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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lost the will to live

406 replies

lovelystar · 18/02/2018 03:15

Someone please give me some advice or something, anything to take my mind of how fuming I am.

I am being induced tomorrow at 11am, boyfriend went for a pint with a friend, fine, said he'd be back by 12, fine, gives me a chance to bath/clean/chill.

It's now 3am he has just stumbled in absolutely steaming, rang the doorbell constantly, waking me up even though he had his keys on him. He's been sick in the bedroom/bathroom knocking everything over. To top it all off I'm now on the sofa as he's diagonal across the bed snoring his head off and he's far to heavy for me to move him.

You know any other night I may have found it slightly amusing and left him to it. I just wanted tonight of all nights to not be woken up and kept awake and having to get up early to clean up all his sick before I come home with the baby. He will be a nightmare to get up in the morning and I don't think I can face the dramatics and moodiness of him when I have to get up and go and have a baby.

Would I be a complete bitch if I left him to it and went and had the baby myself and made him regret it for a long time. Or is that a step too far? It's my first baby and a high risk pregnancy. Sorry for the rant it's early/late and I'm angry.

OP posts:
froggybiby · 18/02/2018 09:03

That's very immature of him. I hope everything goes well with the birth. At what time are you going in? Induction can take A while.

FrozenMargarita17 · 18/02/2018 09:03

I would do it alone. What an arsehole!!

KathyBates · 18/02/2018 09:05

Good luck today OP ThanksThanksThanks

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 18/02/2018 09:07

Good luck today, OP!

Bowerbird5 · 18/02/2018 09:09

I too think he had a wobble last night but no need to get that drunk.
DON'T clean up his sick. Leave him a note.

I had one of my babies almost entirely on my own. He walked in just as baby arrived. He was away working. I found it ok actually. I could focus really well on myself with midwives help when needed. It was actually now I think about my easiest birth...I wonder if that was why.
You could take friend on early part. They don't have to look. Can stay up head end and look at you or wall.
Good luck pet. He will feel really shit if he misses it and everyone will ask adding to shitty feeling. I wouldn't wake him just leave the note. If he sobers up and goes ok if not his own fault.

Quartz2208 · 18/02/2018 09:12

Leave a note and go in. It will be much easier on you. I gave birth to DS by myself (no fault of DH) and I found it easier.

LampShadeHeid · 18/02/2018 09:13

Hope today goes well!

feska5 · 18/02/2018 09:18

Feel for you lovelystar. 💐. DO NOT clean up his mess. If he wakes up then fine. If he doesn’t then leave him a note. Concentrate on you and your baby 💐. Good luck today. Don’t forget to let us know when baby arrives.

edwinbear · 18/02/2018 09:18

I had DC2 on my own, but because DH was looking after DC1 not because he was hungover. It was actually a much better birth than DC1's because I was able to completely focus on giving birth. Midwives were an amazing support.

SunnySeaShell · 18/02/2018 09:20

Oh gosh OP, I would be absolutely FURIOUS and I'm not usually furious over drunkenness easily!!

Good luck today OP, let us know how you get on Thanks

Slanetylor · 18/02/2018 09:22

Best of luck today. Wake him, you will only feel worse if you don't. Unless he is genuinely not functioning at all. Wake him and tell him that for the next 70 years you will be telling your child the story of how they were born. It's his choice how his role will be described. Tell him you are livid and are heading into one of the most important days of your life. You don't care if his head is splitting with pain, he will work through it with a supportive smile on his face.

I would be beyond angry but I'd save it for a few weeks time. Keep your energy now for the birth.

PeppermintPasty · 18/02/2018 09:25

My ex did this. He did his very best to sabotage my pregnancy.

I gave him several chances. I wish wish wish I hadn't. I even went on to have another child with him. Disaster.

Moral of the story-in my experience if they're doing this extreme stuff at these important times (never mind 'normal' times), they will never ever change and will only get worse.

Please stay safe, tell people, and good luck with the induction.

ElsieMc · 18/02/2018 09:39

Go in by yourself. You need to concentrate on yourself and your new baby not worry about this poor excuse for a man. It will end up all about him. If he comes to the hospital with you, chances are he will reek of alcohol and spend his time puking again. Staff may ask him to leave.

Concentrate on yourself and put him out of your mind. Let your family and friend know what has happened though as you will need support. Good luck.

Worldsworstcook · 18/02/2018 09:39

Will you comeback and update us OP? Hoping he will step up to the mark and sober up quickly, mind you if he's feeling green, watching an alien squeeze it's way out of your incredibly stretching bits may not be the best hair of the dog.

I hope you weren't relying on him to drive you.

SunnyCoco · 18/02/2018 09:40

For the love of god DO NOT clean up his mess.

Have a relaxed morning as possible and don’t give him a second thought

Best of luck x

Worldsworstcook · 18/02/2018 09:41

On the plus side, you're pissed off and rightly so. First labours can be long and lengthy so by the time your LO arrives he could be by your side acting as a normal and regretful human being.

Original poster
lovelystar · 18/02/2018 09:43

Thank you for your replies everyone! I've had a lovely 2 hours sleep and everything looks so much worse in the day light Sad. He has had a habit in the past of going out and getting in some states and not coming back but I honestly thought from the bottom of my heart that tonight he would be ok, because he does know how to be sensible when he wants. Our relationship hasn't been great this entire pregnancy and there have been times I've nearly walked away, wether this is the final straw I don't know.

He doesn't have a great relationship with his mum who doesn't even really like me that much but is close to his grandparents but don't want to upset his nan with it and she get a so upset when he's like this. I'm not in the mood much for speaking to people or explaining anyway so think I will go up on my own and see if he shows later. I know he will be pretty much impossible to wake and if I do he will be horrible and make me feel like shit about it so not bothering.

I will let you all know how things get on, I am still very excited to meet my little one and hopefully things aren't too long Smile

OP posts:
52FestiveRoad · 18/02/2018 09:46

Good luckFlowers Hope it works out whatever you decide about him, but you will have your lovely new baby by then!

ajandjjmum · 18/02/2018 09:47

Good luck lovelystar - hope babystar is with you safely before too long.

edwinbear · 18/02/2018 09:49

Put him to the back of your mind right now. Focus on your beautiful new baby!! Best of luck, I really hope it all goes smoothly Flowers

hmmwhatatodo · 18/02/2018 09:49

Good luck op. Clear him from your mind now and don’t let anymore thoughts of what has happened enter your head. Focus on the task ahead. If you ask your friend to go with you is it likely you will spend the whole time in discussion about what has happened and therefore put a bigger dampener on things? Maybe best to go alone and try to think positive thoughts?

Oldraver · 18/02/2018 09:50

Good luck star Flowers

Awrite · 18/02/2018 09:53

Good luck Lovestar. My Mum was my birth partner for dc1. A lovely calm experience. Well, looking back anyway. Wink

TheHobbitMum · 18/02/2018 09:53

Good luck Flowers

Andrewofgg · 18/02/2018 09:54

My apologies on behalf of my gender. What a total, total arsehole.

Good luck and Flowers - and tell him to pack his bags. He is no use to you.