the parent of a teenager yet (but dread the idea because I was a nightmare for my poor parents at that age). When I tried to refuse detentions, my dm would threaten to turn up at the door of my last lesson of the day and escort me to the hall for detention. I never pushed my luck on that one because I would have been bloody mortified Grin looking back, that was the one thing that would always work on me, being shown up in front of my friends and being treated like a toddler to boot. Same thing applied to her coming looking for me if I missed curfew etc

HuskyMcClusky · 21/02/2018 04:11

I doubt the OP gives a flying fuck what YOU would have made your AIBU about in this situation.. she asked if she ought to be upset by the way the teacher spoke to her

Cool. My answer is that she’s being v v unreasonable to be upset by the way the teacher spoke to her.

She should instead be apologising to the teacher for raising a teenager who has no respect for either of them.

HuskyMcClusky · 21/02/2018 04:13

Would your boss phone your spouse and demand you get them back at work?

No, because my spouse does not have authority over me. Obviously.

Pluckedpencil · 21/02/2018 05:20

The teacher doesn't respect you. If she doesn't respect you, I very much doubt your daughter does either. I'm sorry but you really need to let her have her tantrums. It is clear the phone works if she had to immediately replace it. So take it again. But with the sanctions you also need to be there a lot to help with homework, listen to why things aren't going right for her etc. I'd just say "I don't want to have to do this but you leaving that detention gives me no choice. No phone until the detention is done". For homework, I'd be tempted to do same. No phone in the evenings until homework is done, and if you find she kept the homework from you, then again back to no phone!!!
You have to just keep telling her you are doing this for her own good. There's only so many times she can replace a mobile phone.

Cosmic123 · 21/02/2018 05:33

Sorry but I disagree with others here and it sounds to me like the teacher was overly abrupt to you. It's hard raising teenagers (mines not a teenager yet but I was a very troublesome teen) and patronising you is not the answer.

It may well be that her job is stressful but that's not an excuse for coming across as rude and judgmental towards you.

I would try to work with the school but I would also point out to them that you did not appreciate being spoken to like a child.

I know a few teachers and often they have a tendency to talk to everyone as if they're stupid but that's no excuse.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/02/2018 05:56

Interesting how acceptable it is to be rude and judgemental towards teachers though, eh, Cosmic123?

Sostenueto · 21/02/2018 06:08

I expect the teacher is utterly fed up having to deal with not only stroppy and disrespectful teenagers but stroppy disrespectful and uninterested in education parents.

llangennith · 21/02/2018 06:11

If you can’t control your DD at 15 you’re going to have a tough time the next few years. She’ll come and go as she wants and you’ll never know where she is or what she’s up to.
Stop being so weak.

Sostenueto · 21/02/2018 06:14

Actually kriticalsoul I would be devastated and ashamed if my dd was behaving in such a manner at school or anywhere else because her actions would be a reflection on my parenting. Is that sanctimonious enough for you?