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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
MissEliza · 23/02/2018 09:26

She has had concussion, a cut knee and been spat on since Xmas. This is disgusting and pretty serious stuff for a year 1 child to be doing. If it were my school, I'd expect the parents to be hauled in. I'd also expect the staff to be keeping a very close eye. The school needs to see all the screen shots from FB because it's absolutely relevant to the behaviour that's happening now.

GetsPostByOwl · 23/02/2018 10:56

@WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe did your DD go to school this morning? I do hope so. As a op said, putting it off til next week might make her worry more.
And if you did go, I hope Nasty NDN kept her vile gob firmly shut.

CantRememberWhichUsernameImOn · 23/02/2018 12:24

Hope all went ok today op!

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 23/02/2018 16:06

I took DD into school late on purpose so that we could both avoid NDN, only like ten minutes or so. We went straight to the school office and the welfare officer and head agreed to meet with me that morning. I kept DD with me until the meeting.

Outcome is that ndn dd is not allowed out at break or lunch for today and all of next week so DD should be safe for then. All middays and staff will be made aware of situation so all will be watching for DD. Head already had meeting booked with ndn to discuss situation and that was due to happen this afternoon. She is hopeful that ndn will support them in their action and ndn DD will be supported by welfare officer to help with her aggression. I doubt ndn will respond well but it's great they are trying to help her dd.

My DD went to class after and has had a good day. Ndn DD didn't speak to her in class and she has been very chatty about her day and her friends which is great to see.

Hopefully this is the end to it now.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 23/02/2018 16:11

I hope so. I'm glad that you and DD are feeling better.

It's good that you had a calm conversation with the school. Everyone on Facebook will have seen her rants. She can only dig a bigger hole by carrying this on.

Notasunnybunny · 23/02/2018 16:11

Presumably you gave school the full story?

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 23/02/2018 16:17

Brilliant and correct response from the school. The NDN would be mad to escalate this any further, because she'll be putting her daughter's school place in jeopardy. I really hope your DD can put this behind her now. Have a lovely weekend OP, you deserve it!

Lizzie48 · 23/02/2018 16:21

That's a really good result, @WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe I'm so pleased the school have been so supportive as it's often not the case. Hope your NDN responds well to the school intervention.

Hope you and DD enjoy the weekend, that's a load off your shoulders, isn't it? Thanks

MissEliza · 23/02/2018 17:03

I think the school are doing everything right so far.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/02/2018 17:23

Been following and just wanted to say Flowers to you and your DD. I honestly can't think of anything you could have done better in this situation.

Iluvthe80s · 23/02/2018 17:28

That's great that the school have put measures in place. I hope your DD and you have a lovely weekend!

BewareOfDragons · 23/02/2018 18:13

I suspect NDN won't take the punishment news well ... brace yourself for the next sighting.

I'm glad the school appear to be taking it seriously. They MUST stop this behaviour.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 23/02/2018 18:14

Thanks everyone.

Ndn just called over. She stayed at door thank God! Conversation went something like this.

Me: hello
Ndn: I understand there was an issue with the girls. It's hard for my DD because she doesn't always know her own strength.
Me interrupting: she spat on my DD
Ndn: so your DD says, we don't know that's true.
Me: I washed your dd's gob out of my dds hair.
Ndn: I'm not here for a row. Look if DD really wants to come to the party she can if it will stop all the nastiness.
Me: she doesn't want to, we have plans
Ndn: so why the fuck turn everyone against me and upset our kids for nothing?!
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about. Please piss off and don't speak to me or any of my family again.
Slam door
Ndn knocked again but I didn't answer. Luckily DD was too absorbed in her barbie film to hear anything.

Can't believe I live next door to her though! Off to search Rightmove now....
And have locked the door and put the chain on....

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 23/02/2018 18:15

Fantastic news :)

billybagpuss · 23/02/2018 18:17

Well done. thats great :)

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/02/2018 18:18

Urgh. Thats probably as close as you're going to get to an apology!

Well done. Think you've handled this really well. And so much better than I would have. Hope this is the end to it all

AppleKatie · 23/02/2018 18:21

Well done OP perfect response.

NDN clearly lacks the insight into her behaviour necessary to make amends

MadMags · 23/02/2018 18:22

Well done! :)

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/02/2018 18:24

She really doesn't get what she did wrong, does she? In her head excluding one girl from the whole class because you don't like the parents is fine and anyone who tells her otherwise is deluded.

She is in for a shock once she realises the rest of the world doesn't agree with her!

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 23/02/2018 18:24

I'm actually shaking a bit, probably , adrenaline I didn't show it but I hate confrontation and my stomach flipped when I opened the door and she was stood there.

OP posts:
Fekko · 23/02/2018 18:27

So she thinks that you’ve turned everyone against her (and no one is going to the party?). She just won’t accept that her and her daughters behaviour is bad?

NurseP · 23/02/2018 18:29

Well done! You managed to stand up for yourself and daughter without lowering yourself to her standards! Good job! X

Snowman123 · 23/02/2018 18:29

What a nasty piece of work. Had she invited a handful of girls I wouldn't have said that.

But to invite every girl except your daughter is just pain spiteful.

Make sure your daughter has a party and invites everyone including this girl. Sometimes the best action is to rise above it.

billybagpuss · 23/02/2018 18:30

I'd love to know what HT said to her :)

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 23/02/2018 18:31

I would have done that Snowman123 but since she spat at and hurt my DD she will never be getting an invite here.

OP posts: