When did Grandchild become Pay-per-View? (Grandparents perspective)

[Wheresmyturn]

I have a DD who is 25 and has a 2 year old DD of her own.

I've always tried to be a good mum to DD and her DBro. I'm single since their dad left me a few years ago, he never sees or speaks to either of my children and has never met my GD.

I live a short 15 minute walk from my DD. She visits me once a month on a Sunday with GD we have a roast dinner and my son comes out of his room for a change. This is the only time I get with DD/GD. I've offered to visit them at DDs flat, I've offered to meet her in town for a coffee with or without GD (DD is married and her husband is GD dad) - I always offer to pay as I know money can be tight with a young child, I've even offered to go to a soft play centre or swimming even though I hated these things when my own children were little. DD says she doesn't have time and she'll see me at my house on that one Sunday.

I wouldn't mind and would accept it but I see her MIL gets to see my GD once a week she looks after her on her own and then meets DD in town for a meal sometimes too. When I ask DD about it she says her MIL pays for GD to have private SALT because the NHS waiting lists for both were long - GD has a speech delay and glue ear - and that's why she gets to see her more because MIL insists on seeing her once per week minimum because she pays for the therapy and DD feels she has to make it up to MIL so buys her a meal once a month or so.

I feel really hurt. I work but can't afford to offer similar for GD, I didn't realise she was pay-per-view. The MIL will also get a huge bunch of flowers, box of chocolates, and a hand made card by GD from "her son" (aka DD) on Mother's Day, she gets similar on her birthday and at Christmas. I'm lucky if I get a 20p card from a charity shop. That's not to say I mind, I appreciate a card I just thought my DD and I were close and I'd see her more often considering I live so nearby. Her MIL is about half an hours drive a way so not a huge distance but it still stinks.

How can this be? It just doesn't seem fair. If it's relevant me and the MIL are the same age, and both still working so it's not a case of the MIL having more time I don't think. I just don't think my DD has the time for me anymore.

FancyNewBeesly and OJZJ. Me too, so completely feel the same. Lost my Mum a few weeks before my DS was born and had to attend her funeral at full term. Still breaks my heart now that she didn't get to spend time with my DS or DD. She was so looking forward to being a Grandma

Klein great post, hope op is still reading.

Me too, Lost my dm before she could see her gc she died thinking she would never have any.

Are the activities you are suggesting suiitable for your GD or are they ones where she will need extra help and supervision?
My DS has SN and, frankly, if anyone other than MIL* offered to take them to soft play or swimming then it would just be proof that they've no real idea of DS's needs and therefore not suitable to look after my DC.

*MIL would never be daft enough to offer to take DS swimming alone (unlike my mum) and until DC2 was old enough to be self sufficient at soft play never offered to take him unless I was going too.

It would be great to see what OP makes of all this good advice. Are you still there, OP?