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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lost the will to live

406 replies

lovelystar · 18/02/2018 03:15

Someone please give me some advice or something, anything to take my mind of how fuming I am.

I am being induced tomorrow at 11am, boyfriend went for a pint with a friend, fine, said he'd be back by 12, fine, gives me a chance to bath/clean/chill.

It's now 3am he has just stumbled in absolutely steaming, rang the doorbell constantly, waking me up even though he had his keys on him. He's been sick in the bedroom/bathroom knocking everything over. To top it all off I'm now on the sofa as he's diagonal across the bed snoring his head off and he's far to heavy for me to move him.

You know any other night I may have found it slightly amusing and left him to it. I just wanted tonight of all nights to not be woken up and kept awake and having to get up early to clean up all his sick before I come home with the baby. He will be a nightmare to get up in the morning and I don't think I can face the dramatics and moodiness of him when I have to get up and go and have a baby.

Would I be a complete bitch if I left him to it and went and had the baby myself and made him regret it for a long time. Or is that a step too far? It's my first baby and a high risk pregnancy. Sorry for the rant it's early/late and I'm angry.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 18/02/2018 09:55

Oh my. I’ve read some pretty shocking things on Mumsnet in my time but this is one of the worst. What an incredibly awful thing to do to you.

Anyway, time to focus. Get your friend to come along for support. You can do this yourself. Good luck xx

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 09:57

Unacceptable.

That stated, maybe he panicked about the arrival of the baby and ended up drinking too much. I am not saying that he's right or forgivable in any way, just that maybe it wasn't because he ignored the baby but freaked out.

I hope he mans up when the baby is here!

rollingonariver · 18/02/2018 09:57

Op you do not want a hungover and selfish man with you while you give birth. It'll make everything 100% worse.
I would go to the induction on my own and send him a text to say that the house needs to be spotless by the time you get home with baby or you're not coming back to that house and you're leaving him. That's fucking disgusting and he expects a 40 weeks pregnant woman to tidy up after him. It'd be a deal breaker for me op. He's clearly selfish and it will not get better when baby gets there. I feel so sorry for you and I hope it all sorts itself out. Good luck with your beautiful baby.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 18/02/2018 10:01

OP do you have a mum or sister for support. Can your mum or sister go round and help him clean up while the other looks after you.

I really don't think you should let this slip out to midwives etc unless you genuinely have no choice but to return to him.

pollythedolly · 18/02/2018 10:01

Good luck OP. Hope all goes well. Focus on you and baby and please update us ThanksThanksThanks

Sparklesdontshine · 18/02/2018 10:02

Stay strong, and good luck Flowers

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 18/02/2018 10:03

This would be a deal breaker for me, honestly. I would end it now. I have a lower tolerance than some on MN for this shit but doing this the night before your partner is induced with a high risk pregnancy is IMO unforgivable.

It's funny, OP is about to be a mum, and yet nobody is giving her license to make a horrendous mess and trouble. I think men do this because they can, honestly. Because it gets tolerantly winked at with all this "well it's not ideal, but he's about to be a father, poor lamb needs tolerance and understanding" bollocks. Being a parent of any stripe is about setting your own wants and wobbles aside and stepping up for someone else. He's failed at that in truly spectacular style.

Definitely go without him OP and take your friend if that would make you feel better. Like PPs I actually would have been fine giving birth alone, I was able to focus intensely on what I needed to do. I love my DH but frankly when I was in labour he was a bit in the way and annoying! I felt like I had to give him stuff to do when really all I needed was to be left alone to get on with it.

I hope you have a lovely squishy newborn in your arms soon.

snewsname · 18/02/2018 10:05

Concentrate on your new little person and try not to let him spoil the occasion even if he turns up later. You can deal with all that later. Now try and get yourself in a happy place with your baby and friend. Can he come asap? I'm sure he won't mind if he's surplus to requirements later, or he can stay even if dp does show up. Serve him right to have to share the birth.

SaskaTchewan · 18/02/2018 10:09

This would be a deal breaker for me, honestly. I would end it now.

you would get a divorce because of one night? Really?
If your relationship is that fragile, why would you even have a baby together in the first place.

ChasedByBees · 18/02/2018 10:10

I know he will be pretty much impossible to wake and if I do he will be horrible and make me feel like shit about it so not bothering.

This is awful.

I’m holding back as induction is a time when you need to be positive in mind and he’s not helped.

Don’t think about him now. You’re about to welcome your child to the world and however things end up, they will have you as a Mum and you sound strong and capable. You’ve got this.

CheeseAndBeans · 18/02/2018 10:10

Oh op, that’s terrible. What a selfish, horrible bastard.
In my experience induction can take a while. If I were you, I would go to the hospital and get the process started. If he is any kind of human being he will show up with his tail between his legs.
Having followed your previous thread, what happened to going back with your Mum? If he can’t change the night before your baby is going to arrive, he never will. I know it’s hard but you need to put yourself, and your little one first. Flowers

ChasedByBees · 18/02/2018 10:11

SaskaTchewan it’s not about anfragility of a relationship, it’s about the level of respect and caring shown to a partner. Now on this thread is not the time to spell it out though as OP needs to be calm and centred for the birth.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 18/02/2018 10:13

you would get a divorce because of one night?

Yes. Because it's never "just one night". It's always part of a pattern of self absorption and immaturity. OP has already mentioned that he has form for this, that he is horrible the next day rather than cringingly apologetic, and that this behaviour deeply upsets his family.

And it's what that one night represents. A complete and total failure to recognise that the one who needs support is OP, and that it's his job to give it. It's not something the kind of man I would want as a partner would do. It's not something I'd ever have to ask DH not to do, because the idea that he would go out the night before I was induced, much less go out and get trashed, would never ever enter his head.

EmmaJR1 · 18/02/2018 10:16

Good Luck today @ChasedByBees - today isn't the time to consider your relationship that can be done later.

Just concentrate on the safe arrival of your lovely baby. We are all here supporting you.

Please know that it isn't normal within a loving relationship for someone to make you feel bad because they have behaved badly. This above all else touched a nerve for me.

Marley45 · 18/02/2018 10:17

Good luck OP. Time to focus on meeting your new baby x

cardoon · 18/02/2018 10:17

He is showing you that he is not someone you can depend on.

Good luck for tomorrow Flowers

Nannyplumbrocks · 18/02/2018 10:21

Op I wish you all the best today. Go to the hospital and put him out of your head as much as possible. Concentrate on you and baby. I would be bordering on leaving him for this because I honestly dont think I could get over that. Is it your 1st child? Call someone to be with you but leave him to wake in his own filth realising what hes done. All the best to you and baby

Saffronwblue · 18/02/2018 10:21

Good luck OP. Focus on your precious little one. Once you are home and recovered from the birth, then think about eliminating the manchild from your life. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

IceBearRocks · 18/02/2018 10:21

You'll have all of us there.... Mumsnet loves a live birth thread!!!

ineedaholidaynow · 18/02/2018 10:23

OP I am sorry you are going through this with your DP.

Good luck for today. I hope you can have someone supporting you.

Can I just ask the person who suggested that either your mum or sister went to your house to help your DP clear up his mess, why should he have help? It was self induced, why should another woman have to go and help him clear up? If he needs help maybe one of the mates he was out with the previous night could help

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 18/02/2018 10:25

It’s awful what he’s done truly, and I totally feel for you. But if it was me, I would go alone, and then contact a close friend / family member of his to get him to sort himself out and get there. So you can at least say you tried. Flowers

Alwaystired122 · 18/02/2018 10:27

Good luck for today.

Forget about your selfish partner and concentrate on the wonderful baby you’ll soon have in your arms xx

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/02/2018 10:28

Good luck today op. He's an arseSadFlowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/02/2018 10:31

Good luck for today Sweet, keep moving around for as long as you can, up and down the ward, if you are able. It always worked for me. You'll soon be holding your precious little baby.
I'm with @Andrewofgg on this one, if he can do this now, and has history, not much chance of him changing.

JanetStWalker · 18/02/2018 10:32

Best of luck, OP. You deserve better Flowers

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