To feel sad for new mums and all the scary comments?

[RelaxEnjoy]

I say this because I suffered terribly with antenatal depression, made horrendously worse by a lot of comments, such as...

"You'll always feel tired"

"BF is so difficult and sore but you'll get through it if that's what you want"

"You will never feel alone again"

Etc etc etc

Sleep deprivation being the biggest comments thrown at me

Here's my experience, expectant mums:

DS slept through from birth, and by 4 weeks was going 12 hour stretches. He still does this, I've never slept so much in my life. He's made me incredibly lazy

He had no issues latching on, and he was tongue tied. I didn't even have so much as a cracked nipple. It was bliss. I wasn't going to breastfeed, everyone made me feel like it would be impossible. I thought DS would sleep better on formula, so said to myself I'd only give him the colostrum. Well I carried on because it was so easy and convenient. Still feeding now

I always had relaxing baths during the early weeks! DS not only slept through but obviously slept a lot during the day because newborns are very sleepy. Whilst he done this, I would enjoy a hot soak in the bath 🛀

I have to schedule this more carefully now he's older as he doesn't nap as much, but I just give him to DH for an hour and have some time to myself.

He is with me all day and I'm rarely by myself, but I think that should be encouraged and natural. I think a DC should work as an extension of you. It isn't something to fear, it's lovely. It's a natural transition from bump to Mum.

I confronted all the commenters now, and remind them what they said to me whilst vulnerable and pregnant. They constantly move the goal post with things like "yeah but wait till". I no longer listen. Don't listen

I'm not saying everything will all go smoothly for you but if there are any hiccups, take them in your stride. Accept and go with it. Listen to your baby, listen to what they need and just go with it

Relax

Heating, even!

Goady. Especially if your experience is the complete opposite

As someone who has literally got the two pink lines for the first time ever today, I applaud your post op.

November that's not very nice, we all go through shite in life and experience things in different ways. Sorry you've had a bad experience with relating to other mums but congrats on your good sleepers!

Lui it isn't a goady post, really harsh for you to say that

I think later posters are possibly missing that for mothers who have sleep deprivation, sore nipples, difficulties adjusting to life on ML, lazy partners - none of that means that they don't think there is still wonderful stuff about parenting/their baby/being a mother.
You do not have to have a dream baby to love your child, but you can be realistic that it is (very) often hard, hard work too.

"It was like I wanted to be excited. But everywhere I turned there was someone else waiting to put babyhood down, in a weirdly gleeful and twinkly eye way"

Really. Funny - I hearjust as many women complaining that no-one warned them how difficult childbirth/caring for a newborn/parenthood in general would be. Personally I think we all just need to find a way of taking on board what we need to hear and discarding what we don't.

How old is your ds OP? I doubt it will stay all sunshine and daisies. Please do come back so we can laugh at you when you realise what an idiot you sound

pand Congratulations! I don't envy you being pregnant, because my personal experience of pregnancy is shite but most people I know have been fined

*fine

Children differ. My almost 4 year old still doesn't sleep through and comes in to wake us up at 2 am about 3 times a week. I also appreciate that some children are very placid but many are not. I wouldn't bother saying anything to new parents because it's the kind of thing you just find out for yourself.

Please do come back so we can laugh at you when you realise what an idiot you sound

That's just nasty

Lucky you!

Thanks Relax! It’s literally 2 weeks after o, so who knows what it’ll be like, but I feel dandy right now so am just going to assume dandiness will continue until forcibly reminded otherwise.

crosses everything

I'm always pleased if things go well for new mums, but your experience is not the average, sleep-wise.

Being a new mum can be really emotional time,you’re under scrutiny,it’s new
And imo you can be more sensitised to inane comments and “helpful” advice
These comments don’t cause pnnd.it isn’t cause & effect. But unkind comments do exacerbate feeling bad

Hearing how well your child slept would have made me definitely sink in to depression. I had a child who only slept for 20 mins at a time then would scream and who didn’t sleep for four hrs solid until 3 months.
Then when she did sleep the 4 hours she didn’t need naps. She was waking my second child up during the night as she didn’t need much sleep. She was over a year old then.
Second baby slept so well I took him to the doctor as i thought he was ill. Doctor told me he was normal it’s just my 1st child wasn’t.
She didn't sleep a full night until she was a teenager.

What’s not nice? I made tea, biscuits, cake and said lots of nice things to other people about their babies. What I didn’t do is tell them how well I was managing. The fact that sometimes it was like a scene of the 4 Yorkshiremen was something they seemed to get very enthusiastic about.

Christ alive, if I had a brand newborn baby sleeping for 12 hours, I wouldn’t be getting any sleep for the worry

November I meant it's not nice that you had to keep quiet about your experience! It's a shame you couldn't celebrate it

I'm due with DC2 in June and am hoping he will be a better sleeper than DD. I'm also very pleased it went so well for you, OP, but remember not everyone has the same easy-going babies/births/experiences as you are having.

Yes, as PP have said, it is lovely to be positive and not worry first time mums etc about the negatives of parenthood and babies, but it is also good to hear realistically just how hard it actually can be. Not all of us are blessed with such amazing sleepers, feeders, weaners or DC in general. Most are probably lovely, some hard work, and others just little brats. Yes, of course parenting has a lot to do with this, but so does personality, upbringing, general living conditions, mum's mental health etc too.

I'm glad you are having a marvellous time, but please feel some empathy for those who aren't. It might come across as a tiny bit smug to those who are having a hard time. Imagine if you have another DC who isn't as easy? Maybe you will look back and say you were very lucky!

I don't even have babies but my God you are a smug fooka.

Yes I know what you mean and I'm sorry you've had a hard time here.
I'm glad I had my first very young, long before I was on forums like this and went into it without reading all the 'harsh reality' stuff otherwise I'd have been anxious too!
I do have to choose my words very carefully when I want to reassure expectant mothers, for fear of being branded smug or given a hard time for speaking my truth.
For what it's worth, I slept much better after each pregnancy than during, and being able to sleep on my front again after so long is bliss! Despite so many people wisecracking that I would never, ever sleep again. I also have the same amount of time I did before, to brush teeth/get ready/go to the loo.

Oh, I did! Just not with other new mothers.

You do sound incredibly smug. I've never complained about my DC waking hourly at night for the vast majority of her life and only sleeping for 2 hour stretches after 9.5 months. Only waking 6 times in a 12 hour stretch feels like a luxury. But I expected to be sleep deprived, and it helps maintain my sanity knowing that it's perfectly normal and that I'm not alone.

I do agree that sometimes people make it feel like it's all doom and gloom, but boasting about how easy you have it is just as bad.

Bully for you, OP. I was also on the receiving end of these comments, but unfortunately the reality of recovering from birth, failed breast-feeding, post-natal psychosis, and general exhaustion, isolation and despair was far, far worse than I had expected at my gloomiest. I was Googling adoption services at 3 am, and thinking I had made the worst mistake of my life.

Which goes to show that everyone's experience is different. I wouldn't wish the first three months as I experienced them on my worst enemy.

I absolutely adore my my five year old, but never considered having another child.