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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
Xenadog · 19/02/2018 08:05

Why not just say to him you want this one lie in a week and if he puts his own sexual wants before your lie-in it will be a very long time before you have sex again?

He is pestering you and doesn’t take no for an answer. You do “give in” so by some people’s standards this is coercion. Personally, I’d be turned right off by his selfishness and he wouldn’t be having sex with me this side of Christmas.

WhiparoundandSpin · 19/02/2018 08:06

Your husband pesters you for sex.There isn't anything nice about that. I expect lots of women think it's ok because they put up with it too. It's not ok, it's certainly not respectful.

Inertia · 19/02/2018 08:06

Do you not have clocks in your house? ‘Later’ can be quantified.

Or is this all intended to be some kind of bizarre brag about how irresistible you are?

LadySainsburySeal · 19/02/2018 08:08

Maybe I'm in a relationship where my partner respects my right to say no. Or maybe just respects me full stop.

Original poster
Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 08:09

I'm not sure why I'm getting such a bashing on this ......

OP posts:
TheStoic · 19/02/2018 08:10

You’re not. He is.

Pfftkids · 19/02/2018 08:11

If you're all so offended why are you on this thread. If something offends or annoys me I don't go on. There's even an option to hide threads if you don't like them

Sallystyle · 19/02/2018 08:12

I wouldn't find it lighthearted either.

This is what you said

AIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree.

He persists every 15 minutes until you begrudgingly agree. That isn't ok.

Now you are saying that if you tell him to back off, he would straight away.

Then you say this

I've tried talking to him, negotiating even

So which is it? He would back off if you told him you weren't interested or does he persist every 15 minutes until you begrudgingly have sex with him, and why have you had to try to talk to him and negotiate with him if you aren't actually bothered by it?

mnxnt42 · 19/02/2018 08:12

My dp isn’t massively into morning sex, i’m not so keen on evening sex (too tired). However, we do actually both want to have sex with each other. So we both make the effort when it’s not our preferred time. And look forward to the rare occasions we can manage afternoon sex. That’s relationships isn’t it? Compromise and making each other a priority

Sallystyle · 19/02/2018 08:13

If you're all so offended why are you on this thread. If something offends or annoys me I don't go on. There's even an option to hide threads if you don't like them

Who is offended?

TieDyedBumhole · 19/02/2018 08:13

Because you’ve started a “lighthearted” thread about your dh pestering you for sex. Which for many women is about as far from “lighthearted” as it’s possible to get Hmm

ClosDesMouches · 19/02/2018 08:14

I’m not seeing where all these offended posters are?

expatinscotland · 19/02/2018 08:15

'I'm not sure why I'm getting such a bashing on this ......'

Because there's nothing really lighthearted about someone who doesn't take no for an answer, which is what someone who keeps trying it on even after having been told no, is.

WhiparoundandSpin · 19/02/2018 08:15

I think it's important not to ignore it. OP and women should know it's not ok to be pestered for sex. In their home. In their bed. Trying to rest. By the person who loves them. Really, that should be basic in a relationship.

iBiscuit · 19/02/2018 08:16

Arf @ Groclock Grin

FWIW I don't think it's an overreaction to describe this man as being a sex pest. There are some men who seem to feel they have a right to "their" woman's body. My ex was like this. It was revolting, demeaning and resulted in a great deal of resentment on my part. It didn't cause me to leave him per se, but it was symptomatic of his general attitude towards me and of his corrosive disrespect. It certainly didn't help me want to stay.

DP on the other hand will make an approach, but isn't interested in having sex with someone who doesn't welcome it. And strangely enough, as a result, he is rarely rebuffed.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 19/02/2018 08:16

@fluffyears not everything is rape, fucking hell. [Hmm] Some things can merely be "piss off I'm sleeping".

TenancyTroublesAgain · 19/02/2018 08:16

My bemused smiley didn't work!

Here it is: Hmm

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 19/02/2018 08:19

He's not a sex pest, and if she reciprocal then that's fine with morning and waking up it may time more time to get in the mood than fully alert at night going ti bed.
I do not like morning sex at all. Just tell him you don't like it

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/02/2018 08:20

Rapists aren't everywhere. I can't believe people on here think if someone changed their mind after sex that makes it rape and they should report it. The is very worrying and dangerous.

Jammycustard · 19/02/2018 08:21

Tell him not to do it. Simple. Say ‘please don’t wake me on a Sunday, it’s my day to sleep in’. Or is this a stealth boast about how desirable you are?

TieDyedBumhole · 19/02/2018 08:22

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that if you change your mind after sex you should report it as rape? Shock

Elendon · 19/02/2018 08:22

OP you have already discussed with him not to do this and he has repeatedly ignored your requests. I don't think this is a show of affection, in fact it appears to me that your husband doesn't like you much at all. I'm sorry if that is not what you want to hear.

Pfftkids · 19/02/2018 08:22

Oh I see lots of offended posters but then I see things differently to a lot of people on here.

Get a black out blind Op so he doesn't wake up with the sun

GnotherGnu · 19/02/2018 08:23

I don't say no .... I say later ! His later is just a lot sooner than mine!

Well, that's the answer to your problem, isn't it? Don't say "Later", say "No".

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/02/2018 08:23

There is a post thst says exactly that.

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