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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
Ickyockycocky · 19/02/2018 02:50

If you don’t want sex, then don’t have it. Say no and mean it.

taylorj86 · 19/02/2018 02:54

swanmills it is not respectful to single out a poster's comments amongst an entire thread based on your own hangups and a joke you do not understand. I will talk to you however I like if you try to victimise or challenge my comments.
If you don't have anything to contribute to OP please leave.

JanetStWalker · 19/02/2018 03:14

I haven't had sex with a man since 2011 and reading these posts make me think I could quite happily live the rest of my life without it. Just the thought of their constant needs and urges turns my stomach, eurgh.

OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable!

swanmills · 19/02/2018 03:20

Are you having a laugh Taylor ? I'm not signalling anyone else our because no one else is indicating that they've been raped in their sleep.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 19/02/2018 03:26

I don’t understand the joke either @taylor..?

e1y1 · 19/02/2018 03:33

On the other hand sometimes DH tries it when I'm asleep and I just pretend not to wake up and let him get on with it lol

By far the creepiest thing I have ever read.

OtterInDisgrace · 19/02/2018 03:37

Thoughts are, why ‘begrudgingly give in’ if you don’t want sex then? Seriously. Tell him to sod off and go back to sleep. I don’t understand why if this lie in means so much to you you let him ruin it.

UAEMum · 19/02/2018 03:55

Ok.... so if someone offers me a piece of cake anf i say no (unlikely but bear with me) because i dont fancy it. Then they ask me again because they really want me to eat the cake..... i change my mind cos the cake is appealing to me now. I eat it and enjoy it. Nobody forced me to eat the cake. I changed my mind.
So if OPs husband.asks her to have sex, she says no. Then he asks her again because he really wants her to have sex. She changes her mind and has sex. Nobody forced her to do it, she changed her mind. Therefore this is not rape!

5plusMeAndHim · 19/02/2018 03:55

The op is not being coerced. I think you need a dictionary to understand that coercion does not mean the same as pestered.akso consent does not need to be enthusiastic, it just needs to be consent!
Some worrying misconceptions here!

SilverBirchTree · 19/02/2018 04:07

Judging your partner for pestering you for sex repeatedly after you’ve said no....

That’s really not ok.

LolitaLempicka · 19/02/2018 04:14

Your joke isn’t funny taylor. And your husband is a rapist. And OP, why would your husband want to have forced sex with someone? He sounds really nasty.

AbsolutelyCorking · 19/02/2018 04:30

On the other hand sometimes DH tries it when I'm asleep and I just pretend not to wake up and let him get on with it lol

Your husband is Disgusting and a rapist.

The OP is being coerced too, OP your husband sounds revolting and a sex pest.

OldBlueStitches · 19/02/2018 04:37

Is he a rapist? Legally probably not.

Is he having sex with you and hand on heart thinks you actually want it? Probably not. I bet he's not actually thinking about that though, because if he was, he'd not keep on at you.

OP if you don't want sex, talk to him about it out of bed, tell him you don't like this pestering on Sunday mornings and then next time he does it absolutely put your foot down. He is not entitled to your body.

There is a violation of respect (at least) going on here. With regards the cake analogy above, it depends exactly how the asking was done, if it was a simple question, that's one thing, if the person took a finger of icing and was trying to put it against my lips and i was pushing them away, or turning my head away or trying to ignore them it would be different. If I felt I couldn't get angry with them because they'd be a PIA sulking for ages so just opened my mouth and ate the damn thing to get them to leave me alone, I'd have hardly enthusiastically consented.

So why does your DH want to have sex with you when you don't really want to? How can that be a turn on? And is he wanting to make love with you, or he's woken up horny and you're there? Sorry because it's not nice to think about, but it relates to respect. And while rape is a heavily charged legally, defined word, there are other things that happen that wouldn't make it to court, but also aren't ok.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 19/02/2018 04:43

Sex when you're sleeping? Sex when you have to be pestered into it? Sex you're only having because someone else wants it?

I really struggle to understand how you live with and love men who have so little respect for your bodily autonomy and enjoyment. Who knew that DH was a prince amongst men for only wanting enthusiastic, mutually enjoyable sex?

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 05:01

Well this escalated quickly ......

OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 19/02/2018 05:28

Well this escalated quickly ......

Of course it did. Happy?

OldBlueStitches · 19/02/2018 06:12

If you don't have a problem with your partner pestering you for unwanted sex, why did you post?

Shoxfordian · 19/02/2018 06:24

He bothers you every 15 minutes until you agree? Romantic. Hmm

He sounds like a sex pest; why doesn't he go away the first time you say no? He doesn't want active enthusiastic consent so he's not respecting your boundaries. I expect there's a lot of other ways he disrespects you as well..

MagicNumbers1234 · 19/02/2018 06:25

Has anyone rolled out the generic MN response yet: (all together now) "LTB" GrinWink
...OK, not really! Just growl at tell him to leave you sleep or else.

sexyegg · 19/02/2018 06:36

It didn't take long for the OPs husband to be declared a rapist, did it?

Situp · 19/02/2018 06:39

Maybe get him a Groclock?

carefreeeee · 19/02/2018 06:46

Wow some posters here really projecting onto the light hearted Op.

Are you all teenage girls who have never been in a relationship? Sometimes you do things that would not be your first priority to make the other one happy. This can include sex. Or going shopping or to see someone's boring relatives. You lot would claim it was abduction to be persuaded to see the inlaws.

Op just talk to him - can you make a bargain about another time to do it instead?

Shoxfordian · 19/02/2018 06:46

Didn't take long for him to be called a rapist because he's ignoring her boundaries and coercing her into sex where she only begrudgingly consents.

Booie09 · 19/02/2018 06:47

Tell him Saturday night not to wake you up or get up on Sunday and have a cold shower!! I hate morning sex...i like yo have a cup of tea before I attempt to do anything! I get the jokey thread OP.

FlouncyDoves · 19/02/2018 06:47

So the OP says it’s lighthearted, and then the militant ‘rape brigade’ arrive. Yawn.

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