To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

OP.
I set up and ran a Beaver Colony within an established and thriving scout group 25 years ago. The (friend) who had coerced me into setting it up with her, pulled out a month before we launched, as she was too busy.

Luckily I had 2 other leaders, but getting parent volunteers was like pulling teeth, and activities were often limited by lack of help.
I worked full time, had 3 kids (only 1 of Beaver age) and if my husband was late home from work sometimes had to take a whingey 3 year old with me.
Quite often, parents were very late collecting their kids, telling us that they’d got carried away chatting in the wine bar. (One of) the last straws for me, was when a mum was 45 minutes late, I was waiting with my knackered 6 and 3 year olds. When she arrived, I pointed out that she was late and that it had inconvenienced me. She said “ oooh sooo soorrry, shall I pay extra?” When I said that I didn’t get paid, she snorted and said “more fool you”.
The other cracker I remember was the child of a school governor (I worked in a school in a health role) who, one evening out in the park, handed me a bag containing his epipen - he was apparently allergic to bee stings. His mother had never bothered to tell me (or, I discovered later, the school!)
I did it for 5 years, loved the children, loved the activities, hated the parents.
Sorry, that was a rant.

Wow you’ve got a tough set of parents. I’ll be honest, I don’t actually care what my DCs do at beavers/Cubs/Scouts as long as they’re safe. You could make them do laps of the scout hall in return for a fire skills badge for all I care. I’m just glad there are people willing to tolerate mine and 20 other kids for a couple of hours a week out of the goodness of their hearts at a very reasonable cost. Bonus that you sometimes keep them overnight!! You’re practically a saint in my book. I’m so sorry the parents are ruining this for you. My only suggestion would be to call a meeting with the complainers and tell them what you have said in the OP. Probably not advisable though.

Here you go, "We are your leaders"
www.hugglescotebrownies.btck.co.uk/Leaders/We%20Are%20Your%20Leaders

I know it's on a Brownie page, but it still applies!
As a long term guider (25 yrs) I second the idea of a closed secret fb group for communication- it's much harder to be horrible if everyone can see you!
Go further up the tree- get the Scout exec involved.
Be upfront - tell all the parents that recent emails have upset you (don't name names, everyone will know who you mean.
If it doesn't improve, ask those parents to remove their children.
You have a waiting list, life is too short for this shit.

Guiding and Scouting should be fun for adults and children - when it's not fun, it's time to take a break!

Absolutely send a strong email or letter to everyone reminding them that all the leaders are volunteers, exactly what their subs pay for, and that you will not continue if you continue to receive complaints along the lines of (give examples).

I’m a CSL and I’ve said all along, when I stop enjoying it, I’m packing in. I nearly got to that point last term but this term has been better (a few troublesome cubs/parents have left)

It seems you have reached that point - YANBU OP

I volunteered as secretary for a group for teenagers for nearly 10 years.
The kids were mostly great.
The lazy, bitchy, ungrateful parents finished me off in the end.

YANBU at all OP. I ran a Rainbows unit for 2 years before I gave up due to the stress it was causing and the grief I’d endure from parents who had the cheek to approach me (about unimportant issues) on the school run, at the shop, GP surgery and library.

We used to enforce a parent helper rota as nobody would volunteer and it would always be the same ones who willingly agreed, with the rest refusing to support us at all. Add to that the hours I’d put in doing preparation, organising significant events and shopping, plus the meetings and training.

It would all have been worth it if everyone supported us, but we were treated badly by parents and regularly expected to hang around for up to an hour after sessions until parents deemed it appropriate to collect their offspring.

I left and never looked back, regaining my work/life balance which I protected from then on.

Ditch email and open a closed fb group.so their comments have to go on the page.

^^ this!!! @Allthewaves

I am a brownie leader and have never felt so down about volunteering as I do at the moment. I have no idea what the answer is, but wanted to offer some moral support. Feeling undervalued by parents and those above you (dc, county teams) does not inspire you to do your best. The girls in my unit are the reason I keep going, so it’s lucky that their behaviour has improved this term else there would be no brownies in my village.

Hi I'm a guide leader 4 years in and am stepping down although, tbf the parents have been hell from the get go as I took over (unbeknownst to them ) because the group faced closure due to the old leader not doing certain important things. Since then the poison has been spread by that person and it's become untenable.
I really wish I'd never taken it on.

Any parent that has made you cry, their child can leave. I don't care how lovely their child is, that's not ok in a professional environment, let alone a volunteer one. Tell the group in very general terms why some families are no longer welcome. I expect the most difficult of the rest will either leave or tone things down a lot.

If parents have more general issues, e.g. badges, they can come and help run them.

I would make it very clear to parents that you are a volunteer, close to leaving due to the stress this is causing you, and that things have to change or they will no longer have a beaver group at all.

I love that they are called colonies, too!

Okay. OP, get talking to the GSL and get this discussed by the Executive Committee. When I was Group Secretary, recruitment and retention of Leaders and Volunteers was certainly part of our remit.

One time we called a meeting for the parents of all the Beavers, Cubs and Scouts in the Group. We made it very, very clear that we were all volunteers, and that any parent hassle would lead to the child being removed from the group. We had a healthy waiting list (they still do, I had to cut my volunteering down) and made it obvious, so these parents suddenly realised we wouldn't miss them or their subs.

Try getting volunteers to do some of the less obvious stuff, eg admin such as taking registers, or prepping the stuff ready for the session, eaving leaders to concentrate on the children. Many of the parents don't want to supervise the children, but have plenty of other skills to offer that they may be more comfortable with, such as providing help for a badge you can't normally offer.

Someone else mentioned a Facebook page. We had a closed group for parents, which also included leaders, volunteers and committee members. All communication was directed to the page, with things like camping info pinned to the top. Personal emails were not given out, we had a group one that was monitored by the GSL and a couple of others. We had a group phone, no personal numbers given out to parents.

This is all stuff that we developed after having similar issues with parents and lack of volunteers. Not saying it's perfect, but having group FB, email and phone certainly cut down on hassle faced by our leaders, and the GSL ran interference at the beginning and end of sessions to redirect parents into using these group communications.

Do any parents say thank you? I've always tried my best to show my appreciation to leaders of various groups.

Oh OP, that sounds totally rubbish. I think you've had some great advice here: secret fb/whatsapp group for all comms; don't give out your email address; get a rota going (if only because it'll mean that your nice-but-uninvolved-parents might start getting more involved) - option to opt out for any who genuinely can't manage it - but most can do 1-2 sessions a term (get them to organise swops between themselves if they can't make the dates: not your problem!)

Oh, and since you can't (presumably) remove your email address from those who already know it, maybe draft a standard response email "Thank you for your comments. I'll bear that feedback in mind when planning future events" Just send it out to every complaint you get and they'll soon give up. Honestly, they don't deserve your energy.

As a parent of two who've been through beavers/cubs/scouts - I am in total awe of the leaders who've given so much and who get so much grief. Thank you for all you've done.

From the parent of a Cub - you guys are absolute heroes. I say thank you all the time, help when I can and am immensely grateful for all you do.

Maybe new recruits need to sign some sort of behaviour contract? (or rather their parents do.....)

So sorry OP. It would be a huge shame if you left but I understand why you feel like it.

My boy loves beavers and we do what we can (although can be tricky with a younger child and sometimes one parent away with work). We have two parents rota'd on every week, we each do a stint every half term. We didn't opt in to this, it's a given that if your child goes, you help (quite rightly).
Can you do this? Draw up a list and present it as a done deal?

We are also asked to get involved in fundraising- the beaver/cub/scout groups provide marshalls for a big sporting event around here - it takes up half a day on one weekend a year. We don't mind doing this as it's only once a year, I don't really understand why other parents expect something for nothing.

The idea about setting up a fb group is a great one - put up a pinned post with the rota for each term, then also a list of other jobs that need doing. I would also go as far as saying that beavers will only be able to attend subject to their parents getting involved. One warning and they're out.

So sorry OP. It would be a huge shame if you left but I understand why you feel like it.

My boy loves beavers and we do what we can (although can be tricky with a younger child and sometimes one parent away with work). We have two parents rota'd on every week, we each do a stint every half term. We didn't opt in to this, it's a given that if your child goes, you help (quite rightly).
Can you do this? Draw up a list and present it as a done deal?

We are also asked to get involved in fundraising- the beaver/cub/scout groups provide marshalls for a big sporting event around here - it takes up half a day on one weekend a year. We don't mind doing this as it's only once a year, I don't really understand why other parents expect something for nothing.

The idea about setting up a fb group is a great one - put up a pinned post with the rota for each term, then also a list of other jobs that need doing. I would also go as far as saying that beavers will only be able to attend subject to their parents getting involved. One warning and they're out.

FB page is a brilliant idea

I would add to that
"You do realise that I am not being paid to do this, right?" on repeat

Also a rota, deffo. 20 kids = a min 20 parents. Lone parents with other kids excepted, they would probably only have to do one or two sessions per year.

YANBU

I ran a Rainbows unit for several years, started helping when my now 16 year old DD started. A couple of years ago I quit, no one would take over and unfortunately it folded

I was literally begging for help and in the end I got to the point where I thought why am I doing this? My own kids had long left, so why the fuck should I carry on when the parents, whose children we were running the thing for, clearly didn’t give a shit.

YANBU at all.

I think (and you sound such a nice person this will not be in your nature) that you have to ask the parents who are a pain to remove their DC, perhaps after a warning.

I completely appreciate how you must feel about this. I have encountered these sorts of entitled parents at work but there are two big differences - my managers support me and handle it and I get paid!

'Accidentally' send them a link to this thread.

for you OP.

My girls have just got back from camp and their Brown Owl is absolutely wonderful not just because she took them both

I too volunteer, but fortunately haven't had any bad experiences yet. Frankly though I'd tell them to swing.

Also, if you do have to stop then try to see it as a magnificent thing you did for 5 years, not as giving up. I'm sure other troops would snap you up as an occasional helper for camps and so on - the parts you enjoy.

Look to parents on the waiting list and see can you recruit new leaders if you admit their child. Tell the parents some home truths, friends or not.

I'd second sending a strong email to the group - like the one below. Basically the message should be 'put up or shut up'.

• I've happily worked as leader of XXX group for XXX years now and very much enjoy seeing the kids develop and grow
• However I'm emailing following comments from some parents about my leadership of this group
• Specifically XYZ
• This was unexpected since as you know, [stuff you do that contradicts XYZ]
• If there is unhappiness with the way the group is being led, please let me know if someone else would like to take over to volunteer as group leader. As a reminder of the responsibilities, these are listed below. Please note you would need to make a time commitment of at least [x] hours per week

[then maybe] - If the consensus is that you are content for me to stay on, then I will canvas opinion about setting up a parent volunteer rota which would help to ensure that we are able to continue offering a good mix of activities

[list of all your responsibilities]