Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

[tiredmumm]

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

Exactly the same thing can be said about using the term 'unemployed', which I reiterate, I don't condone, because I understand how people react to it.

I don't find it remotely offensive. I would, however, make the assumption that the person saying it didn't have a high level of education and/or was completely uninformed about basic current affairs and politics.

Exactly the same thing can be said about using the term 'unemployed', which I reiterate, I don't condone, because I understand how people react to it

No it cant'.

You are conflating two entirely different things and equating them, They aren't the same. Unemployed is simply factually incorrect. The other term is not so simple.

You don't get it, fine. You've got a chip about your choices and you're trying to make other women feel bad to make yourself feel better. That's not fine.

Natalia there are a number of different definitions of unemployment

There aren't.

In general parlance there are.

If we're going down the route of definitions, then let's do the same for mother. The most straightforward definition is 'a female parent' and after a brief google I can't find a definition that indicates being the full time carer for the child is necessary to satisfy the criteria of 'mother'.

As 'a female parent' is not in anyway time dependent, the idea of being a 'full time mum' would then appear to be nonsense.

You're getting more literal, not less. Are you not understanding any of what people are telling you?

In general parlance there are.

Nope. Among people who don't ever read a newspaper? Possibly. But not generally. It's a mistake made by the poorly educated. Rather like "should of".

I think the problem is that there is a tendency to use the terms as a stick to beat each other with rather than the terms themselves. For example, I work FT, have done since ds was 9 months old. In my circle of friends, some work ft, some pt and some are sahms (they are allowed to leave the house, btw!). We all support each other and respect each other's decisions. At the baby group I used to go to, however, there were loads of comments like "I think it's sad you won't be a full time mum", "ooh, I couldn't leave little x", and "wouldn't you rather work pt?", which all made me feel a bit shit tbh, and made me a bit defensive. In case anyone's wondering, if someone said to me they were going back pt/ not at all, I said "that's nice" and moved on. Everyone does the best they can for their families, but some people get amazingly sneery about others choices.

@BurnThisDiscoDown, that's so shit.

I hate any phrases people spout out that start with "I think it's sad that you....." about a well-considered choice you made yourself that obviously will (hopefully!) make you happier and not fucking sad!

My housemate said (when i said I didn't like socialising after work every evening and wanted some space) "I think that's so sad, you'll regret living in London and not going out and enjoying it" - I didn't. I fucking hated London and was far happier sitting in my room in the suburbs on the weekend, funnily enough. Enough with people wading in with their pathetic judgements.

Full-time mum imo just means 'full time carer' in the sense that they are always at home looking after the kids (assuming they are not in education yet). So childcare is wholly their responsibility.

And I think sending kids to education is outsourcing a part of our parenting. To do it entirely ourselves, we'd all have to home-school.

The phrase only irritated me once and that was because a self absorbed bugger was saying it alongside telling me how terrible working parents are. She wasnt happy when i commented that as her dc were at nursery and school she wasnt doing full time either...

Some of my friends are sahm, doesnt bother me if they say full time parent -i get to outsource to a better standard of childcare then me with my OCD and anxiety could be full time.

Until there is an equal number of women to men in the workplace, I don't think women will ever been seen as equal. Being a full-time mum/housewife in 2018 just doesn't cut it anymore. If women want true equality, they need a paid job/career.

^ This. With bells on.

Do people really carry off like this in RL??? Because it’s certainly not my experience. Does anyone who works full time really get upset over another woman referring to herself as a full time mum??? Really??? Like you’d respond in a RL situation “I find that offensive because I am also a mum full time but I also work”. I think most rational people know what it means without taking offence.
Why do other people’s choices bother people so much? I keep reading the same old on here where it’s like “poor little sahms”. Haha whatever most of the sahms/ adventure seekers I know have husbands who earn a ridiculous amount of money and the whole family benefits from a flexible care giver. Why does she need to go out to work to be a martyr to this ideology that in 2018 being a sahm doesn’t cut it??

*Until there is an equal number of women to men in the workplace, I don't think women will ever been seen as equal. Being a full-time mum/housewife in 2018 just doesn't cut it anymore. If women want true equality, they need a paid job/career.

^ This. With bells on.*

Yes because true equality should involve completely ignoring your own wishes in order to even up some statistics.

Yes because true equality should involve completely ignoring your own wishes in order to even up some statistics.

^
Because people are so busy looking at men with regards to inequality they can’t see the bitching and backstabbing of women.

*women by women.

When discussing my return to work after maternity leave, my (old) boss said "well, you might decide to be a mother... so-and-so (former colleague) loves being a mum!" - then when I asked for flexible time (which I'd had granted before maternity leave, before pregnancy even, he said "that doesn't work for me..." so I got another job. (And they've never had the same results since I left...)

You are not being unreasonable. When this was said to me, all I could think was "i'll be a mother regardless of whether I work or not!"

I think some people just think that mother's shouldn't work and that you're not a "proper" mother if you do. Fuckwits.

If SAHMs were ‘unemployed’ then surely they’d be entitled to benefit? I know they’d have to actively seek paid employment.

So - it’s different. It’s a life style choice. Not everyone does it - because not everyone wants to do it, or can afford to do it.

It’s definitely not about being unemployed.

Yes because true equality should involve completely ignoring your own wishes in order to even up some statistics. hmm

Your own wishes to help financially support your children?

A SAHM is indirectly financially supporting her own children

Indirectly doesn't pay the bills.

Why do 2 parents need to work when 1 is warning more than enough to financially support the entire family?

There are other ways to support a family other than financially.

Why should it be up to just one parent though?

Because there's more to life than money. People don't need an infinite amount of cash.

Plenty of working spouses really value the roll of their partner who is a SAHP. There are many of ways in which it can benefit am individual family far more than extra money which isn't needed.

I understand what you are saying, just don't understand why it has to be the man generally?