Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LondonHereICome · 18/02/2018 18:08

Don't know why everyone is so surprised

It's everywhere. Nothing different about this case

Shimmershimmerandshine · 18/02/2018 18:10

So you harridan old witches, let's leave good looking, long poor suffering BC alone, he is a widow and a father of two young children, and he runs a charity, so he MUST be a nice person......

At the risk of derailing charity itself needs to be re looked at.

MyLovelyHorseAndNewNameNow · 18/02/2018 18:34

grannytomine, I'm glad you aren't 'granny' to any of mine, frankly, with those extremely disturbing views about behaviour, blame, integrity and equanimity.

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 18:52

Don't know why everyone is so surprised

Me neither.
I find v odd how so many people are quite as astonished by this and other revelations.
Their lived experience must be very different from mind Hmm

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 18/02/2018 19:00

Mmm just seen a very uncomfortable interview with Jess Phillips telling is she is disappointed in her friend Brendan and almost congratulating him on standing down

Is Jess really going to claim this is he first she has heard of these allegations

MyLovelyHorseAndNewNameNow · 18/02/2018 19:03

Re Jess Phillips - echoes of Jo Swinson (Lib Dem Deputy Leader) and her fuck up with the Rennard disclosures and then that Hancock thing.

loonyloo · 18/02/2018 19:24

SersioulycanitgetWORSE It's infuriating - the story is on the website, but they're so vague on the details that it gives no sense of what he did. It's disgusting hypocrisy on the part of the Guardian.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 18/02/2018 19:37

Part of the reason the female, prison population is so low is because women get off with things a.man would be jailed for.

There was a case in Cumbria just a few weeks ago where a woman not only locked her partner in the house she glassed him in the face. THEN went onto shout help, help he's attacking me.

It had happened before and the guy had the.foresight to flip his camera to record because he knew as a man he'd be seen as the culprit.

She then went onto lie to the police (( clearly shows him walking out the back door and trying to get out the gate. She's running in front trying to stop him, blocking his way then goes onto glass him ))

She got off with it, she got a community service order and.a fine. The judge had the cheek to praise the.guy for speaking up for male victims of domestic violence. To add insult to injury she's still living in his house, rent free and he can't evict her. They don't have children.

We can't have our cake and eat it, my oh has been groped by a woman in front of our dc (( she grabbed him from behind when he bent to tie his laces )) he then got threatened by a gang walking past because he had the audacity to turn on her, apparently he over reacted Hmm

Equal rights should be equal for All, not equal when it suits us. It would be interesting to see the statistics if men started reporting every incident of unwanted attention and groping but let's face it, it wouldn't be taken seriously. They're years behind that sort of equality.

balsamicbarbara · 18/02/2018 19:40

Men have sex drives that can interfere with their judgment, a bit like our broodiness/PND/PMS. I don't know what the solution is though, maybe don't let men out in public unless they've sorted themselves out first!

Pumperthepumper · 18/02/2018 19:41

Part of the reason the female, prison population is so low is because women get off with things a.man would be jailed for.

How much higher would the female prison population be if this wasn’t the case, do you think?

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 18/02/2018 19:50

I've no idea pumper.

I do know my local paper isn't short of women being convicted of violent crimes yet getting off because they have children at home.

It's also not unheard of for women to turn a blind eye to sexual abuse and violence towards children yet it's rare they're convicted. My own mother didn't abuse me or my siblings, but she certainly didn't step in to stop the sexual abuse that went on under her roof commited by male and females........in fact she went out of her way to cover it up because she didn't want ss involved.

Her and a.close friend who knew of something's that had happened yet didn't report due to loyalty are as bad as if not worse than the ones crawling into our beds night after night (( and yes, I'm being deliberately vague ))

blackteasplease · 18/02/2018 19:50

I can't believe this as I really liked him!

MyLovelyHorseAndNewNameNow · 18/02/2018 19:53

Part of the reason the female, prison population is so low is because women get off with things a.man would be jailed for

Darwin Awards all round tonight.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 19:53

Loony the guardian are well known for it...

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/02/2018 19:55

This has had loads of attention , it’s depressing as hell
I am also left wing and I deplore his behaviour and feel very sad about it. She and her kids deserved better than a entitled arrogant pervert

UpABitLate · 18/02/2018 19:56

Part of the problem...

How large a part I wonder...

Are women being given community service for rape and murder while the poor men get clobbered for it Sad

Butterymuffin · 18/02/2018 19:57

It would be interesting to see the statistics if men started reporting every incident of unwanted attention and groping

And if women also started reporting every instance of this, then we'd be on a level playing field. And I strongly suspect the number of offences committed by men would still be way out in front.

Fosterdog123 · 18/02/2018 19:59

Balsamic - you've got to be kidding, right? You're actually saying that men should have a wank before venturing outside incase the sight of a woman turns them into an out-of-control rabid dog? God fucking preserve us if that's how you really think.

blankpieceofpaper · 18/02/2018 20:01

Looking through it, I think this has become a case of 'whataboutery'

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/whataboutery

An example would be to point out the atrocities committed by (for example) Israel in any conflict. The response - What about the Muslims?They're just as bad/ even worse/ whatever.

And so sadly, it goes on:

International Women's Day. What about one for men?! (There is one btw, but no-one ever knows when I say about it)

Discussion about women and domestic abuse. What about men who suffer from domestic abuse.

Discussion about foreign aid. What about the poor people in our country?

And so here - what about female sexual abusers or predators? Well yes, but ... the facts have been stated quite clearly.

You can explore, stand for or occupy various points on an issue. You can say it simply: More than one thing, more than one bad thing is happening in the world. One does not negate the other.

Using one, however, to try and avoid an issue or switch blame is pointless.

UpABitLate · 18/02/2018 20:03

I don't agree with balsamic

I don't think men having a wank before they go out would stop them if they enjoy molesting children / exposing themselves to women / whatever.

Pumperthepumper · 18/02/2018 20:04

ItsAllABitStrangeReally I’m really sorry that happened to you, how horrific that the one person who was supposed to protect you was the one who failed you. I truly am sorry, and I hope you have help in place to come to terms with what happened Flowers

With regards to ‘women are just as bad as men, they just get off with it’ - it’s just not true. We have loads and loads of evidence to show perpetrators of crimes and overwhelmingly the number of sexual crimes and violence-related crimes are committed by men.

And while I’m sure that some women get an easier time from courts, I’m also certain that some men do to. Look at John Warboys, Ched Evans, Oscar Pistorus....

If men feel like they are getting sexually assaulted or are the victims of inappropriate sexual behaviour on anywhere near the same scale as women then they need to start reporting it like women had to - they need to fight for the right to be taken seriously like women had to. I am certain that sexual assault doesn’t happen to men on the same scale as women but I’m happy to read some facts or reports if you find any.

Did your husband report his assault?

ourkidmolly · 18/02/2018 20:20

I wonder if Jo had any idea of the type of man she was married to? I suppose we'll never know. He's sullied her legacy and memory unforgivably but that's secondary to his attacks on these women. Attempted rape and throttling a women, is that attempted murder? Is he actually safe to parent? I'm appalled and disgusted, clearly he's no understanding of the gravity of his crimes.

balsamicbarbara · 18/02/2018 20:21

Hmm, I just think a lot of the problems men cause is due to their sex drives and testosterone. Men who have just had it away are not the ones out fighting or pillaging and a lot of them are too weak willed or stupid to ignore their urges it seems.

balsamicbarbara · 18/02/2018 20:22

Also you rarely see women doing the stupid crap men do so there must be some biological basis for such stupidity. What else but testosterone if we have the same brains biologically?

IrenetheQuaint · 18/02/2018 20:26

Barbara - how do you account for the millions of men who aren't getting any sex, sometimes for years, but somehow manage not to rape, murder or assault anyone?