DH Smells

[islarose1110]

This is very personal and I've NC because I'm so embarrassed. As the title says, my DH smells. He will only shower every 2-3 weeks sometimes longer. I've tried everything, tried to be kind when I speak to him, buying him nice smellies, being blunt ... but he never seems to catch on. So tonight, he's gone off in a huff because I told him he smelt and needed a shower. I absolutely hate hurting his feelings but don't know what else I could have done. I can only assume that his colleagues must notice and I hate to think what they must think. I cannot understand why he's happy to let himself get like this. I do love him but hate this. AIBU to think this is a problem?

Has he gone and had a shower or just huffed off and refused?

Yes a massive problem, I’m surprised his manager hasn’t had to have an embarrassing chat with him about personal hygiene!

What’s his reason for not showering ffs? There’s no excuse! What’s the point of wearing clean clothes if you’re dirty? Does he even wear clean clothes?

Sometimes longer than 3 weeks?

You must be a saint OP. I would have banished DH after 3 days of not showering. Do you share a bed?

Tell him he stinks and needs to wash himself, that sounds rank

I remember once coming on here because I was pissed off that DH didn’t wash his hands after he came out the bathroom, for a 1 or a 2.

I got roasted on here. Properly flamed, told that I’m not his mother and he was well within his right to be annoyed that I nagged him to do a simple task.

Every 2-3 weeks? That's grim

I read that as 2-3 days (which is bad enough!) let alone 3 weeks! He's clearly not bothered about offending you so I think I'd go for tough love. Honestly have no idea how you are even sharing a bed with him

Do you know why?

I've had to do this. In the end we had more or less the following chat;

Me: You know how you really like sex?
Him: Mmmm, yes!
Me: When you are all fresh and clean and your breath is all minty, it's really sexy, but BO and grotty teeth make me want to sleep in the spare room.
Him: I'll be back in half an hour (sounds of washing and scrubbing ensue).

He probably was a bit put out at being called a stinker, but he got over it.

Has he always been like this or has something changed? Tbh I don’t think I could be attracted to someone who smells, let alone marry them!

You must mean days not weeks surely! Without being graphic about it - I can’t imagaine the state of his health in his downstairs regions (both back and front) of he really isn’t washing for that long).

I was thinking possible depression too.

You must have no intimacy OP if he doesn't wash? So it must be having a big impact on your relationship together.

Is this new behaviour? How vile. Personally, I wouldn't give two shits if I hurt his feelings. Him being a disgusting pig hurts YOUR feelings, and he should be ashamed of himself. Ask him if he has even considered what other people must be thinking - out in public and at work. For me, this would 100% be a deal breaker.

I was thinking depression too. Has he always been like that? X

I think this sounds familiar because it's actually a common issue. Although going weeks without a shower is rank.
My DP doesn't think to use deodorant after a shower, so within a few hours of having a shower he can start to smell, and even then he can happily go a good few days without a shower, I've not counted the days and not always aware of when he showers but I wouldn't put it past him to go a week.
If it's the weekend and were staying in I don't say anything, but if it's during the week or we will be socialising I feel I have to tell him and insist he showers. Most of the time he does, after having a bit of a paddy about me saying he smells. I really can't find a nice way to say it.
But then he also has bad breath (ongoing tooth problem, awaiting hospital appointment) so at the moment I'm either moaning about BO or bad breath....

Is there any bedroom action in your house op?

My ex used to shower every 18 months or so. Disgusting it is!

I'm really hoping you meant 2-3 days (although that still would be 🤢), rather than 2-3 weeks!

Could he be depressed?

Sorry and no you're not being unreasonable.

How was his upbringing? I can't imagine anyone not being taught as a child or teen that they need to wash regularly. Has it always been like this?

Does he actually dislike washing (sensory issue??) or is it just that he can't be bothered and doesn't see the need?

I think you need to get to the root of why he doesn't wash before you can address it.

@fantasmasgoria1 18 months?!!!!! Whaaaaat?!

My dad only showers once a week but to be fair to him he doesn't smell. So it is possible but I'm presuming this isn't the case for the OP or she wouldn't have put that in the title.

YANBU. It's surely unhygienic as much as smelly.