To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

Before throwing in the towel, could you consider drawing up a parent rota? We have one and whilst not everyone is actually very useful (most are amazing though and I've learned who is good for which week), it means they see how much goes in or put up and shut up if they don't turn up. Fwiw the only badges we absolutely always do are the challenge badges, they're welcome to do any others at home, parents who get pushy about badges are told there are other groups that may be more suited to their goals if that's their focus, we're busy learning stuff, making friends and having a great time. Is your GSL supportive?

Okay - as a beaver leader you are as responsible for training the parents how the organization works, as you are to run amazing activities for the group. I know that sounds weird!
I’m an adult trainer with girl guides, and finished my stint as DC last year. The effort you put in to training the parents, managing their expectations, and guiding them as to their role will benefit all the groups these parents move on to.
I absolutely agree that parents are the hardest thing about youth leadership. You are the first point of contact for these parents though They don’t know any better.

At one point we had parents of Guide aged kids who thought the volunteers were paid. This had risen up because one of our towns had a policy of NOT including parents in anything, and of deliberately excluding them. In the scenario where parents are restricted to drop off and pick up, they don’t really grasp how much work the leaders put in.
This is particularly prevalent with beavers/ rainbows. They just don’t get it.
That doesn’t mean you have to stay - do you think moving to an older group would give you a break? (You still get issues with parents, obviously, that just comes with the territory) Ultimately you have to do what’s best for you. Things i’ve done in the past have been to call a parent meeting about a camp/ activity and use it to remind parents of the status of volunteers, and I’ve also set up a parent roster where one parent has to volunteer each week (for ratio). I’ve also recruited a couple of parents to come in and do ‘badge testing’ once a month but this usually only works for cubs/ brownies and up.
It IS hard. But you are our first line of defence Whip them into shape!

Ditch email and open a closed fb group.so their comments have to go on the page.

Do you think they see it as equivalent to swimming or gymnastics lessons - something the teacher is paid to deliver? Obviously they would have to be pretty thick to continue to view it this way after you've made it crystal clear, but there seems to be the same level of expectation as if they're paying for a service.

YANBU, i run Rainbows and used to do Cubs and Scouts, parents can be really horrible. Have you tried reminding them you are a volunteer? its amazing how many forget they are paying for material, venue etc not our time.

Founders day is coming up, really drum it into them where scouting comes from and how all leaders are volunteers with actual jobs, family commitments etc, maybe even offer the worst parents the opportunity to volunteer for a night.

I've been a Beaver leader 5 yrs and am standing down end of this term. I'm bloody exhausted, it's all just behaviour management now, I don't enjoy it anymore more.
But if I still did, and it sounds like you do, I'd seriously send a shot across the bows. No diplomacy, tell it straight.
"Some parents believe they know better than me how to run this group. Feel free to step up and volunteer. Otherwise shut the fuck up and leave me to it or I'm quitting and I doubt anyone else will volunteer to deal with your shit."
Or words to that effect. Don't let them grind you down. Believe me, a ranty email to parents telling them exactly how dickish they're being is so satisfying!

It shouldn’t make you cry!!! What does you GSL say? Can you ask them to run interference at the start and end of meetings for you- keep these parents away from you? There is a great sign i’ve Seen that days before you complain volunteer yourself or something along those lines. Don’t forget they are only with you for 2 years can you palm them off to cubs early. Set up and auto response on the email along the lines of. Due to beavers being a voluntary role and the time pressures of you job and own family you cannot answer emails about programme content etc, the email should only be used for emergency contacts or offers of support. Any complaints should be directed to your GSL. Make your GSL deal with this it’s their job, if you don’t have a GSL then adc beavers or group support.

Please don't quit! I'm a new beaver mum, I don't really know the ropes yet. We had a letter saying they will be implementing a parent volunteer rota. The scouts that currently help will be going in to GCSE revision soon and they need parents to step up. I'll admit, I'm waiting to be told what to do and when. And when I'm told, I'll do it, enjoy it and then do it again when it's my turn. My DS loves beavers and is so proud of his uniform and the work he's already done for badges. Please don't give up, be direct with parents and tell them what you need and when. After all, they stick to a set day/time when they drop their kids off. I think you'll find most will step up when told to. You may lose a few kids over it, but there is a waiting list with parents ready to sign up and make a commitment to your group. Best of luck

Be honest either via a meeting or a letter & even say you can’t do it for so many weeks so who can help out & run it?

People need to see how selfish they’re being.

I started a group & the entitlement of some parents knew no bounds, they are so selfish & rude & ruin it.

They are called colonies?! That's adorable :)

On topic: as others say. Stern words needed - and maybe a hint that unless there's more support, you'll have to consider withdrawing.

Not beavers or scouts but another sport I volunteer with.

We have made it mandatory for all parents to sign up to 2 days help as a condition of child’s membership.

Otherwise parents just took the proverbial.

You need to get your GSL involved. If they have problems, direct them immediately to them, it is not your job to sort out complaints. You've enough to do!

I'm so sad to hear this. I am always so grateful for all the volunteers do. I don't think I ever met such kind hearted people anywhere.

A parent rota is a good idea but what if you don't have childcare for younger children - would yours just not be able to go at all in that case?

I think contacting the higher ups would be good as they will have experience of this happening. Honestly, some people really don't know how they come across and need it spelling out very plainly.

These parents also irritate other parents intensely.

I really hope our group doesn't decide to draw up a compulsory parent Rota. I have one beaver one cub and 2 younger dc at home. Dp works at beavers/cubs time and they're far too rowdy for me to take the littler ones. My bigger two already miss out onloads because of the smaller ones, to lose beavers and cubs would be horrible for them.
I'm never mean to the leaders though they're fab.

If you want to quit nobody here would blame you.

If you want to continue without the hassle consider having a separate email for this work. Only open at a set time and delete an you feel are unreasonable. Or use a standard reply saying you cannot respond to matters relating to the day to day running of the group which you do to the best of your ability, with little or no help and in an unpaid capacity.

Have you ever held a parents’ social evening where people can attend, find. Out more about the aims of the group and limitations? Then ask for constructive ideas and support if there are any areas that might be improved.

Telling them to fuck off is a reasonable alternative.

Do you have a supportive GSL? You've been doing a sterling job and it would be a shame to let some obnoxious parents spoil it for you.
Parents don't need to have your email address. My children have been involved in Scouts and Guides and I've never had a leader's email address, or felt the need to email them
Your GSL, DC etc. should be providing you with more support than they currently are. They won't know though unless you've told them.

As a former Rainbow leader I think yanbu at all and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this hassle.
IF you want to give it a go and continue, this is what I’d do-

Stop reading any emails and open either a Facebook group or a WhatsApp group so all parents see all communication.
Put it in writing your voluntary status and state that you have been receiving emails that have upset you and make you feel unappreciated and hassled.
Contact your district commissioner or similar- get him/her to advise you. And support you.
Start a parent rota and insist all parents take a turn or arrange someone to on their behalf. Let them see the work first hand.
Ask for suggestions and people to carry out the suggestions as well- if they’re not part of the solution they’re part of the problem.
Do make your parents see what work you do FOR FREE.
And if all else fails warn those parents making your life shit that you will have no choice but to remove their child from your pack if they continue in this way.
Fuckers.

I am a beaver leader. We don't have a parent rota as only trained vetted leaders are allowed in the den. I have no idea what my Group Leader says to parents who complain but I know that no one ever does it twice!
My daughters are in guides and they do have a parent rota and everyone has to do two activities a year.

If you love it I’d be inclined to ask the children of the difficult parents to leave. Harsh as that may sound you shouldn’t have to put up with them being so awful to you.

Invent a badge for being a colossal asshole and award it to the parents !!!
Some people are so ungrateful ... it's meant to be fun being a child isn't it .. not some hideous competition !!

I'd google the "we are your leaders" poem and send it round them. I keep stressing to my parents about how we are volunteers and we don't get paid. (I run Brownies). But there are some very entitled parents out there who are very vocal but never offer to help e er.

My daughter goes to rainbows. There is a closed fb group and a compulsory rota, roughly one session per term. Surely most people can do this if it’s important for their child to attend? If you can’t do the date you’re given it’s up to you to arrange a swap. If you never do any.....well let’s just say one child has been taken out because her parents were taking the piss. Our daughter loves it and if we’re covering our youngest child goes with us.

I stopped volunteering for a role that was only two weekends a year at a group because of complaints! People just didn’t seem to realise that I wasn’t paid, didn’t claim expenses (London to Milton Keynes x 2 return trips) and gave up my precious free time. I still volunteer at two other groups because they didn't complain.

No good turn goes unpunished OP. Resign and join a group not as a leader where you can have all of the fun and none of the hassle.

Agree with KateGrey. That is the answer. It could be phrased as we are rotating memberships to give those on the waiting list a chance to experience Beavers.

you do it for the kids, ignore the parents, if you have 20 your doing it right.