Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

• YAWN. How many times does this have to be done? Its just another word for stay at home parent, ffs. It's not a value judgement on you, you narcissitic numpty.*

Not rtft, got this far, howled laughing and am now going to go about my business.
It never fails to amaze me that some people search for things to be offended by.

sahms are not unemployed, that is simply wrong usage

It's not necessarily wrong usage. They are technically 'not in employment'. I can argue that's accurate enough (though I wouldn't because I accept that language needs to be used carefully in these situations as clumsy use of language is hurtful).

Using either problematic term (saying SAHMs are 'unemployed' or suggesting that WOHMs are not 'full time mums') is based on a fallacy that being a 'mum' is the same as another job like being an accountant. It's not. That should be god damn obvious.

More sensitive use of language would distinguish between being a mum (which SAH/WOH mums all have in common) and being a full time carer for one's children (which is unique to SAHM and not possible to combine with another full time job).

Isnt it ironic gimmeesomepizza, a working mum calls herself a full time mum and shes insecure and worked up about words, but if a sahm wants to define herself by semantics thats just fine. I am a full time mum, i dont stop being a mum, just as my mum is still my mum, and yes, so is your gran. But as my kids live at home with me i m parenting by earning money to support them. By the way you dont know my hours and days of work, i work school hours and finish off stuff once the kids are asleep so no less time spent one on one than a sahp. But i guess they get to call themselves full time. Nope, no insecurities here, im not the nasty cow picking people apart. Im a great mum and proud of what i do. I can only assume you are jealous by your ridiculous need to bleat 'oh no you aren't ' like a petulant child. My 5 year old come come up with a better comeback, but she has manners and doesnt enjoy picking others apart. You could learn something

It is wrong usage, and you can't argue that.

These words have meanings already, you can't just make up your own. Unemployed does not mean the same as sahp. Full time mum does, in the usage we all understand.

Words have meanings that are not their literal bare meanings. We know what unemployed means, and its not just not employed. We know what full time mum means, and its not that anyone else ever stops being a mother.
Mother means the role, which is always accurate, but in context it also means the job, which we don't all do full time.

You know this. You pretend you don't to fit your paranoid agenda. Why? You're going out of your way to find issues that don't exist.

Note i have not once put sahp down. Some of my best friends are sahp. Nothing against them!

If its all only about words, when are we not mums ? Only when at work? Does that apply to sahp who use childcare then, or go to the gym

I have only 1 issue, and its you. You are nasty. Paranoid? Nope, but nice try.

Interesting that I've never heard a SAHM complain that the term working mother implies she doesn't work.

All three of my children are at school, so I'm not a full time mum right?! For 6 hours a day, 5 days a week during a term time I stop being a mum? Hu-feckin-rah, off to book tickets to Vegas and start line dance lessons in that case.

It's a bit of a divisive, stupid way of labelling yourself to be frank.

If its just words and doesnt mean anything, why insist on using the term Full Time Mum? Why not use SAHM?

Everyone understands that SAHM does not mean you literally never leave the house and have adventures!

Full time mum on the other hand is a pretty controversial term and used, in my experience, to project a sense of how much more superiour you are to anyone else.

If its all only about words, when are we not mums ?

I am not being a mother right now. School are responsible for my children. I’m being me.

Interesting that I've never heard a SAHM complain that the term working mother implies she doesn't work.

I did once, years ago, just to prove a point on a thread like this. I didn’t mean it, obviously, because I’m not thick. However, it turns out that a SAHM doesnt work after all so it’s all fine!!

Mother as a description of your role and mothering as a description of your daily activity are two different things. Can't believe grown women with children need this explaining!

I’m going to stir the pot.

The term ‘full time mum’ is usually something I only ever come across as a job description on Facebook. Said ‘full time mums’ are usually teen/under 25 parents with minimal education and limited employment prospects.

Can't believe grown women with children need this explaining!

I can't believe that you, also a grown woman, are sensitive to language you feel undermines your position, yet cannot possibly see how others feel the same way about language they feel undermines theirs. It's either lack of brains or lack of empathy, I can't tell which.

I've been a Sahm for 8 yrs. But I also look after my while is disabled dad with sight, physical and mental health issues. My younger brother who has mental health issues. My nieces and my nephew, allowing their parents to work and do the things they want to do. I have no issue with not going to work, I never had a career. We can just about afford to do this and it makes my OH life easier, as he doesn't need to worry about childcare. We had a lot of issues with our son when he was younger, I also cared for my mum dying of cancer.
What I do is important and I have no desire to work. I worked for 14 years. A lot of people rely on me day to day with things I couldn't do if I worked.
Who cares how anyone refers to themselves. You go to work, she doesn't.
It's none of your business. Sounds like you feel guilty, which is nothing to do with her.
I am sick of women arguing with each other about crap like this instead of supporting each other.
As long as you love your child and doing the best for them, you are doing the best job you can.
That's all any mum can do

tomato - that was one of the reasons I gave up FB 🤗 along with the 'every day I'm a chauffeur, a chef, a teacher, a nurse etc etc but I just get called Mum' nonsense as well.

I can't believe that you, also a grown woman, are sensitive to language you feel undermines your position, yet cannot possibly see how others feel the same way about language they feel undermines theirs. It's either lack of brains or lack of empathy, I can't tell which

Projecting much? I have no position. What makes you think you know whether I sah or woh? I'm not sensitive to either, I'm merely trying to explain to you how wrong you are on BOTH descriptions!

I'm merely trying to explain to you how wrong you are on BOTH descriptions!

I don't disagree with you on the term unemployed. i don't think it's appropriate. However, if you accept that that's inappropriate, then you should also (as it follows logically) accept people's problems with 'full time mum' as a descriptor of SAH but not WOH mothers.

I reiterate this point.

Using either problematic term (saying SAHMs are 'unemployed' or suggesting that WOHMs are not 'full time mums') is based on a fallacy that being a 'mum' is the same as another job like being an accountant. It's not. That should be god damn obvious.

I do not cease to be a mum while I work in another job. However, I do cease to be a full time carer for my children. If you can't see that distinction and why it matters to me and others, then we have reached an impasse in this conversation and I'll be leaving it here.

No, it does not follow logically. Quite the opposite.

You need to stop being so literal and understand there is nuance in word use.

I do not cease to be a mum while I work in another job. However, I do cease to be a full time carer for my children. If you can't see that distinction and why it matters to me and others, then we have reached an impasse in this conversation and I'll be leaving it here

I understand the distinction, but what you need to understand is no matter how it matters to you, the perfectly normal words other people use are not about your feelings on your choices.
I don't particularly like the term FTM and would not use it. However I would never be so arrogant as to think that if other people use it then it is any kind of comment on me, and I worry about people who would. It suggests serious insecurities and a desire to push them on to others.
Other women have enough problems of their own, don't try and give them yours.

It's not necessarily wrong usage. They are technically 'not in employment'. I can argue that's accurate enough (though I wouldn't because I accept that language needs to be used carefully in these situations as clumsy use of language is hurtful).

Saying being a mother looking after children is unemployed is not "clumsy use of language" though. It's using an economic term - with a defined meaning - incorrectly. It's like mixing up the Bank of England with the local branch of the TSB. One is a central bank, the other is a bank in the town centre, but they are different things. Or talking about real interest rates when you mean nominal. It just makes you look like a bit of a twit, especially as it's not an arcane term; anyone who reads a paper or watches the news will be familiar with it and what it means.

but what you need to understand is no matter how it matters to you, the perfectly normal words other people use are not about your feelings on your choices.

Exactly the same thing can be said about using the term 'unemployed', which I reiterate, I don't condone, because I understand how people react to it.

Language matters to people on sensitive topics like this. You don't get it, fine. It's certainly time for me to move on from this circular conversation.

What will she refer herself as when her children go to school?

Natalia there are a number of different definitions of unemployment, one of which is 'not in paid employment' which fits a SAHM.

As I keep saying, the term is not appropriate and I'd never, ever use it. But if people are going to argue 'it's just language and people need to understand it's not about them' then it goes both ways.