Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

I personally don't like it but if that is how they want to describe themselves then that is up to them. It sounds twee to me. I don't think they mean offense to those who work. If I didn't work I would use the word housewife but I know that bothers people enormously.

Don't let what other people describe themselves affect you. Call yourself what you want and let them do the same.

Steeley

It is you that needs to 'own 'it, whatever it is.

I didn't go out the house to work while my kids were growing up. I didn't need, or want, to.

I didn't need/want money, I was claiming NO benefits.

I simply chose to stay at home with my children.

I certainly was not 'unemployed'.

You’re the ones upset by it, not me. I just think giving yourself a twee little title to justify your circumstances is silly. You’re more then a job title and more then a ‘full time mum’

Do people really fucking give a flying fucking fuck. Fuck sake.

Basically, people can call themselves whatever they choose to. You don't like someone calling themselves a full time mum and you think she should call herself a SAHM. But what if, as some have said on here, that they don't like that term? That they don't feel it accurately reflects their lives. Why should they use a term - about themselves - which they don't like? Since when do I get to dictate that someone doesn't call themselves something because I feel it implies something about me which I don't like? Do I get to say, for example, that someone can't say they believe in gentle parenting because that implies I believe in aggressive parenting? They can't say they went for a natural childbirth because that implies I had an unnatural birth? That they can't say they are a working mother because that implies that looking after children isn't work? Which denigrates nursery staff and nannies? It goes on.....

Thoughts

My thoughts are “Are you deliberately trying to start a bunfight?”

I see you appear to be new but this has been fought over ad infinitum on MN.

You’re not employed though. Therefore you are unemployed. Honestly, just own it.

...or just read a basic economics textbook. Or even a newspaper; the headline unemployment rate is pretty widely quoted. If you are not employed, you may indeed be unemployed. If you are actively seeking and available for work. If, however, you are not actively seeking or available for work, as many people are not, then you are economically inactive.

On your "definition", you not only include parents, you include the retired. And children. As well as the unemployed. And the headline rate would be a hell of a lot higher than it is!

Because I think we all agree we don’t like the term ‘house wife’ but haven’t yet agreed on a modern term yet?

I referred to my myself as a 'Domestic Goddess' :)

I remember taking out life insurance, or summat similar, and when being asked what my job title was, putting Domestic Engineer. It was accepted.

:)

I like the term 'Housewife' :)

Has a lovely ring to it.

Who cares what our titles say... At the end of the day we are all on Mumsnet at 11am on a Monday!

You’re not employed though. Therefore you are unemployed. Honestly, just own it

No. Unemployed and not employed are not the same thing. How about you own that you know nothing about it?

I'm not unemployed, I'm economically inactive,.

But you are not actively parenting your small child for those hours, you've outsourced that job to someone else

What nonsense, you don't outsource parenting. One remains a parent whilst working. So pathetic and patronising to not understand this.

OP to me FT mum means nothing, all parents are fulltime parents The phrase is pointless.

I agree Natalia that something will always cause offence to someone. And just because it grates on me, I do understand that I'm responsible for my own feelings and I have no right to expect another woman to change the terminology she applies to herself. It makes me flinch inwardly but I know it's an irrational reaction.

That said, I still don't agree that you can outsource parenting, but you can outsource care of children for set times during the week and pay for that to happen because it's someone else's job.

I've not been on Mumsnet for long so I'm still getting used to it. I'm not sure I'll be posting another thread again. I think it's pretty rude to be name called, I wasn't insulting the woman who said it.

I haven't woken up crying into my coffee about this, I started the thread just to get peoples opinions and see if it changed my opinion on the matter. I've actually been a SAHM, student and at full-time work whilst bringing up my children. It is possible that it hits a nerve with me, my children are my priority and come before anything else. I just think I still class myself as a full-time mum even whilst at work. My eldest contacts me so much throughout the day with any problems she has.

Fine, you’re not employed? Do you feel better about it?

this @ 0.25 seconds

On Insurance forms being the SAHP is categorised as a "houseperson" which kind of makes me think of Dobby form harry Potter or someone who sits in a house 24/7 never leaving.

When I was a young parent (late 80's) I never heard the term SAHM/SAHP. Full time mum was more prevalent or the horrid "house husband" for SAHD's. Language changes over time but I suppose in some regions the term still persists. I think you are overthinking things.

"I'm a full time Mum"
"Harrumph, I'm a full time Mum too, I'm just at work, yada, yada"

"I'm a working Mum"
"Harumph, I'm a working Mum too, it's just not paid work, yada, yada"

"I'm a full time Dad"
"Cool"

"I'm a working Dad"
"Cool"

So much disingenuous bullshit on these threads.

My favourite is ‘I’m not a SAHM because we’re out and about having adventures’. 🙄🙄🙄. Nobody is fucking thick enough to think the ‘at home’ bit is literal. It just means the opposite of ‘at a workplace’.

I have found the term ‘Homemaker’ seems to be on various forms now as an option.

I have also had people (who don’t know me) say things such as “do you work in the home or have an outside job” when trying to work out if you are a SAHM or working parent and they don’t want to cause offence.

I have absolutely no idea why someone would call themselves a full-time mum. Every mum is a full-time mum. Never heard of a part-time dad because he has a job . With so many other things she could have said I find it weird, ‘I work in the home’ covers it perfectly.

It means she doesn't work, but she thinks she's above those who don't work and don't have kids

Nope it means economically inactive which is not the same as unemployed

we're out and about having adventures every day.

But are you enjoying precious moments and making memories?

@Elementtree

Exactly

"I'm a working Dad"

Has anybody actually used this expression in real life? Dads are just dads - mothers are the ones who need to justfy their every decision.