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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 22/02/2018 20:17

Oh OP, poor DD. Hopefully the school will be on this from tomorrow now they have a full picture.

Bobbybobbins · 22/02/2018 20:17

Totally agree about seeing the Head. I'm a secondary teacher and a student would get an internal exclusion for this type of violent behaviour towards another child with serious repercussions if it then happened again. I don't think separating them in the same class is good enough personally.

Hope it goes well tomorrow Thanks

Lizzie48 · 22/02/2018 20:25

I think you would be well justified to keep your DD off school tomorrow, until you've had the meeting with the head and you know there's a plan in place to keep her safe. It's what DH and I would do if it was one of our DDs. We need to have confidence our DCs are safe at school.

billybagpuss · 22/02/2018 20:38

Good luck tomorrow, let us know how you get on x

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/02/2018 20:45

I feel sorry for your dd but ultimately she has a lot of love and will be fine. It NDN’s dd I really feel sorry for... Other children not wanting to come to her party, because of her vike behaviour at 5. Then being manipulated into attacking other children by her own mother??? WTAF??
She’s not on track for a happy childhood is she.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/02/2018 20:45

Vile not vike

Cauliflowersqueeze · 22/02/2018 21:05

I would ring in the morning and ask to make an appointment to discuss it.

Totally agree with thatswot

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 22/02/2018 21:34

You and dh sound like terrific parents. I am so sorry your dd is being bullied and you have to live next to an adult who must think this behavouir is ok.

I hope you can see the head tomorrow and make a plan for dd.

kathryn77 · 22/02/2018 21:54

I would consider keeping her off, demand an appointment with the head or phase leader and go from there. They have a duty of case to keep your child safe. Your Dd needs to feel safe in the school environment.

To be honest I am surprised they didn’t call you before the end of school if this happened at lunch time.

kathryn77 · 22/02/2018 21:56

And take the screen shots your friend took too plus the text messages.

CantRememberWhichUsernameImOn · 22/02/2018 22:05

What a vile cow!
I'd be sending my DH round to speak to her DH to see if this situation can be diffused a bit, mainly for DD sake!

NewSingleMummy · 22/02/2018 23:40

Your poor daughter

Ikanon · 22/02/2018 23:50

I wouldn't keep her off because she'll be even more nervous on Monday having had 3 days to stew over it.

DameGlitterSparkles · 23/02/2018 00:03

Wow you're a better person than me OP I'd have knocked her the fuck out by now. She really is a nasty piece of work isn't she!!! 😡

Littlemissdaredevil · 23/02/2018 07:09

Ndn mum is making things worse for her DD. She has obviously poisoned her DD against your DD. I bet all the other children have seen her attack your DD and even less will want to come to her party and be her friend!

Clutterbugsmum · 23/02/2018 07:27

I hope your DD is ok today.

I would give ndn and her dd a wide berth for now, do not allow ndn dd to carry on as normal with your dd outside school. If she tries to walk with your dd cross the road with DD to move away from her.

MadMags · 23/02/2018 07:34

Disgusting cow.

My dc wouldn’t even know to spit at someone, which just goes to show what type of parent you’re dealing with!

I agree with going to the Head and don’t let them fob you off.

In my experience, 98% of bullying cases are dealt with abominably by schools so be prepared to have to fight your dd’s corner.

GrapesAreMyJam · 23/02/2018 07:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

littlebillie · 23/02/2018 07:41

Something like this happened to a friend of ours at their school. Their DD was targeted by two children It ended in death threats from one parent and the police got involved.

Please document everything and I hope she is okay

0hCrepe · 23/02/2018 07:45

Your poor DD! Your ndn sounds really lacking in many ways. I think the only way to actually sort this out though is to get together mums and dds and talk it through with mediation. Because this other dd will continue getting punishments but then lash out again because of her inadequate mother’s influence.

Iluvthe80s · 23/02/2018 07:49

worth seeing if anything else has been put up on FB by NDN via your friend. Maybe something incriminating. Hope the school agree to manage this in the correct way if you meet them today!

mumof2sarah · 23/02/2018 08:23

I'm so sorry to your DD and you OP what an awful thing to be going through. Speaking to school sounds like the best option. I've worked in a school and can guarantee they will see through what ever NDN is saying. Hope your DD is ok xxx

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 23/02/2018 08:31

Your poor DD. My OH is a primary teacher and he said you should ask for a 1-1 with the head where you can put your side of things across calmly, then if you do have a meeting with NDN and she kicks off, you can sit back and let herself dig a bigger hole. He also said you need to demand assurances they will keep the NDN's DD away from yours at break time for the time being and if they don't and she gets hurt again, escalate with a complaint to the governors.

Quadrangle · 23/02/2018 09:13

I agree with what WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo suggested you do

billybagpuss · 23/02/2018 09:22

To be fair from what OP has said I think the school have behaved well unlike the NDN.

What did you decide this morning, hope she's feeling a bit happier.