Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

Done to death OP, but fwiw I agree with you.

Not in gainful employment suggested suggests unemployed. I'm not unemployed, I'm caring for my son during the day and pretending to do housework

Fine, you’re not employed? Do you feel better about it?

That'd still be a weird way to describe someone who doesn't want or need a job. Supposing I don't work, because I've accumulated enough over a few decades of working to be able to live comfortably on the income from my investments. Would you still describe me to someone as "not employed"?

"Independent means" and "unemployed" convey very different things about someone's economic situation.

Also isn't the question normally what are you / what do you do, so you answer in the positive of what you do do
I am a doctor
I am unemployed
I am a SAHP
I am a student

As opposed to
I am not employed
I am not a doctor
I an not THE doctor
I am not a tomato

Being a mother is a lifelong state. Even if your DC are removed from you and in foster care and you hardly see them, you are still their mother.

The "state" of being a mother and how much active, minute-to-minute parenting you do are two different things.

Somebody who is home all day does more direct parenting than somebody who does not come home until 6pm. This is obvious. Somebody who has children at boarding school does less active parenting than someone who is with their DC during the evenings and weekends.

I'm wouldn't say I'm doing "full time" parenting anymore as my DC are all at school. When they were home, I would have said I was a full-time mum because I literally didn't do anything else.

Im a full time mum who also works full time.
As predicted some idiotic responses to this thread. Yanbu op. Language does matter when its used as a weapon against women who may already be struggling and feeling down

I've felt judged as a SAHM and a wohm, but I have to say ime the judging towards working mums far outweighs the SAHM. and usually comes from SAHM themselves with their "full time mum" and "much rather watch my children grow up and be poor than miss these #specialmemories" which I see on FB every other day. Working mums woukd never post the opposite of this, not that I've seen anyway.

I think it's clear why "full time mum" irks some of us, like it's clear why calling a SAHM "unemployed" irks them.

Anyway, I know it's absolutely ridiculous and one of those phrases people just use because it sounds better than any others they could think of so I dont know why it irritates me I get far more annoyed at "should of", overuse of literally, and use of their instead of there...

Im a full time mum who also works full time

No you're not.

Oh, I like that.
‘What do you do?
‘’I’m a tomato’

Problem solved.
The points scoring and judgemental attitudes of women to women is one of the more depressing points about being human. And female.

I don’t class my husband as a part time dad for going out to work. He’s a ‘full time’ parent as I am now on ML, as I still will be when I return to work in a months time.
I hate this description, it’s condescending. It’s like when I was at work and I heard someone make a comment about they can’t see why people have children to ‘palm’ them off on someone else to look after. It’s bollocks. I want to be able to go back to work to buy my child nice things, go on nice holidays. We want to move to a bigger house in a couple of years, we wouldn’t be able to if I stayed at home. I won’t be made to feel guilty by anyone, least of all someone who describes their occupation as a ‘full time mum’ - it’s pathetic.

OP, I have a full time job and get irked at the phrase 'full time mother'. I am a full time mother regardless of whether I have 'outsourced' the childcare and spend the day working outside the home. I do not feel guilty, as suggested, but I am saddened that circumstances do not allow me the luxury of being an 'at home' parent. I am not a part-time parent because I work full-time.

Damnthat - would you still class yourself as a "full-time mum" if your DC were at boarding school and you only saw them every six weeks?

Or would you be a full-time mum if your DC were in the care system? What about if they lived with their dad 80% of the time - would you still claim to be a "full-time mum?"

Damn im also a full time mum with a full time job. ALL mums are full time mums. Congratulations to us all for raising our children :)

@MistressPage

So would you then describe a stay at home mother as a Part-Time Mum

It’s language used to be divisive and unpleasant to other women.
Like ‘ Oh, a kept woman’ as was once said to a friend of mine. I do get tired of the ‘ Missing pwecious moments’ brigade, along with the ‘ Making yourself a domestic slave to your family’ mob.
Why not just respect each other’s choices.

I don't really care either way what people call themselves, and I don't get offended or upset about it.

But, the people I have met in real life who say "I'm a full time mum" have all said it in a "look at me, aren't I superior" kind of way.

This does not mean I think everyone who calls them selves a FTM is like this though, MN has certainly made me realise that, it's just that the people I've met IRL have come across like this.

Out of genuine interest, what do people who call themselves FTMs call themselves once the children are in full time education? Surely you can no longer be a FTM because your children are now cared for by teachers in the same way as children of working parents are???

Fuuuuckkkkks saaaaaakkkke

‘Full-time mum’ is used by women to explain what they do during the working week. Not to describe what women who work outside the home don’t do or are not.

We (society in general) know that you’re still Little Timmy’s mum while you’re in the office. No, really. WE KNOW.

Women are their own worst enemies, wasting time sniping at each other over this bullshit.

Eugh - my DC are all at school now so I just say I'm "at home" or "not working." Not that anyone has ever actually asked.

I think it because stay at home mums feel a little inadequate because they don’t work so they say ‘full time mum’ almost to justify thier existence - Which is really sad as being a stay at home mum is wonderful and hard work and no one should feel bad about this nor should a mum who works as well as bringing up children x

Can you still be full time mum if you work from home? Or is it being with kids 24/7 that matters? What if you leave your kid with grandparents for an hour, will you lose the right to claim you're full time?

What does nark me though is when SAHP/FTPs say things like "yes but I...." and then rhyme off all the things they do (cook, clean, homework, after school activities etc etc) - yes dear that's nice, I do all of those things too you know?!

Does it really matter? What do you want her to say?

At the end of the day, of course any mum is a "Full Time Mum" - you might go to work but obviously that doesn't make you any less of a mum - you're a mum or you 're not. Don't over think it :-)

She says she's a Full Time Mum... Let's be honest, she really is being a mum full time as she isn't going to work every day and using childcare? It's just stating a fact, not to try and offend working mums.

Tbh, in real life do people care? If anyone ever asked I just said I didn't work, or was at home with the kids. Now they are older and home educated it is almost easier, I just say that.

I think DH would be pretty insulted if someone said he wasn't a father when he was at work. But I guess technically he isn't performing parenting duties while he is there, apart from providing for us obviously which is a parenting duty for sure.

Oh ffs. Imagine being offended by that. Everyone knows what it means. Get a grip

eurgh2018
Maybe the stay at home mums you talk to feel like they have to justify themselves to you because you're judging them for the decision they've made? If you referred to me as 'dear' i'd find it rather patronising.