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Original poster

Driving instructors no longer allowed to have sexual relationships with their 17 year old pupils

153 replies

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:04

I am shocked this was ever allowed. Not only are they in a position of power but the young person is shut in a car with them individually.

OP posts:
downthestrada · 19/02/2018 07:10

I stopped going to my first 2 instructors because of their sleaziness. One was a family friend! I couldn’t relax in lessons and actually learn, so it was a huge waste of money. Third instructor was really great though and I passed quickly.

I’m glad of this new change.

Pengggwn · 19/02/2018 07:13

Makes sense to me. At 18, a person can and should be able to have a relationship with whoever they want. At 17, if the instructor wants to ask the pupil out or make advances, he or she should stop teaching them to drive first. Fine by me.

OrangeCarpet · 19/02/2018 07:46

DH is a driving instructor. Like many other instructors at both schools and independents it is laid out in his contract with the learners what the expectations are of him and the learner. This includes behaviour and respect for boundaries of personal space within the car. He offers a home visit to all learners if they wish so that his learners and their family can meet him and go through his contract first before signing up. He allows learners to bring partners or friends along as a chaperone if they wish. One student even brings her child along because she’s a single mum and can’t get childcare and wouldn’t otherwise be able to learn. As with all walks of life, some driving instructors are abusive. Many are nice people who respect women and like their job.

SaskaTchewan · 19/02/2018 08:01

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Ghanagirl · 19/02/2018 08:03

terf
Couldn’t agree more!
I’m married to lovely man have beautiful DS and DD, also have some fab BIL’s male cousins etc. But I still don’t enjoy being in a car with a strange man is regaling me with tales of previous pupils who were “gagging for it” this was said to me on the 2nd day of my intensive driving course by male instructor aged around 40 whilst I was 20 and looked around 14!
Despite being a poor student I abandoned the course on day 3 after an enforced coffee break during which he told me about an older woman who was desperate and how he preferred them younger, pretty sure he was married😡

UpABitLate · 19/02/2018 08:32

"What strange paranoid lives some of you must lead. "

Did you even bother reading the post before you wrote that?

Vile.

Graphista · 19/02/2018 08:47

Haven't "twisted" anything 1 direct quote with my opinion it's out of order and factual comments that not everyone lives in areas where it's easy to get away from a sexual predator OR that everyone (regardless of upbringing) reacts in the same way.

Several pps have said they've found themselves in EXACTLY this situation and not known how to react.

The fact is (and the law now recognises this - the whole premise of the thread!) that 17 year olds trapped in a car with an older (usually male) instructor who is in a position of power/authority IS vulnerable to at the very least exploitation of not outright abuse

fatalAttractions · 19/02/2018 09:04

@UpABitLate

Yes. Did you think about why I'm so vile or was that a bit beyond you?

Maybe you think it's normal to live a life of paranoia. "Just don't trust them in an enclosed space." is a very strange view of the world as wouldn't be acceptable about any other class besides men.

Never trust a black person near a knife!

StrawberryMummy90 · 19/02/2018 09:11

My first male instructor was a creep. He would ask really personal questions. When I failed my test I saw it as an opportunity to stop learning with him and just lied and said I no longer want to learn how to drive and will wait for a few years.

He bombarded me with text messages and kept asking to meet up in person and that he wanted to talk to me ‘as a friend not as a driving instructor’ and that I was making a ‘big mistake’ etc.

I didn’t meet him and stopped responding to the messages, it was a really uncomfortable experience. A few days later I looked out my bedroom window and he was in the car with another student doing manoeuvres literally right outside my house.

I should of complained to the company but I was a teen and didn’t even think like that! Just ignored and after a while never saw him again.

Graphista · 19/02/2018 09:21

Fatal - if it's just "hysterical women" why has the law been changed? Surely if it's a rare occurrence down to just "a few bad apples" that wouldn't be necessary?

Terftastic · 19/02/2018 09:28

Orangecarpet, your DH sounds like a great driving instructor.

Shame so many of us have experience of the sleazy ones - there are obviously a fair few of them about - and how do we tell in advance? Before we put our daughters in a car with them? My sleazy driving instructor was recommended by a friend of my mum's - who knew him personally.

My sleazy driving instructor was also a bit of a Max Clifford lookalike, white hair, geeky face. In my mind now, (I learned to drive over 25yrs ago) he just is Max Clifford....

fatalAttractions · 19/02/2018 09:53

@Graphista

What? Please don't misquote me or attribute phrases to me that weren't mine.

I suspect that the law has been changed as it's seen that driving instructors are in a position of power similar to prison wardens and teachers and (not legally) Drs and other medical professionals.

Rare occurrences and a few bad apples are enough for a law. See also 'murder' and wearing armor in Parliament.

I haven't argued against the law and as someone who has to obey a similar law don't have a problem with it. I do take umbrage at comments like 'don't trust men in confined spaces' or 'don't bother with men'.

Terftastic · 19/02/2018 10:09

I do take umbrage at comments like 'don't trust men in confined spaces' or 'don't bother with men'.

Why?

Who are you to "take umbrage" with women who have suffered sexual assault, and who as a result, now don't trust men in confined spaces?

Graphista · 19/02/2018 10:49

I haven't done any such thing. I've summarised what you were saying using well known phrases.

Actually the law was changed as the issue was raised in parliament and TM requested an investigation/report (not sure what it would be officially called) and as a result of that to cut a long story short (because laws aren't made easily or quickly) the law has been changed.

It hasn't been done on a whim.

Graphista · 19/02/2018 10:53

"What strange paranoid lives some of you must lead. It's fuel for misogynists!"

Nope - just lives in which we've experienced repeated sexual harassment and assault usually from just before puberty (12/13 in my case) in some cases earlier, from a wide variety of men we thought/should be able to trust.

UpABitLate · 19/02/2018 10:58

@fatal

So you DID read the post before yours and still felt it appropriate to say women like her have "strange and paranoid lives".

She has every reason to be paraniod FFS. If she doesn't want to spend time in restricted spaces that she can't get out of easily with men she doesn't know then that's entirely up to her. Or should she force herself to, so that people like you won't point a finger at her and accuse her of what, being unfair?

Yes, like I said, vile.

Women and girls who have been abused have every right to avoid situations where they feel uncomfortable.

specialsubject · 19/02/2018 11:02

Long time ago, but I had a male instructor who I recall was almost paranoid about ensuring nothing in the conversation could be misconstrued. As an aside he also got the previous pupil to collect me, and then I drove them home. The idea was to not be scared about an extra passenger, although now I wonder if it was also to reduce the time when he was alone with me.

' don't trust any man' is hate speech.

UpABitLate · 19/02/2018 11:06

Hate speech?

It's hate speech for abused women to say they prefer to avoid 1-1 situations with men they don't know?

So DV shelters are hate organisations?
There's no reason for sex segregated spaces? Having them tars all men with the same suspicion and is therefore a hate crime?

Jesus some people have fuck all empathy. And are happy to, what, put women and girls at risk in order to prove some kind of point that NAMALT? Open up all women only places to men as well, because otherwise snoffair on the poor chaps?

Carriemac · 19/02/2018 11:06

I tried to book a very popular well known instructor for my 17 year old DD, he asked to meet her first for a coffee to 'get to know her'
I made a lame excuse and and found someone else.
later DD said her friend who was taught by him found him sleazy.
I flt uncomfortable about this but what to report?

UpABitLate · 19/02/2018 11:08

This comes on a thread where loads of women have said that yes they had creepy driving instructors and didn't know what to do about it Confused

Certainly there should be no rules against men with positions of influence, power, in a teaching or mentoring role, to make approaches to very very young women. 17yo. #metoo is a load of old bollocks, as well, obvously. Hate speech.

UpABitLate · 19/02/2018 11:12

specialsubject would you encourgae a 17 yo girl to go home with a man or group of men she doesn't know?

If not, why not?

GlitterBurps · 19/02/2018 11:12

My first driving instructor was horrible. He was recommended by an older school friend so I thought he would be ok. He was around 50, really fat and had a small car and would sit with his legs far apart and lean towards me so he was always touching me in some way. Every time I changed gear my hand would touch his leg because of how he sat and he wouldn’t move. My first lesson he took 15mins to teach me how to put a seat belt on, leaning across me to pull it across. He would put this political news station on in the car and interrogate me on my views of sex before marriage and similar topics. I was 17 and very shy and nervous and didn’t know what to say to my parents as he had met my dad to say hello and he thought he was really nice so I put up with this for a while. Then he had a minor prang with a lorry whilst driving me ‘somewhere quiet’ and I used that as the reason to not go back. He made me feel really uncomfortable and ashamed if I said I didn’t want to talk about sex during lessons.

SandAndSea · 19/02/2018 11:12

I learnt to drive at 17. By the time I was with him, he was engaged to a previous pupil (who had recommended him to me). I can remember having a crush on him (due to the nature of learning to drive with him - he wasn't even my type) and I honestly think I had a lucky escape.

theloniousmonk · 19/02/2018 11:17

I remember on my first driving lesson the driving instrustor asked which sort of bra I was wearing. I asked why he said because the wire from under wire bras could harm you in an accident. I said 'oh that's ok it is a soft cup bra' Luckily my parents could only afford 4 lessons so I didn't carry on - thank god!

GlitterBurps · 19/02/2018 11:23

He put me off driving for years until driving became necessary for my new job. I asked for a lady but there were none that covered my area. The man I got was young, extremely kind and respectful and never did anything to make me feel uncomfortable. When I was crying my eyes out with nerves on my test day he gave me a hug and held my hand whilst we waited but it felt safe like my brother or my dad.