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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
TheStoic · 19/02/2018 08:24

I can't believe people on here think if someone changed their mind after sex that makes it rape and they should report it. The is very worrying and dangerous.

Gosh that really WOULD be very worrying and dangerous. If anyone had actually suggested that.

Sallystyle · 19/02/2018 08:28

Tell him not to do it. Simple. Say ‘please don’t wake me on a Sunday, it’s my day to sleep in’. Or is this a stealth boast about how desirable you are?

The OP's story has changed somewhat. One minute he is pestering her, and she has tried talking to him and negotiating with him. The next she just needs to tell him to back off and he will. So who knows what is really going on.

OP, if he is pestering you and hasn't listened to you when you have talked to him about it then it is not lighthearted and it is very worrying. You don't have to put up with it or pretend that it's ok and just a little annoying.

I can't believe people on here think if someone changed their mind after sex that makes it rape and they should report it. The is very worrying and dangerous.

Who the fuck said that? Or are you making it up?

Sallystyle · 19/02/2018 08:31

You know women enjoy sex too? What is it on here? 100 years ago? Have any of you heard of equal rights?

I missed this. This thread is just odd. Is it always like this early in the morning?

GnotherGnu · 19/02/2018 08:31

Which one, Whatshall?

Jammycustard · 19/02/2018 08:32

This can’t be real.

Robin233 · 19/02/2018 08:33

My husband is a morning person and I am evening person - like the majority of couples. The best sex used to be at 3 pm .
But you compromise because you love each other.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 19/02/2018 08:33

Give it a rest its also common for plenty of women to have bf wanting morning sex I used to have it abd I said no!!

Honestly by dint of argument on here we can't talk about anything in case someone has it much worse? My husband keeps cooking me lovley meals. How dare you my husband is a feeder...

Branleuse · 19/02/2018 08:34

Youre not getting a bashing. Youre being told that your husband is unreasonable to be persistent when youve already said no.

I think he thinks you saying no is all part of the game and he has to win you over.

If you dont want him to keep waking you up for sex, then stop having sex when he wakes you up for it.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/02/2018 08:38

I guess my wife must be a bit rapey then, have lost count of the times I have been woken up with her wandering hands. Plenty of times I have not been in the mood and she has persisted till I have been arroused enough to go with the flow. I have said no in the past, last time being when I was so hungover sex probably would have resulted in me being sick on her.

SoupDragon · 19/02/2018 08:44

I guess my wife must be a bit rapey then

Only if she has a penis.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2018 08:44

" consent does not need to be enthusiastic, it just needs to be consent!"
Bloody hell, I hope this is not what you are teaching your children! For the record, what I am teaching mine is that you do not have sex with anyone who has not enthusiastically consented. And I also hope I am bringing them up not to want to have sex with anyone has given begrudging consent.

AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare · 19/02/2018 08:46

My husband is a morning person and I am evening person - like the majority of couples.

Same as us - didn't seem to be as much of a problem when we were ten years younger and a few children lighter ;)

Honestly by dint of argument on here we can't talk about anything in case someone has it much worse?

Its so tiresome - "x is a sensitive/sore subject for me". Well stop reading the thread, then. There are plenty of others.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/02/2018 08:48

Much prefer sex in the morning. DH prefers it in the evening. We both have sex when we’d rather not, because you know, we’re in a relationship, and adult enough to realise it’s a successful one is about give and take.

GrannyGrissle · 19/02/2018 08:50

Tell him to pull you nightie back down when he's done Grin

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 19/02/2018 08:51

Bertrand - "consent does not need to be enthusiastic, it just needs to be consent!" Bloody hell, I hope this is not what you are teaching your children! For the record, what I am teaching mine is that you do not have sex with anyone who has not enthusiastically consented. And I also hope I am bringing them up not to want to have sex with anyone has given begrudging consent.

I came on to say exactly this - have none of you sex-pest-apologists seen/read the news for the past couple of years?! The emphasis is on enthusiastic consent because it isn't enough for him to say "well she didn't scream,/kick me/knee me in the balls so she must have wanted it" even though she's asleep

Nyetimber · 19/02/2018 08:53

Blackout curtains to stop him waking so early is the way forward.

TieDyedBumhole · 19/02/2018 08:53

But only on a Sunday as the sun doesn’t bother him Mon- Sat remember.

wakemeupbefore · 19/02/2018 08:54

Thread about somewhat pestilent DH after sex on the only morning OP could sleep in has morphed into militant-feminists' playground. Again.

dontforgetto · 19/02/2018 09:06

This thread is grim. So many posters condoning/normalising the OP's DH pestering her for sex. This is not behaviour I would expect or stand for in a loving, respectful relationship.

Yes, sometimes we might choose to do something for our partner that we're not feeling too enthusiastic about (in or out of the bedroom), but the difference here is him pestering her until she makes that decision. That means he's fully aware that she doesn't want sex and is simply appeasing him. It's consent, sure, but not freely given.

As for the other poster's DH having sex with her while believing she's asleep! So much wrong with that scenario, not least the poster's attitude about it, which goes a long way to show how women are socialised into believing their bodies exist for a man's enjoyment.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2018 09:08

“hread about somewhat pestilent DH after sex on the only morning OP could sleep in has morphed into militant-feminists' playground. Again.”

Is it now “militant feminist” to expect both parties to consent to sex?

Rinoachicken · 19/02/2018 09:09

Glad it seems lighthearted to you. For many women it isn’t lighthearted, and they are genuinely in abusive relationships where their male partners will not take no for an answer.

This. I was raped by my husband for years. Took me far too long to realise it was rape. And even then it was actually the police who told me it was rape. He never beat me or held me down but it was rape nonetheless.

Very upsetting to read so many posters who would doubtless call me hysterical or overreacting or whatever.

iBiscuit · 19/02/2018 09:11

I doubt the most ardent anti-feminist would welcome sex with a pestilent husband at 6am, tbh.

pipandco · 19/02/2018 09:12

If seeing something alarming in someone pestering their partner for sex until they cave in without respecting their boundaries or comfort level and being concerned by those trying to normalise this behaviour makes me a militant feminist then I will gladly get a hat tshirt and handbag with those words printed on them in bright red lettering.

Side note - OP has since posted a bit more context. But the original post does not read nicely at all.

FlyingElbows · 19/02/2018 09:13

"militant feminist playground"? Yes girls do just sit down, shut up and be grateful he's interested at all!! Good God.

Op your posts read a bit like the married woman's equivalent of those god awful women who fawn over their sons' terrible behaviour with a dewey eyed "boys will be boys". The whole point of those who object to your stance is that that attitude does a dis-service to everyone. It is truly horrifying how many women still think they have to submit to a partner's desire for sex. If you want it then knock yourself out and have fun but don't write posts like your first one on this thread using the language you chose and then be surprised by people's reactions. Attitudes like yours set the social expectation of men that told my boyfriend it was OK to just go for it anyway. Do other women and our daughter's a favour and think first, eh?

zzzzz · 19/02/2018 09:14

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