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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Mamadothehump · 22/02/2018 17:31

Oh my goodness! Your poor DD (and you!) Not sure what next course of action needs to be but the school absolutely need to step up to ensure this doesn't happen againThanks

billybagpuss · 22/02/2018 17:40

Yes I'll second that you are a fab mum. x

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 17:44

Thank you. I don't feel like a fab mum, I feel like someone's dislike of me has harmed my DD. And I feel powerless because I ultimately have to send her somewhere where she receives physical and emotional bullying and I can't protect her. We are watching a movie together right now and she seems ok, but is very cuddly and occasionally just sobs before composing herself. My baby, ultimately, is being bullied because another adult doesn't like me and is using our children to hurt me. Who the fuck does that? Twisted bitch!!

OP posts:
SchoolMoney · 22/02/2018 17:53

Your poor DD😓 that woman is a disgrace. I really would want to go around and scream the head off her but I know it's not the best thing to do. Hopefully the school hops off her after this.

Fekko · 22/02/2018 18:04

Does your husband know - and is he likely to want to go over for a face to face? Not the best course of action (you haven’t mentioned a dad there) as she could spin it into all sorts.

Lizzie48 · 22/02/2018 18:12

The OP did mention a DH, @Fekko he did the school run this morning. I do agree, though, that confronting the NDN wouldn't be a good idea. You definitely need to press the school as to what they intend to do, though. They need to make sure your DD is safe from this kind of behaviour at school.

Willswife · 22/02/2018 18:12

I think I would speak to the head and see if she will have you both in for a joint meeting. You have obviously not done anything inflammatory but she has.

Her behaviour is impacting on her child and as a result of that your child has been assaulted.

School need to deal with this hard and fast. I would be raging if my child was spat at.

You can evidence that the piss poor behaviour is one sided and the mother needs to be made aware that she needs to set a better example to her child.

Fekko · 22/02/2018 18:16

No I meant NDN other half. Not sure if that makes it any better but if she’s a mum on her own and a pissed off dad chaps at the door, she sounds like someone who’d call the police ‘terrified for her life’.

ExFury · 22/02/2018 18:23

Don't go near her door, but do speak to the school. Pushing and shoving is bad enough, but spitting on her steps it up to another level.

Ask them what they plan to do to keep your DD safe. And make sure that none of their plans include enforced friendship or excluding your DD in any way.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/02/2018 18:26

Oh no your poor dad, I wonder what poison her mum has been feeding her about your dd. Teachers are aware of it, so hopefully can keep an eye on the situation. A bully, breeding a bully. Your dd shod go to school tomorrow with her head held high, she has every right to be there and to an education as this girl.

Lizzie48 · 22/02/2018 18:27

Fair enough, @Fekko that is true. Therefore been no suggestion from the OP that her DH is likely to do anything to inflame the situation. My DH certainly wouldn't, he would be very keen to email the head about it, though. I think that's what you need to be doing, @Woman go through all the channels.

Pinky14 · 22/02/2018 18:30

Hmmmm I wonder where the daughter gets it from... If my children don’t get invited and they are upset I tell them we couldn’t go anyway as we are busy..!

ObscuredbyFog · 22/02/2018 18:34

Time to start a paper trail with School OP, email them and ask how they are going to assure your dd's safety after this latest incident.

Don't ask about NDN's dd, don't ask about punishment, just keep it all about your dd and her safety.

Flowers
CatsCatsCats11 · 22/02/2018 18:35

What a disgusting individual she is... OP you are a fab mum.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 18:49

She has a husband, he seems ok. He is very quiet, appears to work long hours running his own DIY business.

OP posts:
TwoDrifters · 22/02/2018 18:50

I feel sick reading this, your poor DD.

You have handled everything so calmly and laudably thus far. I agree with PPs that it’s time to fully involve the school to ensure your DD’s future safety.

As for your vile NDN I wouldn’t be smiling or waving anymore (obviously!) I wouldn’t even deign to look in her direction.

From her FB updates alone, it’s clear this is a woman who thrives on drama, so it will drive her insane to receive absolutely no reaction from you at all.

Let everything come directly from the school. I wouldn’t necessarily block her number - much though I would want to - as future vitriolic texts might be useful as evidence, but I wouldn’t respond to any direct contact.

What a nightmare. I’m so sorry to hear how things have escalated. Roll on your lovely family weekend in Legoland! Flowers

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 18:51

My DH is lovely and not at all confrontational. He is upset for DD and has bought her home an early (very!) Easter Egg and a book.

OP posts:
sanpelligrino · 22/02/2018 18:58

Rejection is protection! Be glad you don't have to hang out with this awful woman!

Heliophilous · 22/02/2018 19:00

This is awful. I think you should email the school right now and ask for a meeting with the head and possibly also the class teacher tomorrow. They need to tell you how they will keep your daughter safe.

So sorry for your girl. I hope she bounces back quickly.

ColourfulOrangex · 22/02/2018 20:02

This is terrible, your poor DD

I think NDN needs to realise what she is doing but people like that don't normally realise and if they do unfortunately they don't really care

I definitely think you need to go to the head, make sure they put some form of supervision in with the children when they are together so your daughter doesn't get hurt again Thanks

spiney · 22/02/2018 20:04

Oh dear OP. So sorry to hear what has happened to your DD.

I was reading the updates on this thread this morning and I had a really bad feeling about the whole situation. Not in a wooo way - just that your NDN is such a piece of work that she isn't going to just take this situation re the party, and I know it's not of your making OP, lying down. It really seemed like there would be more. She's a ranter and a raver , barmy drama queen bitch. There's no way she'll just disappear quietly into the background.

Guaranteed she's been kicking off at home, furious and slagging off you and your daughter. That's her style. I'm glad you've been able to explain it to the teacher.^^

The crazy thing is she's brought it all on herself.

Iluvthe80s · 22/02/2018 20:05

Do the school have on record the concussion caused by NDN daughter and today's incident? Make sure it is logged. Its evidence of what has been going on. I would schedule a meeting with the Head and insist thayt something is trip. Deliberately hurting your daughter and spitting! Vile. But don;t allow yourself to get dragged into an exchange with NDN. Rise above it

Iluvthe80s · 22/02/2018 20:06

Something is done! not trip!

lorelairoryemily · 22/02/2018 20:07

Your poor little girl, ndn is a rotten bitch. I think I'd give the poor little thing the day off tomorrow and go and talk to the school about how they plan to protect her from that horrible bully, you and your DH sound like lovely parents. I feel for you, it's awful seeing your child hurt and upsetThanks

Iluvthe80s · 22/02/2018 20:08

While your child is on school premises, they have a duty of care to keep her safe! they need to be reminded of that fact methinks!

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