to have lost the will to live

[lovelystar]

Someone please give me some advice or something, anything to take my mind of how fuming I am.

I am being induced tomorrow at 11am, boyfriend went for a pint with a friend, fine, said he'd be back by 12, fine, gives me a chance to bath/clean/chill.

It's now 3am he has just stumbled in absolutely steaming, rang the doorbell constantly, waking me up even though he had his keys on him. He's been sick in the bedroom/bathroom knocking everything over. To top it all off I'm now on the sofa as he's diagonal across the bed snoring his head off and he's far to heavy for me to move him.

You know any other night I may have found it slightly amusing and left him to it. I just wanted tonight of all nights to not be woken up and kept awake and having to get up early to clean up all his sick before I come home with the baby. He will be a nightmare to get up in the morning and I don't think I can face the dramatics and moodiness of him when I have to get up and go and have a baby.

Would I be a complete bitch if I left him to it and went and had the baby myself and made him regret it for a long time. Or is that a step too far? It's my first baby and a high risk pregnancy. Sorry for the rant it's early/late and I'm angry.

You sound so incredibly strong, you really are doing the absolute best for your little boy by leaving this tosser

OP
Did your partner have the place clean and tidy for you when you got home with your lovely new baby ?

lovelystar I was completely swept away by how much love filled my heart when ds was born. I kept expecting that feeling to wear off, but actually, it was months and years, not days or weeks!

And I still get that rush of love and joy when he’s all snuggled up asleep or does something so adorably unconsciously cute, and he’s a big gangly often stroppy 8 yr old!

Honestly, the first two years were one massive high for me, it sounds very weird to mix drug references with the purist thing in my life, but I can’t find another way to describe it - the best high I’ve ever had, ever ever ever!!! And no hang over:) oh except the whole worry and guilt thang, I guess the sudden weight of responsibility is the flip side?!

I remember the massive rush of love that got triggered when I held DS, smelt his little gorgeous head, when he fed, when he was milk drunk, when his little bleary eyes focused on me etc etc etc...

Basically anything would set me off! Switch was lucky really, I think it was meant to be like that, as it got me through the insane sleep deprivation, as he had silent reflux and didn’t sleep properly for months! But... I didn’t mind half as much as I should have done, as I was blissed out so much!

Anyway, don’t worry about the overwhelming joy/ love/ fun feelings wearing off quickly, as they’ll probably hang around for quite a while. It sounds like you are really ready to be a mum and you should just concentrate on enjoying it all, and having fun with all the newness of it all... even the exploding poos and other bodily fluids don’t seem quite as gross as you’d think when it’s your gorgeous squishy baby that’s making them!

@Lovelystar
My little one is four already and those feelings haven’t faded yet. They just surge up every now and then when you are watching them do something so very ordinary and want to just pause that moment to fully savour it for a minute or two before pressing play again.

Please, will someone invent a life remote control soon!!!

My DS (14) was dancing in the living room yesterday and I had that same surge!

My eldest has just turned 16 and still love the bones of them. That feeling has never faded with all 3 of mine OP.