Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

This has been done to death on here op

Was it The Voice op? There have been a couple of them I think and the fact that I remember it probably means it rankles me on some level, if I'm being totally honest. Perhaps I am projecting though, as I'm a ft working mum and do think 'I too am always a mum - I do other work too, but I'm always a mum, even when I'm at work'. I know that rationally it shouldn't bother me. But it does.

You are overthinking it, but there isn't really a term to describe it that I like to use. I have up my job to have and raise children, and hope to go back to work when the children start school.
I am not a 'SAH'M, we are out all day every day at various playgroups, walking, running errands etc.
I just say I'm a Mother.

I'd of said SAHM.

But if what if she leaves the house at some point?

I just used to say "Oh... I don't work dahhhhhhling, I'm a kept woman" with a glint in my eye

It used to shut people up

"There will always be another box for homemaker or some such awful term."

It's generally acceptable to put 'Caring responsibilities'. When I was applying for membership of my regulatory body, every gap had to be accounted for and that's what was needed. It incorporates Caring for anyone.

His we view the unpaid work done across Society (which wouldn't be the same without it) by Women is a Feminist issue.

Here we go again. This debate never ends well. As long as every parent does what is in the best interest of their own family, other parent's choices shouldn't cause such upset to them. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer so call yourself whatever you want.

I describe myself as a full time mum, mainly because SAHM doesn't fit the bill for me, it implies I'm at home when the opposite is true and we're out and about having adventures every day.

Do you talk like this in real life? I think every sahm goes out of the house!

As long as every parent does what is in the best interest of their own family, other parent's choices shouldn't cause such upset to them. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer so call yourself whatever you want.

Very well said.

These threads always bring out an awful lot of insecure, bitter people too.

I don't stop being a doctor just because I am not having appointments with patients at the moment. If I tell someone I am a full time doctor, they won't understand from this description that I am spending all my time with my newborn twins.

(Note- I am not a doctor, nor do I have newborn twins. I am just making an argument.)

I agree don't read anything into it, even absent mothers or even those who have to give dc up for adoption will be the child's mother nothing can ever change that.

I just think it means the mum will be there all day every day for every minute, week month year. Which is different when the mum has had to go back to work and someone else will be there looking after the dc all day.

Ha @boyondthepage I am totally stealing that!

I am a WOHM and have no issue with SAHM calling themselves "full time mums". We all know what they mean.

Full time mum does sound a bit condescending to anyone else who has to go to work. A bit like saying But you are not actively parenting your small child for those hours, you've outsourced that job to someone else. hey mistresspage. For the record I have not 'outsourced' the 'parenting' of my children.

Couldn't get too worked up about it though. Anyone who calls themself that instead of a SAHM sounds like they are trying to justify something which is ridiculous. I would be proud to be a SAHM. I am just as proud to be singlehandedly supporting my 5 children by going out to work and who are growing up as lovely human beings.

I still consider myself a full time mum.

OP: what would you like to label a full-time hands on carer of their own child/ren if you don't like 'full time mum?'

There aren't any particularly good options as far as I can see.

What about the term 'working mum?' Don't parents who take care of their children all day have work to do; is it just a hobby?

Pointless debate. Ridiculous to take offence when no one is judging you!

For the record I have not 'outsourced' the 'parenting' of my children.

Actually I think this is what happens. When I pay for childcare, I'm expecting more than just the basics of care: I want them to be nurtured.

But SAHM makes it sound like you never leave the house! That's why I hate that description. I do work part time but I'm not a part time parent so I still prefer Full Time Mum.

When I pay for childcare, I'm expecting more than just the basics of care: I want them to be nurtured

Is it then purely the paid aspect? So I mean, would you consider education to be outsourced parenting, since the teacher is responsible for nurturing them for most of the week?

Here we go again.

She just meant she doesn’t work out of the home.

I’m a full time mum at the minute. When I go back to work after ML I won’t be, as ds will be in childcare. It’s common sense.

I don't judge any SAHM, full-time mum, working mum. I do judge you for starting the thread.

Call yourself what you want. Don't moan if people don't understand you when you chose an uncommon way to describe yourself.

i would not get myself het up about it .i always described myself as a full time mum because that is what i did looked after my sons and home and didnt have paid employment .i suppose on a technical term you are not looking after your children full time if you are out at work .but nowadays most woman either have to or actually want to work as long as everyone happy who cares what others describe themselves as

Sahm means you don't go out of the house to work, not that you literally never go out of the house. surely that doesn't need explaining but apparently it does.

would you consider education to be outsourced parenting, since the teacher is responsible for nurturing them for most of the week?

I would, actually. Which is why so many people think so hard about which school will be right for their child, what values it promotes etc etc. Obviously, the teachers don't love your child - they are doing a job - but yes, I am outsourcing their education to the school, so if you want to discuss it in those terms, then I do consider that to be outsourced parenting.