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Original poster

Driving instructors no longer allowed to have sexual relationships with their 17 year old pupils

153 replies

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:04

I am shocked this was ever allowed. Not only are they in a position of power but the young person is shut in a car with them individually.

OP posts:
duckingfisaster · 18/02/2018 13:34

No need to bother with a male. Just don't trust them in an enclosed space

Blimey. That statement makes me very sad and it isn't the first time on MN I've seen statements like that. Discriminating against people on the basis of their sex is wrong, it really is that simple. Also you can't make assumptions or discriminate on the basis of their skin colour, country of origin, religion, sexuality etc etc..(shouldn't need clarifying, but clearly does).

'Men' are not inherently bad or predatory or anything really, they are just people. Some people are bad yes but not trusting all men is really fucking awful, especially as they make up roughly 50% of the worlds population. The fact that my sons are growing up in a world where some women have this attitude (and I am hoping a small percentage, but still) is just horrible.

Graphista · 18/02/2018 13:36

My best instructor was male, worst was female (very aggressive and frankly bonkers).

On the one hand "why wasn't it illegal before" on the other, why does it NEED to be? (Yes I know why but you get what I mean - DECENT men don't need told not to be sleazy abusive exploitive creeps!)

I also worry that this type of man will see it as being "oh well but if she's 18 or older it's fine"

Footle · 18/02/2018 13:36

Why should male teenagers be exposed to possibly lecherous driving instructors either?

I know - let's try and educate all adults to respect all young people they come into contact with.

Andrewofgg · 18/02/2018 13:37

It's a technical loophole. I don't think it brings it within the criminal law about "abuse of power" - that's a limited list.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:39

Good question graph. I suppose the vast majority of people would know this is wrong without being told. The legal aspect backs that up and clarifies it for the people who don't get it!

OP posts:
Elendon · 18/02/2018 13:40

I know - let's try and educate all adults to respect all young people they come into contact with

Most driving instructors do respect all young people though no amount of 'education' on the subject will change this. Some do not and will exploit them - no amount of 'education' on the subject will change this.

Terftastic · 18/02/2018 13:40

I had a male driving instructor in his 50's when I was 17.

He made me very uncomfortable at times - pressing his leg against the gearstick/my hand when I was changing gears. I didn't feel remotely able to tell him to move his leg for some reason - I guess this is what creepy men rely on.

I remember thinking about it when I was older, and thinking "I'll make sure DD has a female driving instructor". And I will.

Situp · 18/02/2018 13:41

It is a weird position of power since driving is often more important to the pupil than a lot of other activities.

The day before my test I gave way to another car (which was the right thing to do). The other driver was black and my instructor said one of the most racist things I have ever heard in RL.

I was 17, alone with him, miles from home and desperate to pass my test so I didn't say anything. Luckily I passed and never had to see him again.

I imagine that had he done or said something sexual I would have also felt unable to reject it.

Very glad this loophole has been closed

Graphista · 18/02/2018 13:42

Shocking that it's necessary though.

Thislittlekitty - I think what people are finding odd isn't your having 3 instructors but your insistence they had to be male - what's wrong with female instructors as a whole?

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 13:43

Do you have to be over a certain age to be a driving instructor?

we are talking about seeing someone 1 hour or 2 a week. Thinking about it, what would be so wrong with 2 consenting people to have a relationship? You can get married at 16, can't you? So what is so wrong with a 17 year old and a 20 year old for example?

Sexual assault or rape is one thing, consenting relationship. I am not sure I understand the point of this restriction now.

Terftastic · 18/02/2018 13:46

I definitely see driving instructor in a position of power and trust - and thus relationships with pupils should be out of bounds. I was only 17, and I saw him as akin to a school teacher. ie. in a position of authority - I would have found it (and did find it) very difficult to challenge his behaviour.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:46

Well I'm wondering if she thinks men ate better drivers? And if so why she needed three of them :o

OP posts:
Graphista · 18/02/2018 13:47

You have to be 21 to be a driving instructor.

The issue is exploitation - the instructor is in a position of authority/power over someone who is still legally a child and is in a vulnerable position.

Do you have teens?

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:48

And they're shut in a car with you on a 1-1 basis. The power imbalance is huge

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 18/02/2018 13:50

This is grim.
I assumed it wasnt permitted for the same reason teachers or university tutors are not permitted to have a relationship with a student, or doctors or psychiatrists are no longer permitted to have a relationship with a patient.
Anyone else wondering how many more examples we have to find and make rules for? Confused

Silk29 · 18/02/2018 13:52

I reckon the pp suggesting these perverts see it as a way of getting close to teenagers hit the nail on the head.

One young woman I know had a driving lesson with a creep a few years back. She was early 20s, had never sat behind the wheel of the car and was understandably a bit nervous for her first ever lesson. The instructor told her he's trained in 'touch therapy' (wtf) and could help her. She immediately changed to a female instructor and had no problems.

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 13:52

Do you have teens?
yes, a bit younger, but that's what made me think about it.
Would I report a young man for dating my 17 year old daughter because they met when she started to take driving lessons? I honestly don't know, I am not sure. It would make a huge difference if he was 21, or 35 (don't get me started on a 60 year old)

Terftastic · 18/02/2018 13:53

The power imbalance is huge

Yes it is. The notable difference for me -- I would have had no problem at all telling a boyfriend to stop pressing a part of his body against me.

That's the difference between a social peer and a person in a position of authority over you (even if it's only a perceived authority).

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 18/02/2018 13:54

Think we need a new thread. How many driving instructors did you have? I had one when I was 17 just tried to get me to out with his layabout son so gave up. Another recommended by family was too impatient and 'shouty'. Third one was unreliable. So I Just picked one out of the yellow pages and passed. There you go. I had 4. Anyone had more?

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 13:54

Nothing to do with their driving well apart from the middle one who use to spend the lessons talking to his wife on the phone! (Hands free so wasn't sure if that was allowed or not) found out he was always late to my house as he would smoke in the car park before hand, and the final straw was not turning up for a lesson I had booked then claiming I hadn't booked it at all. But I was asked when calling if I would prefer a male or female instructor, do they not do that anymore? And I generally get on better with men so would chose a man over a woman if asked.

Graphista · 18/02/2018 13:55

Saska if true I find your attitude more than a little worrying.

You really don't see a problem in a 21 year old using a position of authority to sexually pursue a vulnerable, nervous 17 year old?!

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/02/2018 13:57

Saska

The driving instructor who tried it on with me was 47 to my 17. The second one was probably mid 50’s, the third early 40’s. I’ve never seen a driving instructor outside of their 30’s.

You could apply the same logic to NQT’s though - he’s only 21, why shouldn’t my 17 year old daughter him. It wouldn’t fly in a school setting.

Graphista · 18/02/2018 13:57

I suspect they ask that for precisely this reason - to give women learners the chance to ask for women instructors.

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 13:59

Graphista
it's interesting that I wrote "dating someone you met through lessons" but you translate it as "sexually pursue a vulnerable, nervous 17 year old".

17 year old can have consensual sexual relationships you know.

redexpat · 18/02/2018 14:00

Oh crap. This thread has just dredged up another #metoo from my memory. Ugh. Sad