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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 18/02/2018 22:30

Weird comment - almost sounds like you a trying to discourage anyone further coming forward.

Oh, please do explain this in more detail!

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 22:35

Lots of women at BAFTFA encouraging others to speak out - you never know it could be that women actually feel empowered rather than scaremongered into silence by comments like ' you are jumping on a bandwagon'.

You sound like a male sexual predator yourself using 'never be believed' to anyone else that speaks out in the future regarding Cox.

Pumperthepumper · 18/02/2018 22:46

You cannot be serious. I think it was pretty obvious from my post that I was agreeing how difficult it was for victims to come forward in the face of so much hostility from the public who will bend over backwards to defend men they previously admired. I think I used the phrase ‘brave’ did I not? Or do you seriously think these women face absolutely no backlash?

I also think it was obvious that these ‘’ marks indicate a quote. Not my words.

Please read my comment again and tell me where I said ‘never be believed’? I didn’t, of course, but you already know that.

I don’t even know what to say on ‘you sound like a male sexual predator’ after a comment about how brave abuse victims have to be and how difficult it must be to come forward.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 22:55

Excellent - glad to hear.

Pumperthepumper · 18/02/2018 22:56

No apology then?

yolofish · 18/02/2018 23:00

I read the story last weekend and then this weekend's revelations. Clearly he is an entitled mysognist scumbag, and it is all so depressing...
NAMALT, but really when you look at the world it seems as if MAMALT (most) might be more likely given a fair wind...

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 23:08

Indeed pumper - very sorry to have misunderstood your gist there and glad to hear your view.

Hygge · 18/02/2018 23:19

I heard this earlier on the radio.

It didn't give proper information though, just said that he'd stepped down amid allegations and Jo Cox's family were supporting him.

Which they have to do really, because of the children. They can't risk being unsupportive and losing contact with her boys, but you would imagine they have a lot more they would like to say about him privately.

I was finding it confusing as the reports seem short on information, but from what I can gather there is a police report from October 2015 which says he touched the woman inappropriately, grabbed her hips several times, pulled her hair, and forced his thumb into her mouth in a sexual way.

The woman who made this complaint accuses him of assault and battery, and he disputed and is still disputing her claims, calling parts of it a massive exaggeration. The report I found said that this claim has been dropped but it's unclear why. Her name has been redacted.

New York Times Report here

This complaint happened a month after he left Save The Children because of "inappropriate behaviour" when complaints were made against him by female members of staff.

Mail On Sunday Report here This report was in 2015.

There's a quote that says several women at Save The Children complained about Brendan Cox and nothing was done. When they threatened to make a fuss, Brendan Cox and someone called Justin Forsyth both resigned.

He had married Jo Cox in 2009 and she was killed in 2016, so you would expect her and by extension her family to be aware of the accusations, given that they were reported in the national press at the time. I wonder what was said by him to them at the time, and if this has some bearing on why they're standing by him now.

I hope if there are other women out there, they feel supported and believed about coming forward.

SmurfOrTerf · 19/02/2018 09:50

I think Jo's family are only standing by him, so they can have a relationship with the children.

beepthemeep · 19/02/2018 09:56

One has to wonder what sort of example he'll set those boys, if he thinks he can treat women like that, even whilst married. Are these real tears or crocodile got caught tears?

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/02/2018 10:07

One has to wonder what sort of example he'll set those boys, if he thinks he can treat women like that, even whilst married

That's the thing isn't it? Even if, at its most basic level, we give him the benefit of the doubt and say, let's suppose, it was mutual flirtation gone wrong somehow - he is still a massive twat for treating Jo, his wife, like that and trying his luck with other women. He still had no respect for the woman he claimed to love and chose to treat other women as 'fair game'. Which begs the question of his integrity - what else has he lied and cheated about?

Seriously, it comes to something when not even one of the supposed 'good guys' can be trusted. I'm disgusted, disappointed and saddened all at once.

Backenette · 19/02/2018 10:09

He grabbed a woman by the throat. That’s assault. He needs to be charged with assault.

If you grab someone by the throat you risk killing them. This was not a bit of drunken flirting, or low grade grim perviness - its violent assault and he should be charged

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2018 10:24

He was chief strategist of save the children when they published a report about the abuse of children by aid workers from charities like Oxfam. Save the children has been pushing this issue since the report was published a decade ago.

It was very convenient to get him removed from his position at Save the Children. I had heard about the reason for him leaving his position and my first thought was that the murder of his wife was linked to the work by save the children highlighting the issue of child abusers in aid agencies.

beepthemeep · 19/02/2018 10:27

So what are you saying, Want2B? That the claims are exaggerated?

CaraBosse1 · 19/02/2018 10:30

BCox has a son and a daughter.

nauticant · 19/02/2018 10:39

my first thought was that the murder of his wife was linked to the work by save the children highlighting the issue of child abusers in aid agencies

There's something wrong with your thinking. You need to get that looked at.

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2018 10:49

They are claims. It's up to the police to collect evidence and a court to determine if he is guilty. I just find it 'convenient' that's all.

There isn't anything wrong with my thinking. Abuse within the charity sector isn't new. It's been going on a long time and yes he does fit the mold of the charity employee who is exploitive. Save the children and the Salvation Army are both charities know for their efforts to curb exploitive people so the two don't fit well together.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 19/02/2018 11:08

Want to be, he has admitted it

WyclefJohn · 19/02/2018 11:20

@llijk Look at Thomas Jefferson. He wrote some brilliant enlightened things. He did some terrible things. I'll wager this mix is more the norm than the exception.

This I think is very wise. Although I'm no Christian, I think the Christian message is actually pretty wise on we're all sinners. Behind closed doors, I think most people have dark secrets, have behaved badly on occasions. No one is a perfect saint.

PS just reading about Hamilton and Jefferson, and they're great examples of this point.

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2018 11:38

Better to admit it and let the negative publicity move on. It's not good for him either way but worse for his family and future prospects to have this highlighted in the media.

derxa · 19/02/2018 11:47

Better to admit it and let the negative publicity move on. It's not good for him either way but worse for his family and future prospects to have this highlighted in the media. Are you for real?

beepthemeep · 19/02/2018 11:49

And what about the woman who was pushed up against the wall by this married father, his hand around her throat as he demanded to fuck her?

How do you think she should best move on, Want2b?

Or do you think she was just a plant by the same people who were desperate to take down the charity?!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 19/02/2018 11:58

For goodness sake, the man has accepted by way of an interview in a tabloid that he has behaved inappropriately as a base line - admitting the bare minimum. To the extent that he left save the children without partaking in the disciplinary hearing after 12 women had made separate complaints about him. Then a further woman in the US complained to the police.

These are matters of fact. How much more explaining away of this do we need to put up with

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 19/02/2018 11:58

This thread has taken a strange turn.

I'm not adverse to thinking strange things can happen when rich and powerful get found on stuff but he has admitted it to, there is no conspiracy here.

nauticant · 19/02/2018 12:00

I'm beginning to think Brendan Cox must be a mesmerist who only works on a subset of the population.