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AIBU?

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Original poster

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 21/02/2018 16:18

From This assault support website

Do you actually have to say ‘no’ for it to be rape?

No. The other person has to reasonably believe that you are consenting. So if you are asleep for example, or very drunk, the person can’t say that you were consenting. Many rape victims actually freeze rather than fight and scream when being raped or assaulted which is contrary to popular myth. It is up to you whether you consent every time. No one can assume that you will consent just because you are married, in a relationship or have had sex before.

hairycoo · 21/02/2018 16:51

Well this thread has went to the dogs. I get what your saying OP. For me its split into two feelings, the before feeling when usually i cant be arsed to have sex because Im not in the mood or Im too sleepy or just cant be bothered in general and if dp and I only had sex when I really really wanted it beforehand then it wouldnt be that much never. I guess this could be classed as sexually lazy? But there is window of time where dp knows that I could be for changing my mind, and for him to get me in the mood (I guess this is where some of the militant on this thread would class as coerced/pestered) and change my mind. Either it works and we have sex (which I have by that time happily consented to and in the mood for) or it doesnt and dp will just settle for a cuddle.

WhiparoundandSpin · 21/02/2018 21:08

hairycoo you wrote "Either it works and we have sex (which I have by that time happily consented to and in the mood for) or it doesnt and dp will just settle for a cuddle."

Isn't that different to what OP described? "He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree."

Iluvthe80s · 21/02/2018 21:31

That would piss me off. Nothing is better than sleep!

Arealhumanbeing · 21/02/2018 21:35

Isn't that different to what OP described?

Yes. OP wanted to scream at him too. (I have never felt like screaming at a partner shortly before sex).

Also she was wondering if she should be grateful for the “affection”.

So yeah, fucked up.

InfiniteCurve · 21/02/2018 23:25

Thing is,this isn't a sex/no sex choice,as far as I can make out. It isn't that this is this couple's only chance for sex,intimacy and strengthening their relationship.
DH doesn't have to have sex at 6am,or go without - he could wait,an hour,two hours .He must already be waiting as he is trying to persuade OP every 15 minutes,several times.So why not wake up,fancy sex,think "oh,but partner doesn't like to be woken this early" and wait a bit? Even if he waited til the time she normally gives in she'd get a bit of her lie in.
But she says she's tried talking and it hadn't made any difference,so it reads as a "but I want it nowwww!" scene.
Actually very much like the thread about people's cats trying to get their humans to feed them/ let them out/ whatever - 6am? 4am? But I'm hungry now.....

hairycoo · 21/02/2018 23:55

I dont know how different, at the very start of initiation (when dp is being handsy and feely and generally trying his luck) I do usually begrudgingly agree because whilst im not at that very precise moment in the mood for sex for whatever reason, I know once dp really gets started and then im in the throes of it I will happily be consenting. Therefore even if im slow or reluctant to start, and need dh to coax me on I dont consider him a pest or rapey, he just knows what buttons to press. I guess after 15 years together dh knows when to keep 'pestering' as other posters would call it but also when to call it quits. I dont consider for a second that dh has ever raped me. Ever.

RabbityMcRabbit · 22/02/2018 09:00

BertrandRussell, rape is defined as penetration by a penis, other body part or object, therefore it is possible to commit rape without the use of a penis.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 22/02/2018 09:08

No it isn’t @rabbit. It has to be a penis or it isn’t rape (in English law anyway).

SoupDragon · 22/02/2018 09:30

I quoted this earlier on:

From the Sexual Offences Act on the CPS website:

Rape (section 1)
The elements of rape are:

(A) intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis;
(B) does not consent to the penetration, and
(A) does not reasonably believe that (B) consents

There is a different offence of “assault by penetration” to cover the use of something other than a penis. I believe they are both treated the same.

Unless you aren’t in the U.K.

SoupDragon · 22/02/2018 09:30

(I say “UK” but it could just be England... I’m not sure)

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2018 09:34

“BertrandRussell, rape is defined as penetration by a penis, other body part or object, therefore it is possible to commit rape without the use of a penis“

No it isn’t. Not in the UK anyway.

taylorj86 · 26/02/2018 23:05

Elendon I'm not looking at you, so please don't look at me. You are right, it is all just banter! Take those words and settle down, no need to call Inspector Morse on account of sinister events. Eh a lot of peeple wiv sumfin up ver butt round ere.

Hairycoo absolutely my point, if you have been in marriage/relationship for that long then sex just doesn't happen if one or the other isn't nudging or 'pestering'. I'm not sure where this perfect world is where couples schedule a 'designated time for consenting mutual coitus'.

taylorj86 · 26/02/2018 23:08

May I add that some countries don't even have laws against offenses such as rape and domestic violence. I don't want to name specific countries, but we are lucky to have such laws here that are taken seriously.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 26/02/2018 23:38

Early morning sex is only good when you are first with someone

Being pestered into having sex is never good and why would anyone want to have sex with their partner when they are not wanting to

catfishsally · 26/02/2018 23:40

I hate morning sex with a passion

MrsKoala · 27/02/2018 08:35

I wouldn't say i live in a perfect world but me and dh schedule sex. As pp says otherwise it wouldn't happen. Neither of us like to be nudged or pestered so we look at our diaries and see when we will both be not tired, not working, not with dc etc and then block out an hour or 2. It means we look forward to it, flirt quite a lot building up to it and then really enjoy it knowing it isn't a duty shag for either of us.

Even pre-dc we often did this at busy times when dh worked away a lot. We are well matched in that we hate spontaneity in this regard. My exH was always badgering me and it was beyond tedious, it also meant we had way less sex.

Beanteam · 27/02/2018 08:47

If he is this inconsiderate now good luck when you are up every night with the baby. As it won’t be him.
I would wake him through the week ‘cos you want a cuddle’ and see how that goes down.

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