Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
swanmills · 19/02/2018 06:49

Flouncy actually only one person mentioned rape in response to op. The others were in response to a poster saying her husband has sex with her while he thinks she's asleep.

Booie09 · 19/02/2018 06:49

The fact that people are calling her husband a sex pest is quite disgusting!!

swanmills · 19/02/2018 06:50

Also what in the world is the "militant rape brigade"??

CheshireSplat · 19/02/2018 06:50

Situp that really made me chuckle!

swanmills · 19/02/2018 06:50

Booie the fact that her husband is pestering her for sex is quite disgusting.

Sillybilly1234 · 19/02/2018 06:54

Do it in Saturday before you train together. Otherwise tell him if he wants it on a Sunday he needs to sneak out of the room when he wakes up, then come back after 10 am or whatever time you want to sleep till.

CapricornWithAUnicornHorn · 19/02/2018 06:55

'It's not rape'
Really? The word 'no' doesn't mean 'convince me or make me feel pressured into having sex' so yes. It is rape. Just cause they're married doesn't mean she has to put up with that. If this was a poster saying they had a one night stand and the man she slept with pressured her into sex the next morning you'd all be telling her to report it to the police but because they're married it's okay? Double standards

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/02/2018 07:00

Only on mumsnet are there rapists everywhere! Why do you all persist in showing men as sexual predators and women as poor simpering fools who just have to lie back and.think of England? You know women enjoy sex too? What is it on here? 100 years ago? Have any of you heard of equal rights?

zzzzz · 19/02/2018 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

downthestrada · 19/02/2018 07:02

For me personally, I prefer enthusiastic consent, rather than pestered until giving in. How that’s seen legally - I don’t know. It maybe depends on the way that the OP begrudgingly agrees.

I know it’s meant to be a lighthearted thread, but the actual description sounds pretty similar to many people’s experiences of rape - in and out of marriage or relationships.

Whether it’s rape or nearly rape, it’s still pretty bad. These types of situations are why the law was changed regarding marital rape, so I’m not keen to mock anyone who thinks it sounds like rape.

Booie09 · 19/02/2018 07:03

swanmills did you not read the OP post! It was lighthearted but as usual people think they can tell all about a person from a thread on mumsnet!!

Bumbummctumtum · 19/02/2018 07:03

The op can be tired and still want sex.

Anyhoo, you just need to breathe on him. I’m surprised that doesn’t stop anyone who wants morning sex in their tracks.

Couldn’t you just initiate when it’s late on Saturday. I would, just to make a point.

user1474652148 · 19/02/2018 07:07

I find it a little abusive, if he knows this is your only chance to sleep and rest and yet he wakes you up at 6am. It is overtones at best of a man who has no consideration or respect for you and your wishes, and at worst a controlling bullying do intent on getting what he wants.
Stamp it out assertively and have a close look at every other area in your life. Is he generally like this?
I could not be with someone that cared so little for me

user1474652148 · 19/02/2018 07:08

Is - has

buddahbelly · 19/02/2018 07:09

Maybe get him a Groclock? Grin

Shoxfordian · 19/02/2018 07:09

The OP can say it's lighthearted but sexual coercion- asking for sex every 15 minutes until she begrudgingly agrees- isn't a lighthearted matter.

Oh, also it's not only on mumsnet there are rapists everywhere; just take a quick glance at the news...!

So many posters want to minimise this disgusting behaviour, it's sad.

CobraKai · 19/02/2018 07:11

Coercion doesn't mean persuading someone to do something. It means to use force, threats or intimidation to get someone to do something.

pipandco · 19/02/2018 07:13

"So many posters want to minimise this disgusting behaviour, it's sad"

Agreed and it's also extremely worrying if some of these posters have children and the messages they're sending out to them. It's almost like some women wish we could go back a couple of years before abuse victims finally felt they could come forward with their experiences. It's clearly just been a huge inconvenience for some people who don't want to have to bother with the issue.

SoupDragon · 19/02/2018 07:18

thoughts ?

Talk to him...?

nutbrownhare15 · 19/02/2018 07:18

If my dh did this even once I'd be majorly pissed off. Why doesn't he take no for an answer? Is there an expectation that you'll 'give in' eventually? That would be a major turn off for me. Begrudging sex sounds awful. Can you tell him to stop and would he listen? It sounds like you are in a dynamic where his needs trump yours. Not good.

CobraKai · 19/02/2018 07:19

I think it's gross behaviour. But words have meaning and shouldn't be thrown around when what has been described doesn't fit the definition at all.

downthestrada · 19/02/2018 07:20

We don’t know the way that he “persists” and the way that the OP “begrudging agrees”. So none of us know if it’s rape or not.

That said, as it’s so close to many people’s experiences of rape within a relationship, I find it a bit sad that people are complaining about the “militant rape brigade”.

I’m guessing that there are many women in this country who are actually being raped by their husbands but don’t realise that it’s classed as rape, and that it’s also illegal.

FissionChips · 19/02/2018 07:20

Just start farting or pretend you’ve just had a poo.

Anniexoxo · 19/02/2018 07:23

@Sodamntiredasalways

Ridiculous how everything is considered rape these days isn't it 😂

Personally, he probably thinks you're up early every morning and Sunday is your only lie in together so you guys should have some sexy time? I think it's sweet, but if you're too tired explain to him that it's your only lie in ☺️

sexyegg · 19/02/2018 07:24

@Shoxfordian ah I forgot the OP is feeble and has no control over her own actions. She must have been coerced into it Hmm

It's not rape ffs, stop consenting if you don't want to do it! If you say yes, you're giving consent. Whatever your reasons behind it are, you've still given consent. It doesn't matter if it's because you want him to shut up, or because you want to make him happy. He doesn't force you, he doesn't even really coerce you because you have full control over what you want, or do not want, to do. The only occasions where you've had morning sex when you might not have felt like it is because you've said yes, who's fault is that? Not the husbands because he wanted it that's for sure. He can want whatever he likes but it only happens when you agree.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.