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AIBU?

DH Smells

132 replies

islarose1110 · 19/02/2018 21:13

This is very personal and I've NC because I'm so embarrassed. As the title says, my DH smells. He will only shower every 2-3 weeks sometimes longer. I've tried everything, tried to be kind when I speak to him, buying him nice smellies, being blunt ... but he never seems to catch on. So tonight, he's gone off in a huff because I told him he smelt and needed a shower. I absolutely hate hurting his feelings but don't know what else I could have done. I can only assume that his colleagues must notice and I hate to think what they must think. I cannot understand why he's happy to let himself get like this. I do love him but hate this. AIBU to think this is a problem?

OP posts:

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BeyondTerfyCassandra · 19/02/2018 22:42

My DH actually does have an allergic reaction from shower/bath water (he's okay swimming, unlike pp), yet he still manages to shower most days.

I have had to be blunt at times though, just as he can be with me sometimes (I get distracted with other things and forget I haven't showered - asd). He also has hyperhydrosis

Riverside2 · 19/02/2018 22:43

Just reading this makes me feel ill

Was in a nice bar on Friday night, a guy walked by us and we immediately got a wave of BO

He was alone and poor waitress could be seen grimacing as she stood taking his order.

How his colleagues cope I don't know. Is he depressed or ill in some other way?

BeyondTerfyCassandra · 19/02/2018 22:43

Welsh, when I don't remove my underarm hair, it actually produces less BO than when I do.

OnNaturesCourse · 19/02/2018 22:50

My DP showers every day but is a very ...scented...person. I frequently have to point this out to him and encourage more use of deodorant. It's not that he doesn't wash, or take care of himself, he just sweats more and is very hairy etc and I guess that he is so used to "his smell" that he can't smell it. He doesn't however take any offence to it (now, he did to start with in our dating days) and understands I'm trying to help (I'd fully expect him to point out if I got a bit pongy too!!)

I think men generally smell a bit rougher than women, and funny enough aren't bothered by it as much as women. Plus for some reason a lot of men don't seem to really scrub when washing. Maybe I'm OCD but a shower to me means a proper scrub down, squeaky clean kinda thing.

Perhaps suggest a joint shower? You wash my back I'll wash yours kinda thing?

Queenofthestress · 19/02/2018 22:52

@BeyondTerfyCassandra ask him if we can swap? Lol I'd love to learn how to swim but it's making me itchy just thinking about it!

TheJoyOfSox · 19/02/2018 22:52

I’m sorry for you op. Just reading this makes me cringe! It truly would be a dealbreaker and I’d be telling him At least alternative days showering or remain single forever more you smelly arse! Sometimes cruel to be kind, sometimes people don’t understand subtle. Either way, you’re a better woman than me. I just couldn’t bring myself to handle his dirty cheesy appendage!

WeddingsAreStressful · 19/02/2018 22:59

Is OP not coming back to at least give some background? That sounds utterly disgusting. I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/02/2018 23:08

Sometimes poor hygiene is a symptom of depression, but sometimes it's just selfish laziness. What's the rest of his behaviour like, OP?

(I don't have a bath every day but I do have a sink wash every morning and night.)

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:14

You have tried everything else. I think you need to just start being blunt. Nothing else is working.

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:16

The thing is when people really stink, their nose stops smelling it. So he won't smell that he smells bad.

Agree with another posted that my underarm hair means I smell less than when it is shaved.

nNina22 · 19/02/2018 23:16

The thought of having sex with someone who hasn't washed his meat and two veg for days or weeks makes me want to throw up

Sweetpea55 · 19/02/2018 23:18

Imagine having sex with an unwashed knob....

sanityisamyth · 19/02/2018 23:21

My ExH stank most of the time (didn't wash or wear deodorant) and then wondered why I didn't want to be near him. He also didn't brush his teeth and wondered why I didn't want to kiss him.

One hot, summers day he was helping us to move from one flat to another nearby (carrying stuff downstairs then upstairs). He stank so much my sister and I were retching every time we were near him and he still couldn't understand why we told him to have a wash.

Was disgusting. He's an ExH for a reason.

Perfectnight · 19/02/2018 23:27

Some people just don’t care if they smell. No shame at all.

BakedBeans47 · 19/02/2018 23:28

2 - 3 weeks?! How the fuck have you been putting up with it for this long? My son is 11 and smells if he doesn’t shower frequently, i can’t imagine how much worse an adult would niff.

Even if he’s depressed he needs to fucking clean himself! I have been depressed and had no interest in myself but I’ve always managed to wash myself.

Surely other people must have said something to him eg people at work?

Tough shit if he takes the hump OP it’s not acceptable for him to be like this. He can’t possibly think it is?

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:31

If someone is so depressed they are not washing, yes they need wider help. But they still need to be told to wash.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2018 23:32

'My son is 11 and smells if he doesn’t shower frequently, i can’t imagine how much worse an adult would niff.'

My son is 9 and tall for his age and also bongs if he gets very sweaty. But he insists on daily showers and sometimes twice a day.

AngryAttackKittens · 19/02/2018 23:41

18 months? Was he lost in the wilderness and unable to find a handy stream?

Back to the OP - that's completely unacceptable and I wouldn't be sharing a house with him, never mind a bed. Too bad if telling him he stinks hurts his feelings, better than him hurting everyone else's noses!

SirVixofVixHall · 19/02/2018 23:44

I once knew of someone who never washed. (once a year apparently). His girlfriend confided that his knob had gone mouldy. Yes, actual green mould. I'd forgotten about him until reading this.
Anyway, if DH was horribly grimy and stinky I would tell him bluntly that he needed a bath. If he stayed stinky I would refuse to let him in the bed. It is really anti-social to be filthy and smell terrible. Going a day or two without bathing sometimes is understandable, but WEEKS? I would see this as a selfish lack of consideration for others tbh, (unless there was a very good reason, such as severe depression, illness or grief).

BakedBeans47 · 19/02/2018 23:45

But he insists on daily showers and sometimes twice a day.

Lucky you we have to force ours

AngryAttackKittens · 19/02/2018 23:57

I once knew of someone who never washed. (once a year apparently). His girlfriend confided that his knob had gone mouldy. Yes, actual green mould. I'd forgotten about him until reading this.

We need a vomiting smiley for this.

HazelBite · 20/02/2018 00:59

The Op hasn't returned she is probably feeling embarassed, at her lack of assertiveness with her partner, and how her partner feels this is normal, and how up to now she has put up with it.
I know (from the area I used to work in) that lack of personal hygeine has been cited as reasonable grounds for divorce.
His behaviour is disrepectful to his partner.

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StrangeLookingParasite · 20/02/2018 09:16

I think lots of people can have skin irritation from hard water.

It's the reason I don't shower every day. The water here is as hard as a rock - if I shower every day my skin flakes off.

StrangeLookingParasite · 20/02/2018 09:18

We need a vomiting smiley for this.

Yes. Yes we do.

Oh god, bleaaaaagh.

juneau · 20/02/2018 09:21

His girlfriend confided that his knob had gone mouldy.

He had a girlfriend????

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