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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can *everything* be fit into the 6am-6pm working day?

237 replies

Whiskaspie · 19/02/2018 02:32

And I mean everything bar putting dishwasher on after dinner and putting kids to bed. All house/food/bills/kids/garden/planning etc etc...if one were a sahp.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2018 09:14

It isn't the length of time so much as the actual time period. At 6 we're sitting down to food, thrn the toddler has a play with his toys so all that needs sorting. Dressed and medicines ready for bed. Toys picking up. Bed routine takes an hour so I wash up and tody whilst DH does that so that's a deadline of 8. Mostly everything is done by then most of the time

Beetlejizz · 19/02/2018 09:15

You're not really asking the right question then OP. With the books example, what you actually want to know is whether it would have been feasible to do it between 3 and 6 given the other stuff you had on during that period, and if not whether it should automatically fall to you as the SAHP. Because it sounds like it's the stuff that can't be fit in during the school day by it's very nature, like cleaning up the after school mess, that's the issue here. Obviously you have perhaps 4.5 hours free most days so you should be getting the majority of stuff done then, but it's not always possible.

TotHappy · 19/02/2018 09:18

Your main job is the childcare. So playing, chatting, reading, walking, etc etc. Other chores as and when. No way could i do all that stuff as most of it would have to fit into nap time, which some days doesn't even happen! Plus appointments or any unexpected thing really throws it off.

Spikeyball · 19/02/2018 09:21

It depends massively on your children's needs. Children that can entertain themselves, don't need watching all the time and don't constantly make a mess will give much more time to get things done than those who do.

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2018 09:22

We don't have everything on direct debits and even so bill paying isn't something I class as a chore. A few mins on Internet banking every month while I'm having breakfast or whatever.

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2018 09:23

Booking holidays is another task that people seem to see as a huge chore. It's just some th ing dh and I would do whole chatting about where we want to go. That said we only ever go away in the UK :)

Ragwort · 19/02/2018 09:27

Your DH sounds a slefish dick but in general terms yes, most things involved in running a house can be fitted into 12 hours.

But of course it totally depends on your children and your standards - I found being a SAHM a piece of cake, but I only had one child, he could amuse himself entirely, had two long naps a day, slept 7pm-7am. Equally my standards are pretty low (cetainly by Mumsnet standards Grin), housework has never taken more than 30 minutes (max) a day.

Now DS is older & I am back at work but I never do 'chores' at night, unless I particularly want to.

WTFIsThisVirus · 19/02/2018 09:30

To be honest,if your kids are out of the house from 9am -3pm, I don't see why the majority of stuff can't get done.

Im actually confused about what you're doing all day

Steeley113 · 19/02/2018 09:30

Booking holidays is fun surely? I love looking at holidays! I do that in my spare time Grin

DoJo · 19/02/2018 09:33

If we, as full time working parents out of the house 7am to nearly 7pm, can manage to get everything done, then I don't see why you wouldn't be able to.

But being out of the house for 12 hours means that your house isn't getting covered in toys/slime/biscuit crumbs/snot - if you have children in the house playing, eating and making messes, then it can easily take a large part of your day just getting the house back to the state it was in the morning.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2018 09:39

If we, as full time working parents out of the house 7am to nearly 7pm, can manage to get everything done, then I don't see why you wouldn't be able to

So what periods of time are your kids actually home and out of their bedroom for bed routine / sleep?

Also in that 12 hour period I'm not just doing housework, I'm playing and supervising and being poked for anatomy lessons and licked and keeping him away from taps. Plus tidying up 12 hours worth of toy playing and making / cleaning up at least 1 more meal for us both.

Dont get me wrong, I think generally SAHP must sit down before most WOHP because there is some things we both have to do. But to suggest that I only do in 24 hours what you do in 12 is a bit silly really unless you think I lock him in the shed till Dad comes home

Notso · 19/02/2018 09:44

I do find booking a holiday a bit of a chore Stealth that's mostly due to poorly functioning websites which don't tell you which days you can fly to which places so you have to guess. If you get it wrong you have to start all over again, and trying to find places suitable for a family of 6 within walking distance to a beach/pub/shop, etc. I do find it a chore, I think I find it worse because I don't really like going on holidays much so it's a good job we can't afford many!

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2018 09:44

Definitely!

WTFIsThisVirus · 19/02/2018 09:46

@Dojo @SleepingStandingUp

Read the rest of my fucking post, instead of just the bit you disagree with.

She has since said they're in primary school, so they're not in up the house all day.

nakedscientist · 19/02/2018 09:47

The fact is, if you could have you would have!

I remember my days being sliced into tiny bits of time when I was at home. You never really get a run at something.

Nowadays, working, I'm busy morning till night :(

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2018 09:47

Sorry that was to the people saying houses stay cleaner when you work all day

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 19/02/2018 09:48

Yet another thread that seems to descend into SAHP bashing. Not the OPs question.

OP I would expect the vast majority of daily chores to be done by a SAHP during that time period but obviously some things might not be able to. I'm a SAHP and I still do things like the weekly food shop (online) after dc are in bed, because I can't concentrate with them buzzing around me. I do some of my 'proper' cleaning after bedtime (ie not a wipe down/tidy up) just because otherwise I feel I'm ignoring the dc to clean, which isn't why I'm at home.

Being utterly honest, if the dc are at school then I would expect any full on cleaning to be done during this time. I would not include the post day tidy up in this though, or the book example you gave.

Surely the reason SAHP are there is to look after the dc while the dc are there/awake - not to just do never ending cleaning and tidying. So in my own experience this does mean that there's some small stuff to do after bedtime, though not much. And I would expect my dh to help on this, unless he's brought work home with him, which does sometimes happen.

Elementtree · 19/02/2018 09:53

I've been a Sahp and a wohp and a w(at)hp, but t the risk of missing the point, why would you want to have everyone in bed by 6pm and all the housework done?

Am I missing out on a badge or something?

Besides which, ds1 is 10 and I can't imagine him being very pleased at being put to bed by six Grin

kaytee87 · 19/02/2018 09:55

@Elementtree op didn't say the kids are in bed at 6. She asked if everyone had everything else except kids to go to bed & dinner dishes done by 6pm

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2018 09:56

WTFIsThisVirus really no need to start swearing at people is there?

The point is OP's kids are still home earlier than yours if you and the kids are out 7-7. So they are still home to make more mess, possible extra meals and snacks depending on whether your kids have dinner or snack at home with you. If they come in, have a snack, 30 minutes quiet time to do homework then bed that isn't the same as coming home to snack, 2 hours of making a mess / playing, plus dinner.

AS I SAID, I'D STILL ASSUME SHE SITS DOWN BEFORE A WORKING PARENT COUPLE so it isn't about implying she works harder or later than a wohp just it is different

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/02/2018 09:56

And banking and bills hmm I will forever be mystified at how much they seem to feature in sahp list of things they do

Same!

Every month the bills go out by DD, takes literally zero effort on my part. A couple of times a year I submit a gas and elec and water meter reading. Once a year I sort out house and car insurance. Those are NOT jobs that a SAHP can have on their list to make it look harder than it really is.,

nottwins · 19/02/2018 09:57

Yeah, sorry. I'm another one who doesn't understand why it takes so long to do the household stuff. Totally different with pre-school aged kids, but here we're talking primary age - so 9-3 to get stuff done every day.

I know it's not a competition, but I work school hours 4 days/week and wouldn't expect DH to do anything during the week because I can get it all done before he's home from work (around the time the DC are going to bed) and on my day off.

I do have a cleaner 4hrs/week but if I was a SAHM, I'd have an extra 24hrs/week so I'm guessing I'd still have a fair amount of free time that would easily offset any minor tidying etc in the evening...

Elementtree · 19/02/2018 09:59

Thanks Kaytee, small word that, "bar" Grin

DoJo · 19/02/2018 10:01

@WTFIsThisVirus

Wow - you seem disproportionately angry! I wasn't particularly disagreeing with your post as a whole (not least because I agree that staying at home to parent should involve more parenting than household chores!), but rather than the very presence of kids in the house creates work that simply isn't there if you are all out. Even the difference between having breakfast and dinner at home rather than at wraparound care creates work that can't really be done 'in advance'.

I thought your post was in support of SAHPs and quoted you to support the point that being at home creates jobs that don't need doing when everyone is out of the house - apologies if that did not come across.

HotelEuphoria · 19/02/2018 10:02

Add an hour to that and I did all that whilst working full time and DH worked away. For years.

Yes it can.