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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 23/02/2018 18:41

Oh god, well done op, she instigated that by her vile and nasty behaviour, what does she expect you to do, smile sweetly and forget it.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/02/2018 18:49

Absolutely agree your DD should never be forced to have this child at her party. 'Rising above it' doesn't always mean ignoring it.

rascallyrascal · 23/02/2018 18:57

Well done OP! You have come out of this with your head held high and a clear conscience. More than can be said for that deluded cowbag.

TwoDrifters · 23/02/2018 19:00

Oh my word the injustice of it all. “Your DD can come if it stops all this nastiness”. What nastiness?! HER nastiness?! Will it stop her nastiness?! She’s the only one who can decide that. You’ve smiled and been polite to her for way longer than she deserve. What an ignorant woman.

TwoDrifters · 23/02/2018 19:00

Agh!

*deserves

LexieLulu · 23/02/2018 19:26

Well done OP xxx

Quadrangle · 23/02/2018 19:32

That angered me too TwoDrifters

Doublemint · 23/02/2018 19:32

Wow. I'm genuinely shocked at the ignorance and arrogance of this woman. She should be ashamed of herself.

You have handled this situation very well OP. I really hope this is the end of it.

honeylulu · 23/02/2018 19:34

OP you are awesome. It sounds like everyone has the measure of NDN which is great.
Sorry your little girl was hurt though obviously

Iluvthe80s · 23/02/2018 19:44

The front of that woman unbelievable hopefully she will get the message and stay the fuck away. Well done OP glass of wine for you

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/02/2018 19:45

If NDN wants the nastiness to stop, all she has to do is stop being nasty.

Iluvthe80s · 23/02/2018 19:47

I really do feel sorry for NDN DD.

Willow2017 · 23/02/2018 20:12

Snowman
Make sure your daughter has a party and invites everyone including this girl. Sometimes the best action is to rise above it

You would invite a girl who gave your dd concussion, knocked your daughter over, gave her a cut knee and spat on her?

Wow! Hell would freeze over first in this house

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/02/2018 20:53

Ndn has absolutely no self awareness does she!

Cauliflowersqueeze · 23/02/2018 21:32

You’re quite right. Until the spitting thing I would have said she should be invited, it was only her mother that was horrible.

I would be shaking too. It’s just dreadful she lives next door. She’s an absolute cow.
I would want to move away too. 💐

OldGuard · 23/02/2018 22:01

Actually I would invite the ndn dd to a party - I would have an adult watch behavior and child closely - but we are told that bullying comes from low self esteem and lack of good role models and intervention - excluding her doesn’t demonstrate kindness nor maturity or model good behavior - it feeds the bad behavior

I wouldn’t put my child at risk - but I would make sure to demonstrate what I hope is the right way as a society to prevent growing social isolation and the consequent problems

NewSingleMummy · 24/02/2018 00:38

Well done op.. hope this is the end of it now

snewsname · 24/02/2018 05:51

Tbh, although I agree that they shouldn't go to each other's parties, I think you've fanned the flames telling her to piss off. That was the closest you're likely to get to an apology and I think you're response should have been a bit more conciliatory. I appreciate you were probably in a bit of a panic at the time. But I think you may have made the situation worse as she will be convinced in her head that she held out an olive branch/apologised and you were nasty.
A better would have been
"I don't think dd will want to attend the party now and we've made other plans. I haven't been talking to other parents. They saw what was happening and came to their own conclusions but anyway thanks for coming round and trying to sort it out. I think the best course of action is is we put all this behind us now and encourage the girls to be polite and civil with each other. Hopefully we can do the same"
Perhaps a note along these lines saying that you were upset at the time she knocked and having thought it through...
I know this goes against all your instincts, but it might be worth doing to keep the peace. You have to live next door to this vile woman.

EllieMe · 24/02/2018 05:54

My guess is NDN was told by the school to sort it out.

MissEliza · 24/02/2018 06:25

I think your response should have been a bit more conciliatory. No the Op did just fine. She owes this woman nothing.

DarkPeakScouter · 24/02/2018 06:28

Right move sounds like a good idea

givemesteel · 24/02/2018 06:44

I hope the school takes this bullying seriously. Unfortunately this ndn mum is vindictive and that has rubbed off on the daughter.

My dc's school they're not allowed to have a whole class party where they exclude one or two kids, it is taken as a form of bullying, which I think is right.

snewsname · 24/02/2018 06:46

She certainly doesn't owe the woman anything but she does need to live next door to her.

emmyrose2000 · 24/02/2018 06:56

Snowman
Make sure your daughter has a party and invites everyone including this girl. Sometimes the best action is to rise above it

If another adult deliberately pushed you over more than once, including hard enough to give you a concussion, spat on you and basically treated you like shit, would you invite them to your party? I sincerely hope not. That's being both a doormat and telling your abuser that their disgusting behaviour is alright.

A parent's job is teach the their child that abuse is never okay. OP is doing that by her actions to date (which is more than can be said for NDN). There's no need to undermine that by inviting the bully into the child's own home (or party venue).

emmyrose2000 · 24/02/2018 06:58

I'd love to know what HT said to her

Me too! I bet it wasn't what the NDN wanted or expected, to hear.