To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

YADNBU our Beavers leader is amazing and I'm sure you are too, some people are so bloody ungrateful, you do it for free!!!

but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough

Remind them that the Beavr Scout motto is "Fun and Friends" - it is actually not supposed to be all around everything getting a badge.

However, you really need to get your GSL involved.
Or your Exec. I Chair an Exec at the moment, and would have no hesitation in calling a meeting during the Colony meeting time to talk to the parents, or, failing that, I wold speak individually to the parents concerned.
If you don't have a strong exec, or a decent GSL, then speak to your District and say you need some immediate support to deal with the parents situation immediately.

YANBU.

I used to run a Brownie unit, the parents are definitely the worst bit! I had one that wanted us to guarantee a leader would be devoted to her child all the time (umm, no, we have 23 other girls), and one that rarely paid her subs but was the first one to complain her daughter was missing out. She moaned to me once that her child hadn't had an invitation to pack holiday (we were unable to take every child to every one so did 2 a year so everyone got a chance to go), I explained the situation and she still played her face about how it wasn't fair. I told her I gave up 4 days annual leave a year to be able to do this and that we didn't have enough leaders to take all of the girls at once, but if she'd like to volunteer to come with us we could maybe take a few extra. She didn't want to do that but stopped moaning at least. I left because I was pregnant in the end, we were down to me and 2 other leaders that could only make it to some of the meetings because if other commitments so I was doing all the admin and most of the prep and didn't see how I'd be able to do it with a newborn. My DC just said I could bring the baby with me to meetings, which was spectacularly missing the point. I don't know what my point is here, except that I sympathise and completely get where you're coming from about wanting to quit. I went from really enjoying brownies to dreading it over the course of a few years.

LTB - Leave The Beavers!

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

There’s lots of good advice on here, and i’m Sure you are doing a grand job (from a Brownie Brown Owl daughter, so I know what work goes into running a troop)

I am sorry but that mother's comment alone would make me remove the child from the group never mind the 45 minutes late which would be a 2 strikes and your out policy which is the rules at my little ones breaver / cub group.

The mandatory rota can be sorted even if your partner works etc its 1 or twice a year there is a fabulous thing called a babysitter for younger children that you can hire for a couple of hours it takes for your sessions if you don't want to leave your children with babysitters then tough your children don't go to cubs then.

OP

I'm also a Beaver leader and I'm leaving at the end of this year because I've had enough, for much the same reasons. The colony will probably fold because I'm fairly certain at least one other leader is planning the same, and we lost one last year too.

It's the unbelievably entitled, nasty attitudes of some of the parents and the appalling behaviour of their children, coupled with disinterest and unwillingness to help out of the part of the rest of the parents. A parents rota would have solved many of our problems, but we got a grand total of three names down on our initial list, and when we made it more of a "you have to do this" insistence, the parents just didn't turn up.

We've tried everything, but it just doesn't work. This has been going on for quite some time

I get that you want to chuck your kids at someone else for an hour, but we were asking for so little, yet it would have made all the difference. I know for a fact that many of our parents are stay at home parents for example, but nope, nothing.

So that's one evening a week where I get to drag myself out again after a full day's work and long commute, to stand in a chilly hall trying to deal with some awful behaviour before having little Jimmy's mum complain once again about something minor. I'd rather be at home with my own kids on a rainy winter's night.

I've never expected a medal, for years just participating was absolutely reward enough, and I've had some fantastic times and truly wonderful memories. But it's been getting harder and more thankless as time goes on, and I've had enough. The stories I could tell you wouldn't believe.

Can you speak to your Group Scout Leader about it? I think you have to make it clear to the parents that you are a volunteer and if they think they can do better then they are welcome to volunteer too or else move their children to another group. Put up or shut up parents!

Sadly this is probably a problem in all scouts/cubs/beavers colonies. There are always those parents who treat it like cheap childcare for 1-2 hours a night and have absolutely no idea or interest in the work that goes on behind the scenes by the leaders, organising weekly session or the background exec dealing with the running of the whole thing. One of our groups biggest problems is getting and keeping enough committed leaders (cos suprise suprise it does actually take alot of time and effort, all done for free!)

Like others said get the GSL on board. If there's a healthy waiting list then kids of parents who don't pull their weight get booted. How hard is it to commit to 2 hours per term to help out!?

If you want to be really mean and make a point, one idea that was floated during a particularly bad time was to cancel one night's meeting, leaving a poster on the door advising parents who turned up that there was no meeting and more crucially, why there was no meeting, ie, no volunteers available that night.

We never did this, but I know that when I stepped down it was an idea still on the table in reserve.

OMG I think the approach is all wrong

I absolutely stopped even considering volunteering when our rainbow leader sent out the "we are volunteers" letter. If you don't enjoy it, if the downs are outweighing the benefits to you, stop doing it. I can guarentee any potential helper will sense your resentment and run a mile.

What she didn't realise was that volunteering for her was pretty unpleasant. She tried a parent rota a couple of times. It was diabolical. She barely spoke to us parents, couldn't remember your name and rarely gave us a proper role. You just stood there like a sore thumb.

I then volunteered at Brownies. That was good at the start. But 6 months to a year in they were trying to force a commitment and greater involvement than I was able to sustain. Of course I left instead.

In both cases the it was the leaders resentment meant that being a adult helper was really downright unpleasant. Helping out with the activities was really good fun

Try the other way round. Ask for volunteers for specific closed tasks eg cooking on this date, games for ten minutes at the start of the session. Listen to them when she say what they are and aren't happy to give.

And if you are not enjoying it leave.

OP you don't sound dramatic at all - it sounds like you're just not getting reasonable levels of support, and haven't been for some time. Other posters have already given you permission to "throw in the towel" - here's other one!

I just wanted to say... me too!!
I have been a GG leader and now run a team sport junior section. The parents (and sadly some other volunteers) make it horrendous at times. Rudeness... like constant text messages asking for info even though I have sent out texts and Facebook posts with the info on them (I do have a team phone but it is still intrusive). The texts are blunt and rude.
We constantly ask for helpers but everyone is 'too busy'. I just want to scream 'what makes you think I'M not too busy?!'
This and lots more. It's got to the point where I feel anxious and panicky about my volunteering. I need to resign but am worried about the anger of the person who i took over from and will end up taking this back off me if I resign.

YANBU I used to volunteer to run a Sunday school. Because of various issues over the years the four people in our team dropped down to just me. No one else would volunteer. The parents begrudgingly took turns to assist me on a rota basis for safeguarding reasons.

The final straw was when one parent basically sat there and did fuck all to help, let her kid run wild and be totally disruptive and then gave me a ten minute critique of where I'd gone wrong at the end of the session. I quit the next day. Cue much hand wringing and pleas for me to reconsider. Nope. I'm happy to advise but I'm done.

Please don’t send that awful poem! I’m a leader in Guiding and I cringe when I read it. Absolutely make it clear to them that you are a volunteer and that you run beavers because you enjoy it - people pissing you about and complaining (without good reason) means you don’t enjoy it, which means you won’t want to do it anymore. Just do it in sensible, plain words

What is their specific issue op with the badges? Are the beavers getting chief scout bronze when they leave to go up to Cubs?

I'm a beaver leader and I know parents can be an issue. Some of ours get annoyed at how much freedom we give them - they expect it to be a bit like school; sitting down and listening with a few crafts thrown in. That's not us though - so some parents need time to adjust.

There's only 1 things for it.. put the prices up so you get paid!! If they're being cheeky idol tests then why shouldn't you earn some money for all the extra work.

twats

Been there, bought the t-shirt.

Some parents are just unbelievably entitled. I had one who wanted the time of the meeting moved to accommodate her son. She took great offence when she was told that actually that time would be inconvenient for the volunteers who helped out each week. Her son turned up to about one in three meetings and we had a massive waiting list. I asked him to give his place up in the end as another child would benefit instead. She was a teacher!

I was lucky in that I had a lot of parental support eventually.

You always get the parents who will dump their child and then piss off for a coffee, but could possibly stay to help out. These ones are usually the most critical.

If you are in tears you need to speak to someone and get support.

Some parents believe they are consumers.

Some don’t get that they buy into a package and not an individually carved plan.

Sometimes you just have to spell it out

“Beavers isn’t for everyone. Either get on board or withdraw your child. I don’t expect to have to deal with your complaints again”

It’s a bit more direct than a lot of people feel they can be, but you should NOT have to deal with this kind of crap.

Yanbu

I was tawny owl for two years. I loved it but there was only so much I could take asked left for my own sanity. Parents who never paid subs, no helpers, parents who could be up to an hour late on pick up.

Final straw was a lovely little SN girl who's parent shoved her through the door and left rapidly. She ran riot, had no interest in the goup at all. Climbed all over the piano, ran out on to the car park. She needed a one to one to gain any benefit from brownies but parent refused to stay and no bugger else volunteered.
Brown owl didn't really want to ask parent not to bring her for fear of them claiming discrimination.
After six weeks worth of utter chaos I threw in the towel myself. I felt immense guilt but felt I had to put myself first.

Another voice for 'it's OK to quit if you want to'. I ran cubs and scouts for 6 years, it took 5 years for the hassle to start to outweigh the fun/for people to start taking me for granted. I do love the organisation and expect to go back for another 5 year slot at some point, but better to give everyone a chance to miss you sometimes!

OP it’s so tough isn’t it? I’m a BL and we’ve had increasingly less help this year from the parents. Thankfully we’ve got two assistants that are great but it doesn’t help the admin side of things. Have you spoken to your GSL? Are there any scouts that can come and lend a hand as young leaders? Definitely time for a stern email from the GSL explaining to parents they need to help. We all have lives too!!

Dear Entitled Parents,
As you are aware, Beavers is led by volunteers. To ensure the smooth running and continue exciting activities for our children, every family needs to volunteer to help at a minimum of 3 sessions throughout the year.
Kindly sign up to at least 3 empty sessions on the calendar that I will put up before and after Beavers for the next 1/2 term. This system will begin at the start of the Summer term.
Thank you for your continued support,
Top Beaver

Volunteering eh? Simultaneously rewarding and a total headache! I feel your pain.
I’ve no idea if the letter above would work but I felt better just writing it! Good luck OP.

Agree with everyone else, you need to get your GSL and exec involved. Volunteering should be fun for you (most of the time, as a Brownie leader I have nights where I think "oh my goodness"). Do you be a welcome letter what explains the structure of the unit and how it works?

Going forward, if a bollocking from exec hasn't helped then you might have no choice but to warm the parent that if they don't wind their neck in and shut up then their child will have to leave. Make sure your GSL has your back, but I suspect you'd only have to give one child the boot and the rest will either go, making room for your list, or get in line. It's sad for the kids, because they do get a lot out of it. But you mustn't let it break you.