Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

Exactly Trinity. Are their partners ever referred to as 'part time Dads?'. No

Because no mothers are called part time mothers. There are full time dads though.

Are people really so confused by the terminology? Are being and doing so difficult to untangle for you?

You’re not a full time doctor if you are there three days a week... you’d be part time.

You’re not a full time doctor if you are there three days a week... you’d be part time.

So when there's an emergency on an airplane and the Pilot asks "Is there a Doctor on board?" There would never be one there as they're not working in their surgery at the time

It's the difference between the questions are you a mum and are you being a mum. A mother never stops being a mother but she isn't always mothering

It is definitely less socially acceptable for men to stop working, or even to turn down meetings due to childcare commitments. Dh works in engineering and when ds was about 4 I had a meeting to attend in London (2 hour commute) and his boss tried to organise a meeting for the same day a 3 hour drive from our home, despite dh having already said it wasn't an option for him because i was away from home. His boss said "so your wife's job is more important than yours?" To which dh replied "No, my child's needs are more important than a meeting". Ok, engineering is very much the epitome of a masculine profession to begin with, and this was a particularly outrageous example, but so far only token efforts have been made, politically, to address this kind of thinking which is still prevalent.

gimme - I'm responding to the 'you are a part time Mum' posts. So no, not difficult to untangle. Being said - just above your posts.

Mummy - but I'm there full time. 37.5 + hours a week. But that isn't the argument. The argument is the people saying if you're not with your children 24/7 you are part-time or 'on- call' but not a full time Mother.

And I AM still a Dr if I'm not there 24/7. That is my profession, my role.

That's the whole point of this thread isn't it? That some people are differentiating between a 'full time Mother' and not.

People would think it weird if they asked me what I do for a living and I said 'part time Dr because I work 37.5 + hours a week and i'm not doing it 24/7' wouldn't they?

"so your wife's job is more important than yours?"

What a sexist dickhead

So when there's an emergency on an airplane and the Pilot asks "Is there a Doctor on board?" There would never be one there as they're not working in their surgery at the time

Verbs and nouns people, verbs and nouns.

Well quite Trinity

Trinity, of course. But as a full time working mum, you’d no doubt leave work in an emergency for your child.

I’m honestly not trying to be goady. There’s a difference between a role and your occupation.

A mum who is working 70 hours a week is a mum.
A mum who is working 15 hours a week is a mum.

They don’t cease to be a mum when they are at work.

But I spend all day, everyday doing things with my children that your child’s childminder/nanny/granny/key worker does.
It my full time occupation.

I agree that's it's the difference between full-time mum and full-time mothering. You are always a mum, not always mothering. You are always a teacher but not always teaching. That type of thing. So "Full-Time Mum's" just mean their sole responsibility is mothering and that's their job, as opposed to a working-mum who, while always a mum, takes on another responsibility/role for her workplace.

gimme - you'll have to clarify what you're trying to say as I'm sure most of us are aware of the differences between verbs and nouns.

What you seem? to be suggesting is that women at home all the time are 'being' a Mother more than those that work. That they are doing more 'Mothering. Which is what a lot of people are objecting to.

I think those people are doing more child care but I don't think they're doing more 'Mothering'.

I think those people are doing more child care but I don't think they're doing more 'Mothering

When a mother is caring for her own children, what can possibly be other than mothering?

I really can’t find it within myself to get riled up by what people call themselves.

If I said I was a full time mum I would mean that that as in I don’t have a job. I’m just a mum. My full time role is looking after my children.

I would not be trying to say that anyone else was a part time mum. I wouldn’t mean that they stopped being a mum or stopped thinking about their children the instant they got to work. Does anyone actually mean that when they call themselves a full time mum?

I don’t call myself a full time mum btw, but if I did that would be what I meant.

gimme - Because being a Mother is more about the tasks of child care? And it is never a 'part time' arrangement?

If you refer to men that work as 'part time parents' then I'll concede.

I really can’t find it within myself to get riled up by what people call themselves

Oh no, that's not playing the game, is it? Where's the outrage?

Does anyone who works full time really get upset over another woman referring to herself as a full time mum???
In answer, No I wouldn't get upset. However I would probably think, 'wow, what a bitch'.

Its the terminology used and if people who refer to themselves as this are not seeing that then there isn't much that can be done.

If I described myself as, for example, ' hardest working mum ever' and other mums found this quite insulting and made me look like a bitch, i'd stop doing it.

Men who are at home are full time dads. Men at work, are working dads.

No one is referring to anyone as part time because of the confusion with role and occupation it would be easily misunderstood.

Sweetmoon - I wouldn't think wow what a bitch - not in the least.

Mummyontherun - you obviously missed these posts:

Anyone who goes to work isn't a full time mum.....they simply are on call whilst at work should their children need them.

Stay at home is misleading. I don’t stay at home! I do look after my children full time.

I think you are reading more into this than needed. You are still a full mum, but you aren’t a full time mum if you’re at work. Someone else is looking after your children.

Yes you do become a part-time mum in the sense of the verb (i.e. doing the direct interaction) once the DC are at school because you are no linger with them all day. This is obvious.,

But I spend all day, everyday doing things with my children that your child’s childminder/nanny/granny/key worker does.
It my full time occupation.

So when your children are at school you will no longer be a full time mum? My kids are at school while I'm at work

The opposite of a full time mum is perceived to be a working mum by most people not a part time mum.

I wouldn't say a mum with school aged children is a full time mum either.

The arguement that 'you're still a full time mum even if you're at work' makes no sense.
Working mums are still 'a mum' but are not actively doing that role whilst at work, therefore not 'full time'.
Just like a working dad is always 'a dad' but is not a 'full time' dad as he is not spending all of his time parenting.

Bubble - so for these women staying at home but with children in school, they're not 'full time Mums' are they?

Their children are in school 30 odd hours a week so they're not a 'full time' Mum?

Bubble - so for these women staying at home but with children in school, they're not 'full time Mums' are they?

I wouldn't have thought so but maybe they are just really really slow at laundry and housework and every bit of that time is filled with mumwork (aka shit work)