Can *everything* be fit into the 6am-6pm working day?

[Whiskaspie]

And I mean everything bar putting dishwasher on after dinner and putting kids to bed. All house/food/bills/kids/garden/planning etc etc...if one were a sahp.

Isn't the oint though that the kids are home from 3, and don't go to bed until say 7 or 8 so even if she spends every hour they're at school scrubbing the skirting boards and ironing the curtains, the kids will still make mess once they're home, need snacks, interaction etc and that stuff will need cleaning up after which isn't going to be fine before 6 because they're still making it. Do whilst one is putting the kids to bed, the other one loads the dishwasher, and tidies. Not declares that they can't help because they actually WORK all day

Yes I could get it all done 7am to 7pm and work full time :)

I'm a single mum with 2 kids and run my own business. Up at 5 every morning - clean the bathroom, empty the dishwasher, put in any dishes from the night before, tidy up anything that's been left out. Get the kids up, make breakfast, send them for their showers/teeth brushing and I Hoover then dust. They're dressed by this time and it's usually around 7.45/8. We hang out for half an hour, then head to school.

I go into my studio, work for the day then pick the kids up from nursery/after school care. Make dinner, eat, put dishes into dishwasher. Kids help pick up any toys they've had out. We do homework then play/watch movie and then bed at 8. Then I'm done for the day. Weekends are a bit annoying since they bring out all their toys and their room needs cleaning too but they help with that, and we get the gardening done. It's not that hard to do it all and work and still have the evening to myself.

With dc pre school no but with dc at school yes.

But I do think having observed people some people just take a lot of time doing things.

So a list of simple chores e.g. unpack dishwasher, clean bathroom, sew on a button, sort out recycling. The amount of time it takes people, varies enormously.

I'm speedy at everything, always have been, when I'm reading an article say with DH I'm three times as fast. Plus how organised people are counts for a lot, that button that needs sewing. All my sewing stuff is in a sewing cupboard I have.

This isnt about sahp but people in general, some are really appalling at organisation and timekeeping. If your a very focussed person then it's easier, everything from lowly chores to intricate brainy stuff. That's nothing to do with academic levels either. My sister runs her house with military precision, she has superb organisational skills. When she had three primary school aged dc she volunteered to listen to other dc read at their school a couple of mornings a week.

It's true that there will always be stuff to finish off in the evening because of the nature of the chores (and because you want to spend time with DC) but ultimately, the one at home still has more time free during the day to do their stuff - again assuming DC at school - so to insist on sharing everything after DH/DP home always rather strikes me as wanting to have your cake and eat it...

Why would I begrudge DH a sit down at 7pm, say, while I clean up the kitchen/get DC to bed if he doesn't begrudge me a 2pm sit down with a book while he is in the office?

Not if they aren’t at school all dat

Obviously, need to fling in a couple washes during the week and then again at the weekend, then all ironing on a Sunday. But it's really not that hard to keep a house clean if you pick up as you go, and don't let the washing pile up.

Avasarala but your hours of 5-8 means you finish after or as the kids go to bed. OP's DH wants it all done 2 hours before the kids have gone. That's the issue. He presumably expects then to sit quietly with a book once he is home

We get it all done between us 7am-9pm.
But that's with us splitting dinner, homework, bath, bedtimes x3, making packed lunches, clearing up, dishwasher, clothes out for next day between the two of us 6-9pm.
After 9 we both sit on our arses.

@SleepingStandingUp

I wasn't swearing at you, I was swearing as part my sentence lol. But you did pretty much latch onto one part of it.

So this is why I think it can be done.

The majority of tidying and cleaning in our house is done by 8 or 9pm on weekdays, plus a quick clean Saturday mornings, which includes hoovering and giving the bathrooms a good scrub. That after feeding and playing with a toddler who gets food everywhere and doesn't understand the concept of tidying.

I cook every other day as I always cook enough for two meals. Laundry gets thrown in when we get in, so we can
hang it up before going to bed.

So, in the day when there are no kids, the majority of her tasks can be done, in my opinion.

I sorted out home and life insurance online within 30 minutes 6 months ago
All bills are on direct debit, so I don't need to think of them.
I transfer DP some money once a month.
He sorts our his car insurance, etc, once a year, which takes very little time. Usually just a few phone calls /appointments.
We do our food shop every weekend, but I used to order it in which was very handy

So, yes, I find it difficult to understand why a SAHP with kids not in the house 24/7 can struggle not to do housework

But, as I said in my opening post, her main role is parenting so everything else can take a back seat.

As a full time WOTH single parent you simply have to cut your cloth.

I don't hoover every day because I don't need to.
I spend zero hours on banking and bills because I DD everything
Online grocery shopping or done in my lunch hour
Laundry on a Saturday, ironing on a Sunday.

If I was a SAHP then I would probably do more or take longer about it, but I don't see that I'd really need to. My kids are clean, my clothes are clean and my house is clean. None of those things really need to be cleaner

Is OP's DH actually saying he wants all chores done by 6pm? Or is he saying that he doesn't want to do any when he gets home from work? Very different.

Ex-DH used to get cross with me for doing chores in the evening as it 'put him on edge'. That's unreasonable especially as he was unemployed and did nothing during the day . But if it's a question of both people doing the same hours of work v leisure but just at different times, then that's reasonable. IMO anyway!

Everything else can be done in the day but
Dinner
Clearing up
Homework
Baths
Bedtimes
Can't so you should split those.

Sleeping; between 5 & 8 at night, it's just cooking dinner, picking up the toys they played with while I was cooking and then putting the dishes in the dishwasher. That's not the sort of housework he's talking about; he kids are probably still playing when he comes home so toys are expected - as is dinner and dishes.

I get up at 5am so my housework is done and I can go to work, but if I were a stay at home mum, I'd have no trouble getting it all done during the day. Did it during mat leave and my house was kept tidy and clean (kids nap, visit grandparents or whatever) and you get the stuff done. Even if it's not everyday, the house is still tidy. I just don't see an excuse. Anything except picking up the days toys and putting the dishes away can be done during the day - especially if you're at home and the kids are at school.

@DoJo

My apologies

Ive been pretty much to since half 3 . DS woke up, we managed to get him back to sleep, but my sleep was ruined, so perhaps that's it.

Ds is 19 months old and has near on 6 meals a day so we do usually have breakfast and dinner at home. So there is that to clean up in the evenings. He has playtimes in the evening and sometimes in the morning if we're not in a rush.

Yes if they sleep. Otherwise I remember spending half day at least in a sleep deprived haze

I’m a SAHM to school aged kids.

I get everything done during the day, and the teenagers wash up. So other than telling them to go to bed, my work is done after I’ve cooked dinner. DH doesn’t have to do any housework but he does do the ferrying (only one evening a week now, thankfully) and he works a 70hr week.

He’s no slouch, he’s out of the house 6.30-4.30 and then usually does more wfh in the evening. So I do everything else.

I have six hours a day to myself and manage to get everything done and keep up a healthy Netflix dose. So I think it’s only fair he doesn’t have anything to deal with at home. That said, he is a truly lovely man and it’s a pleasure to do things for him as he always shows gratitude and tells me what a wonderful job I’m doing, and when I did work Ft he did more than his fair share.

WTFIsthisVirus

I think OP is trying to say not everything fits neatly into 6-6 not can you generally do a few routine chores whilst the kids are school.

I'm not sure if yours are at school yet, but things crop up. I've had calls from school at 4:00pm from the deputy to talk through how my child was beaten up and what the school is doing about it. Obviously everything goes on hold and I deal with that. Then if my DH came home and said 'why didn't the washing get hung out before I got home you should have done it in the day' and then proceeded not to help me hang the washing, I'd think what an idiot parenting doesn't fit into a neat little box.

WTFIsThisVirus but how long are your kids up from getting home at 7 to going to their bedroom? I agree the vast majority can be fine on the day (as I'm sat here on mn with a toddler on me ignoring the washing up) but once the kids are home at 3, that's 4 extra hours of mess and yet she's supposed to have our it all done an hour before bed. Given we agree her focus is on the kids at that time, I don't see how she's meant to have everything tidied. So most should be done but there's a final tidy up with our without the kids before bed, wiping sides down in the kitchen after dinner prep, bathroom to wipe down, load of washing to put on. Maybe DP should do bed routine and she can be finished by the time he's down

Housework yes but no one can say a child won't need you after that time!

It depends on the age, number and type of child (ren).
It's doable for me. I work pt and my child is 11. When she was under 5 it wasn't always easy. So some jobs waited until after her bedtime.

Just re read. My OH tells me not to do all the tidying. It really doesn't matter. He never comes back to a clean house. He never moans. We are a team!

Yes grasspigeons that's what I mean. It can't be fit into a random 12 hour block. Not that Op shouldn't be able to do most of ity but that the DP seems to think all she should do once he is home is serve dinner and load the dishwasher

Now my children are school aged, yes easily and with time to spare (hence my faffing on here whilst having a coffee!) I tidy as I go and encourage them to do the same.

Once tea is done and washed up, screens go off and we either play a game, watch something on tv or just hang out until their bedtime.