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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

297 replies

DippyScout · 19/02/2018 20:30

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

OP posts:
nailslikeknives · 19/02/2018 23:02

Shouldwestay - oops, I basically repeated you. Shoulda RTFT Blush

Forgeteverythingandremember · 19/02/2018 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BouleBaker · 20/02/2018 06:44

Oh my goodness. I’m an ABSL and you have all just made me appreciate our parents a whole lot more. At the moment our parents are generally very supportive and lovely. I just hope that continues.

Taffeta · 20/02/2018 06:55

DD is now a Guide, having been a Brownie and Rainbow for years. We have the same Guide leader as Brown Owl she had at Brownies, and she is absolutely wonderful.

I often remark on this to other parents and say things like “isn’t she wonderful, volunteering for this? Must take up so much of her tome each week” etc

The number of people that either don’t know/realise/care that’s its a voluntary role & unpaid is staggering! And of those that do, a few who reply “well, she chooses to do it” - the entitled, grabby ones.

I’ve adjusted how I view parents dependent on how they view her and treat her. Makes me so sad that some people are so ungrateful and entitled.

EllieMe · 20/02/2018 07:07

Have a stock response ready-

If you aren't happy with how the group is run then please remove your child so a child on the waiting list can join.

That's what I do with the youth group I run.

londonrach · 20/02/2018 07:14

Thats awful op. It should be set that every parent helps twice a year no excuse if they dont they child loses their place. Also any parent who makes the leader cry like you are the child loses their place end of story. Say with parents who dont pay theysubs. They have three weeks to pay then child loses their place. Hope you ok op x

BookWitch · 20/02/2018 07:20

I'm a Division Commissioner and Trainer for Girlguiding.

I sympathise completely OP.
I also dislike that poem, and dislike pressing parents to "volunteer" - it's an oxymoron in that case. I equally dislike the "I'd love to help but" brigade. You either choose to help or you don't, I don't need to know the excuse (I don't judge how you choose to spend your time, I'd rather have a willing volunteer), but don't complain when others are volunteering.

A willing, enthusiastic volunteer is worth a dozen reluctant parents.
I have no magic answer I'm afraid but second the suggestion of asking for very specific jobs to be done - parent volunteers often complain "'I went but I felt like a spare part as I didn't know what to do".
I suggest asking a parent specifically to stay for the first 15 mins to help you set up- This is not a massive ask if they are dropping off anyway and can be a big help.
Similarly, ask a different parent to come 15 mins before the end to help clear up.
Ask if any parent would like to run a short session, maybe based on their skills/job. One of our parents was a yoga teachers and she came and did a session with our Rainbows Get Healthy Badge, was brilliant and totally in her comfort zone, running a Rainbow meeting wasn't.
Ask someone to do your accounts? Someone who can't make meetings due to work, younger child at home etc might be able to help with that.

I have no magic answer but I agree with other that you should step back if it is no longer fun, it should definitely be fun for you too. Don't feel guilty.

Quickerthanavicar · 20/02/2018 07:25

YANBU
Can parents get a helper badge?
As has already been said 'working' with other people's children is generally hell on wheels.
Maybe you need a break from it.

ny20005 · 20/02/2018 07:33

Stock auto reply to all emails directing parents to new Facebook beaver group

Anyone that publicly complains ok there will probably we very quickly shot down by other parents

Our beaver colony is the only one we have no shortage of parent helpers

Cubs & Scouts is another matter - no interest at all. Scout leader was told that we're the cheapest baby sitter in the town 😩

Aebj · 20/02/2018 07:33

I used to be a cub leader . I can’t say I miss it!!!
We sent out the term planner and on it we named the families that had to help that week. We had two per week. So everyone knew who was meant to help.
We got some great parents ( two ended up being leaders!!) some were more than useless 😂😂.
The parents were to turn up 30 minutes before the session and we gave them jobs. This worked well as it made them feel like they were valued. We also said thank you at the end of the evening to them( no buggers ever said thanks to the leaders😂😂).
Before this we were close to closing the pack. We sent a letter home to parents saying it would close it parents didn’t help.
I left because my eldest hold moved to scouts and my youngest left cubs and didn’t want to do scouts. My job was also less flexible and being a defence family and hubby going away, I couldn’t do it.

NurseryFightClub · 20/02/2018 07:34

My dd is too young for rainbows etc yet, but the local group seem to really have fun. Thankyou for the thread, when she's old enough, I'll make sure I offer to help out. Please don't let a few parents spoil it for you OP

BikeRunSki · 20/02/2018 07:34

Very interesting. I’m a Cub sectional assistant; I volunteered when I realised how much effort the leaders put in, yet still parents complained- some genuinely think that the subs they pay go to the leaders. Anyway, our Beaver leader has just resigned after 30 years. I am also group Comms Officer and will be putting together an email mext term to recruit a new Beaver leader. I’m not holding my breath if past performance for asking for volunteers is anything to go by. We have a parent rota in Cubs and Beavers, it’s amazing how many parents cancel at short notice.

shakeyourcaboose · 20/02/2018 07:35

I think the response from toffeelatte would compound it for me, taking absolutely no recognition of the work leaders do, and in fact its YOUR fault if they don't have a ball when they do volunteer... And of course the snidey, "well leave if you don't like it"....

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2018 07:38

My goodness I don't blame you op, my dd used to go to Rainbows and Brownies, and the leaders were fantastic, and like you, put a lot of time and effort to make sessions fun and link them to badges. Next time a parent complains, I would ask them if they would like to be involved like you, as a volunteer helper, and help plan sessions. I wonder if you can get a badge that you can wear, saying I am a volunteer for Beavers, I don't get paid, or something like that.

I never have the time myself, as dd is Autistic, and has developmental delay, and ds 6 has sn, so I have my hands full, but if I were able to, I would.

Bigfatpicnic · 20/02/2018 07:45

This makes me so cross, you volunteer, you are doing a good job, you should be appreciated, not given a hard time with no support.
My kids go Beavers and Cubs and I am very grateful to the leaders and volunteers who run the groups. We have had parent rotas for various reasons to help the leader. To be honest it's the same parents help out each time and the same parents moan. Personally I would not put up with the moaning I overhear, but the leaders are too nice and seem to let it go. I'd be very direct with the parents if it was me.
They often have Scouts who help out at the sessions, I am assuming they are working towards a badge? And older senior school kids who are doing their Duke Of Ed award. Maybe approach a local secondary school? This won't solve the parent issue, but it might get you some help.
I always make sure I take my turn in helping, and I always help on weekend activities as I have more time to help. I am always thanked for helping with the added comment-it doesn't go unnoticed as to which parents help and which don't!
I think you need to start getting firm with these parents, or close the group down. You could always go as a support to another colony.
I hope you find a way forward OP.

clippityclock · 20/02/2018 07:48

I called a few parents out on my sons Scout group page for moaning and pointed out that they are volunteers with jobs teaching our kids great stuff. They apologised 😁.

calzone · 20/02/2018 07:50

Brilliant advice on here OP.

What are you going to do?

somewhereovertherain · 20/02/2018 07:51

Parents are the worst and seem to have got a lot worse in recent years.

Always remember asking for help and one parent saying well I would be I work full time as a teacher and just don’t have the time. To which I replied so do I.

Did have some awesome parents as well but did leave in the end as was sick of planing stuff for the little precious children to be told too exciting or Johnny has be be in bed for 7. So YANBU. Sadly the kids loose out to the shit parenting of the UK. But I’m sure it’s the governments fault or the council. Not the fucking idiot parents.

SideOrderofSprouts · 20/02/2018 07:54

I had this problem at my beavers.

So each week when we appear to be low on parent numbers I tell them that if we are unable to get adult support for the night the meeting will be cancelled. It’s amazing how many parents then come forward

SideOrderofSprouts · 20/02/2018 07:55

Unfortunately we can’t use explorer scouts and teenagers as they don’t count in the ratio

clairedelalune · 20/02/2018 07:55

Dear Parent,
Thank you for your email; I have taken your comments on board.
Thank you for your continued support,
Kind regards,
Beaverleader

I would also remind parents that there are other colonies that they can choose to send their children to.

Longer term, I would compose a letter to all parents explaining that you love running the sessions but that due to your other commitments you need some support for the colony to continue, with a list of jobs/ volunteering rota, making it clear thattheir children's attendance is dependent on it. Put a deadline on it and explain that if you are unable to secure the support, then you will have to stand down on X date.

I totally understand why there are more and more people standing down.

Believeitornot · 20/02/2018 07:56

I sit on the committee of our local scout group and despair at the parents. Especially those who don’t help at all but I know they’ve got the time.

It’s really hard rounding up volunteers, drives me insane.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 20/02/2018 08:00

Sadly, volunteering in this age of selfishness and entitlement is,a mugs game Sad

I volunteered for years, and have had other parents sneer ("let her do the work as she has not got a proper job, poor thing") and demand crazy things (like the siblings of their kids not only partaking in the cricket tea (to which they contributed nothing) but to have first dibs before the players had even come off the pitch) and generally crazy behaviour

It's modern life: those who contribute least, demand most

DoinItForTheKids · 20/02/2018 08:01

You could, OP, if you have a particular activity coming up, cancel it at the last minute......

Layer 1: When they all start phoning up saying why isn't it on, you say, sadly, a complete lack of commitment from parents has forced you to cancel the activity and sadly you can only see this happening more frequently due to the unprecedented lack of support you are experiencing. Layer 2 (optional): The constant criticism and negativity is making you re-think your involvement with Beavers even though you love it so much but it's not sustainable for one person to do it all with no help, so you're cancelling the next booked activity as well to give you time with your family that you normally don't get due to Beavers, and time to think how you want to proceed.

acornwood · 20/02/2018 08:06

I was exactly the same . Some parents even said the subs paid my wages 🤔I told them I was a volunteer and the subs paid for hall hire , badges, snack activities . Luckily I had another baby and left. My older ds was cub age so did it out of enjoyment . I think we live in a very entitled world now sadly