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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving instructors no longer allowed to have sexual relationships with their 17 year old pupils

153 replies

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:04

I am shocked this was ever allowed. Not only are they in a position of power but the young person is shut in a car with them individually.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/02/2018 13:05

Tbf my first thought at your thread title was "Were they ever? WTAF?"

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 13:05

Never knew this was allowed either! Creepy.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:06

In fairness I suppose what they've done is close some sort of loophole. But it would seem incredibly inappropriate

OP posts:
Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 18/02/2018 13:07

Is that why there are so many seedy ones. Did they think it was a great way to meet teenagers? Gross

KanielOutis · 18/02/2018 13:07

I'm not surprised it happened, but it is an abuse of power and preying on the vulnerable. I'm happy it is now not allowed though.

LockedOutOfMN · 18/02/2018 13:10

Mine was gross. I stopped having lessons with him after 3 or 4 times as he just made me feel so uncomfortable. Bit awkward as he was recommended by my mum's friend (whose son had been taught by him). As an adult I've often wondered if I should've reported him.

Like other posters I never knew it was allowed!

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:11

What did he do?.

OP posts:
jedenfalls · 18/02/2018 13:13

There was one local to us who moved in with his 17yo pupil

Caused a huge scandal at the time.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/02/2018 13:14

Jesus! This wasn't illegal before?

Bananalanacake · 18/02/2018 13:15

But why should girls/women ever have to have a male instructor? Just ask for a female if it's a school or find an independent woman instructor like I did. There's plenty of good female instructors around. No need to bother with a male. Just don't trust them in an enclosed space.

Glumglowworm · 18/02/2018 13:16

YANBU

yes 17 year olds are above the age of consent, but a driving instructor is in a position of authority and trust, having sex sign pupils is an abuse of that position. Just like sixth form teachers aren’t allowed to have sex with their pupils.

I’m surprised it wasn’t banned before too

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:16

I had c male driving instructor. Like most men he was able to teach me to drive without being inappropriate. Why should I ask for a woman?

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 13:19

I only wanted a male instructor and had 3 different ones. None were inappropriate.

Dolphincrossing · 18/02/2018 13:20

Mine was awful. I remember hating my lessons so much.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:21

Well that's odd too, why did you want a male one and why did you end up having three

OP posts:
5plusMeAndHim · 18/02/2018 13:23

Last time I did my safeguarding training, sports coaches (unlike teachers) were allowed to have a relationship with a learner over teh age of 16. I wonder if that has changed then?

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/02/2018 13:23

I knew this was allowed. My driving instructor when I was 17 tried it on with me, despite having a daughter only a year younger than me at the time. He told me then it wasn’t illegal. I dread to think how many times he was successful in his attempts. Creepy fucking perv.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:24

Ugh. I'd assumed sports coaches too. In fact id have argued any one in a position of authority towards and under 18.

OP posts:
upsideup · 18/02/2018 13:25

But why should girls/women ever have to have a male instructor?

Thats completely other the top, there are plenty of really good and respectful male driving instructors. I wouldnt have a preference of what sex my driving instructor was, thats seems odd.
Its the same as why should girls/women ever have to have a male teacher? Thats a ridiculous idea...

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/02/2018 13:25

I should add, after he tried it on with me overly (in hindsight he had tried before, but more subtly, I was a little naive at the time) I ceased lessons with him and had 2 different males instructors. One I didn’t like the teaching style of, very brusque, so went to the third, who was a lovely bloke. Neither of them were inappropriate in any way though. Just the first one.

witchofzog · 18/02/2018 13:26

It might not be illegal but how about professional boundaries? This would not be allowed in most other professions just because someone is over the age of consent.

witchofzog · 18/02/2018 13:29

I must say I have had 3 male instructors. The first was a shouter but not inappropriate. The last 2 were older guys who were absolutely lovely. But it had crossed my mind that it would be easy to be taken advantage of. Especially when driving in isolated country lanes etc

Elendon · 18/02/2018 13:32

My driving instructor was lovely until he told me that if I wanted to pass the test I was to allow the man testing me to help put on my seat belt. I was very young and sure enough I allowed it - through gritted teeth. He lingered way to long over my breasts. I did indeed pass the test. This was decades ago in another country.

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 13:32

It's not really odd at all. First one was when I was 17 but couldn't get to grips with driving so gave up. Second one was in my 20s but he was a total nightmare (for reasons other than being inappropriate) so I had to ask for another instructor. Which is why I've had 3.

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 13:33

No need to bother with a male. Just don't trust them in an enclosed space.

You shouldn't put up with any inappropriate behaviour, or pay for a male instructor if you don't want one, but deciding that all men are a threat is ludicrous. It's your issue, not theirs, most of them are more pleasant and respectful than you are.

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