To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

Agree with a lot of above and you could use phrases in your email that it has become clear that following parent critique that the group is no longer 'fit for purpose' as it is not meeting the wants of parents therefore you are stepping down to allow these parents to take over the running of it....

In a side note there have been a couple of comments about not being able to use teenagers/explorers due to ratio and something about no unchecked adults in the den. While young leaders don’t count in The ratios they are a great resource- they have fantastic training for young leaders, they generally have more energy and enthusiasm than the adults and the beavers love them. They can supervise the kids who are disruptive if they aren’t 1on1 and I know you must have some of those. Adults who are only helping once in a while and aren’t left alone with children can help out but you can dbs parents and we insist on a parent rota for ours. Good luck op and don’t let the buggers get you down.

Your life is too short and too valuable to be wasted with these ungrateful people, friends or not!

Quit the beavers and go and work as a volunteer in the local hospital or similar, where you will be appreciated and needed. You can cut back your hours and spend more time with your own family.

Who needs the stress!

No amount of rotas, policies will stop the complaining and whingeing I am sorry to say. Quit with dignity.

I used to volunteer with the cadets but left because I was no longer enjoying it and it was getting stressy.

I now volunteer with a different organisation - but the minute I stop enjoying it, I'll leave.

We have to do enough crap we don't enjoy at work, buggered if I'm not going to enjoy my time too.....

I think there’s a bit of a catch 22 as well in that the better you are at running the group, and the more help you have, the easier it becomes for parents to forget that you are a volunteer and that you aren’t getting paid/that you are just like them.

I’m fortunate in that the groups I’m involved with currently have quite a lot of non-parent volunteers and are easily over ratio on any given week. Obviously it’s great, but it does also mean that we rarely have to ask parents for help with anything, and does mean that they can occasionally forget. Luckily, we have a great set of parents at the moment!

So either you stop and all the children have no group or you tell these parents their children can’t come and the rest have a group? Seems a no brainer- id announce very clearly that you are fed up, you are a volunteer and parents are making your life miserable. That you have said this before and nothing changed. There is a waiting list from the group and regrettably you are putting children of problem parents on a months notice, and all parents are being put on a rota of one hour a month as a condition of joining. If you miss your hour without what you personally consider a valid excuse their child will be put on notice. Please note you mostly know each other and can of course swap as long as I know who to expect. I’d put up a notice board, print out whingey Whiney emails (removing names) or quotes from them and put them up on the noticeboard, with post it’s saying parent volunteer contribution: 1 hour, approx 2 years ago. And see the group shape up, or get a whole new bunch of parents happy to join and accept my rules. Clear rules benefit everybody

I gave up volunteering for precisely this reason. It also really dented my confidence to be honest. People are so rude and selfish.

How about the next time one complains, say nicely "thank you for your feedback. I would be happy for you to do what you suggest, otherwise, if you are not happy with the way I run the group, it would be best if xxxxx went elsewhere so another child can take his place. Not nice for the children I know but having been a cub leader for many years, the parents finally made me give up.

The children will without doubt appreciate what you do. I run two 'clubs' mid-week as a volunteer on top of my FT day job and have my own DC.

It is rarely the kids that are the problem, and getting parents to volunteer is almost impossible. At the beginning of each term now we draw up a rota of parent helpers, and no parent helper means no club.

My dh has just packed in cubs for the same reason. One parent in particular just moaned. What finally did it was they moaned publicly all over Facebook that he didn't attend a Beaver's event that started at 5 45 on a Monday night. Apparently he should leave work early (he commutes to London) and or use his leave. He would have had to leave work by the latest by 3 pm to make it. The parents were all passive aggressive on Facebook and to top it all their child is definitely not an angel.
We don't even have kids in cubs anymore so in reality he was losing time with his own kids to give to others.
The moaney parents don't realise how much work is involved.

My DSs have been all the way through the scout movement and I'm enormously grateful to people like yourself who give up their time to run the groups. Some people will like some activities better than others that's just the way it goes.

You would be completely justified in kicking it into touch but if you do want to continue then there are a couple of things I would try.

Have a rota where each parent has to come and help a couple of weeks a year.

Ditch the email address and have all communication via a closed group Facebook page. Block personal messaging for the cheeky fuckers. Then if they have something to say it will have to be in front of all the other parents and leaders.

shouldwest yes the ones who cause me problems, they are all friends.

Tell them a few home truths and tell them to get involved or shut the f* up.

If they continue then they aren't real friends.

On our parent rota siblings come too - you just have to let them know so they can add another parent volunteer. There is some flexibility so say if you had two preschoolers then you might be put on a session in the hall rather than a hike in the woods. It is the principle that every family takes a turn that is key. Amazingly most people find childcare or swap with other friends- I will take them to beavers and do my volunteer duty if you can look after Jane then when it is your turn I will look after Suzy for you. Still, how the parents organise their childcare isn't OP's problem.

I’d send a little note home the previous week saying you need all parents to stay for 10 mins after next session.
Then explain exactly what you do and for how long....voluntarily. Then Invite parents who don’t like the way you run things to volunteer themselves. They won’t because they are lazy arses who feel entitled.

If that little stay behind doesn’t make them realise just how much you do, then I’d consider leaving.

Had it when I was on the pta. It was the complaining about volunteers that got me. People seem to expect full on commercially slick events run by say 8 hardpressed volunteers. We ran a very popular BBQ dh and my friend, both very senior having done full day at work, getting shit for not serving burgers fast enough! Dh is far from a violent man but he got close that night. He also had to remind parents to say thank you when he handed them their food . He is definitely not cut out for volunteering!

Did you know DC's have an SOS squad? They are usually retired leaders who can come in and run a group if necessary. Sometimes you need a break and come back with a fresh eye on it

Agree with others about making things more public, in a closed FB group. When DS did Beavers I was a single parent working full time. His evening at Beavers was a godsend for me, but I volunteered my time as I understood this was part of the deal - but when I was doing my third stint in the same term, looking at how many parents must have been available but hadn’t volunteered at all all term (only 1 needed per session, at least 12 parents available, most from 2 parent families), I felt like I was taking up the slack for other parents who weren’t doing their bit. If we’d had a shared FB group I’d have had no problem pointing out that it was someone else’s turn. And when I was asked again to volunteer I did say “oh I must let someone else have their go at helping, it can’t always be me” .

Be strong OP and confront the troublemakers, or step away. Your time is yours and it’s so easy to feel guilty until you realise that no other bugger is putting themselves out.

YANBU OP.
I run a Brownie pack. Over the years I have been on the verge of quitting several times because of parents. It does go in cycles though, so if it's a specific bunch at the moment, know that it will pass as their children move on. I second the FB group idea. It is a real boost when I post info about what we've been up to and all the nice parents then put thank you messages and how much their child enjoyed it: certainly offsets the moaners.

I equally dislike the 'I'd love to help but' brigade. Why? I was dying to help out my DD's Rainbow group every week but I couldn't commit as her elder brother had football at the same time and if dh was away, I couldn't do both. I was genuinely disappointed. Your attitude is really snotty.

MissEliza - but you did help, parent helpers aren't expected to help every week. Expecting parents to help occasionally with guiding/scouting is normal and we make that clear to our parents when they join.

I run a Rainbows group and so far I have had no problems at all with the parents, they've all been lovely, helpful and appreciative and paid subs on time.

MissEliza Unless you have explained that,nobody knows. I ran a Youth Club for KS3 for several years, and the amount of parents who just wouldn't help, was astounding. They were happy for everyone else to put in the work, often dropping their kids off early, and picking them up at gone 2300 when we finished at 2200 as they'd been out for dinner.

The 'I'd love to help guy's, needs an explanation of the 'but'.

Agree with using Explorers or DoE students. My ds did two years of helping out for the service element of his Bronze. I made him go during exams as well; it was on a Friday night, and gave him some down time.

That's why I objected to BookWitch's comment I don't need to know the excuse Scary. Some parents, like me, would love to help but family circumstances don't allow. Her attitude is very abrupt and dismissive. Frankly I would love to have got properly involved with helping at Rainbows but I am blessed/cursed with children who play a lot of sports.

If you have a waiting list, make participation contingent on parents committing to volunteer x times a year, or at least prioritise those applications.

It's definitely not nice if parents are rude, but I wonder if the op can give some examples of this? She has said they have complained about not doing enough badges! My child's brownie group hardly ever did any badges, and I did often wonder about it but never complained, although I wonder now if other parents did ask about it and it was construed as complaining?

It sounds like all the parents in your group, even those who do occasionally help out, need to hear exactly how you're feeling.

In your situation, before jacking it all in, I'd hand out something like this (I've mainly used your words from your OP):

Dear Parents,

I have now been running XXX Beaver group for over 5 years. I work very hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and that all children can achieve in.

I spend around 5 hours a week on the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it.

I am an unpaid volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.

Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and it is increasingly difficult to run the group without enough support. My own children have been and gone from Beavers, so I only do this now because I enjoy it.

However, recently I have been getting a stream of complaints about the nature and style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities are built around badges), complaints if I organise trips, complaints that there is not enough adult attention for each child, and the list goes on.

The lack of support and complaints are wearing me down and sapping all the joy from this role, to the extent that I am considering closing the group.

If anybody has ideas for improving the sessions, then please volunteer your time and support me in the running of this group. Any complaints need to be backed up by an offer of help. There are currently XX children on the waiting list so if you or your child are not enjoying Beavers, please allow another child a chance to attend instead.

(You could maybe add another paragraph thanking those that do volunteer, if you feel it's needed)