Bloody dh, aibu?

[FlopsyMcDoodle]

Staying with my dm at the moment - 2 dc’s 5yo and 2yo, both obsessed with trains. My dm doesn’t really have any kids stuff around and her house is very much an adults house - lots of ornaments, breakables, lovely furniture, generally just fairly stressful with 2 young dc.

She dug ou a few toys that my siblings and I had left - dolls house, bit of brio and my dbro’s old electric trainset. Dc2 has been loving the trains from the electric trainset but keeps getting cross because they don’t connect properly. They’re only really designed to stay together on the proper track which is too fiddly for dc2. He kept getting cross so I said I’d put it away and get it out again when he’s older. I haven’t seen it for a couple of days so assumed either dh or dm had put it back in the loft. Dm asked me where it was today, I said I didn’t know, dh said ‘oh I threw it in the bin.’ Dm then went rummaging through the bins but bins collected yesterday and looks like they’re gone .

Dh hasn’t apologised and doesn’t see what the problem is. He thinks it’s just junk so he threw it away. Dm is upset but wouldn’t say anything. Aibu to think dh has been really fucking rude? You don’t just chuck away other people’s stuff because it’s annoying your kid. I’m bloody mortified and think he needs to apologise and replace it.

@kaytee87 that's horrible! I hope op tries to ensure that this never happens to dc's things, they would be more devastated than her poor mother.

And this is why I love Mumsnet; thanks to @TaliZorahVasNormandy my vocabulary continues to expand... steaming twatsack

Oh yes Mumsnet is great for expanding the vocabulary. I never knew the word batshit until I read it on here.

Good point @Kaytee87 - this man may well decide to destroy or dispose of his DCs' toys, which will hurt them dreadfully. OP, really, have a think about whether you want to stay with someone this arrogant and unkind.

Gummy Goddess - Good point about the "D"H possibly throwing out the DC special things. That would be cruel. This is cruel to the DM of the OP. There has been no mention of Dear Father of OP so I have presume DM is a lady living alone. So the "D"H is upsetting an older lady living alone? Great tactic NOT. The DBro probably does not know yet. Perhaps he will not be happy with BIL I wonder if "D"H will be quite as dictatorial and bullying with the DBro as he has been with the DM OP and DCs

Op, I'd be furious that he'd thrown it out and then refuses to apologise. He sounds like a massive cockwomble!

My dm is on her own as my dad died a few years ago.

I really don’t think dbro would be upset about trains being gone as he’s probably assumed they were binned years ago. If it was me though I’d be pissed off if I find out they’d been kept only to then be binned by someone else. Dbro doesn’t have kids yet but would’ve loved to play with them with my dc’s when they’re a bit older.

This is the latest in a very long line of apparently thoughtless behaviour from dh. Thanks for all your comments, it’s given me lots to think about.

Whatever his opinion of the trains, whether he believed them to be worthless or not, what on earth made him think he gets to make decisions about you rmother's possessions. Does he go round other people's houses throwing away things he thinks are rubbish - if not, ask him why not? Is it because he knows that would be completely unacceptable? Andi fhe knows that, why does he believe he can treat your mother this way ?

If someone hurt and disrespected my mother in that way I would want nothing more to do with them.

Your Mother has been with you all your life, your H is hopefully just passing through, if he's keen on ditching rubbish he can do your family a favour and start with himself.

What an absolute bastard.

Lack of attachment to stuff is irrelevant. Not his stuff. He threw away someone else's possession in someone else's house. He has absolutely no idea how to behave, no manners, and no respect for other people.

So then he comes on here and makes misogynist comments instead of apologising to you and your mum.

He's just a thick oaf OP. I am genuinely horrified you are married to such a poor specimen. Why on earth are you with him?

That’s really weird behaviour. Sort of verging on worrying, even. Like he doesn’t understand emotional attachment or something.

apparently thoughtless behaviour

Yes indeed. I’d reflect on the “apparently” bit of it, myself.

As I said, I don’t know how you’d manage a long-term relationship with someone who could never apologise or admit being wrong sometimes.

To err is human...

Even if he can't understand the concept of emotional attachment, why does he find it so difficult to understand the concept that you don't throw away other people's possessions? Or indeed that if you have upset someone, however unintentionally, you apologise?

Your husband is out of order.

For one you don't visit someone's house and throw their stuff away.

If you've upset someone in this way, even unintentionally you should apologise. It would cost him nothing to apologise to your mother.

This isn't about "stuff", this is about someone who thinks he has a right to be in someone else's personal space and decide what they can or can't have. To me that belies an arrogance that is breathtaking. I could not tolerate someone who has that little respect for others, never mind family.

Id be utterly enraged if i were your dm. How dare he throw anything of hers or indeed anyones things apart from his own

He’s a git OP.

What a horrible cunt he is.

This is the latest in a very long line of apparently thoughtless behaviour from dh. Thanks for all your comments, it’s given me lots to think about.

If you've been putting up with a lot of crap like this, I hope you're now thinking you're not going to put up with any more of his arrogant knobhead behaviour.

You deserve better.

If this is the latest in a long line, as you say, then I agree that you have a fair bit of hard thinking to do, as does he, if he doesn't want to find himself out on his ample arse.

Colour me unsurprised that there have been a lot of similar incidents in the past. People don't suddenly decide to do something as shitty as this when they have always been pleasant and reasonable before.

Can't your mum get the train to see you?

And would your H actually go into someone else's house, see something not perfect, and throw it away? He thinks that's ok??

If he were my son-in-law he'd have had more than a flea in his ear.

Unforgivable.

This is the latest in a very long line of apparently thoughtless behaviour from dh. Thanks for all your comments, it’s given me lots to think about.

Take care OP. You do deserve better. Just be aware that when you join the dots, you may see a pattern of behaviour that you really don't like and that shows you a very different person from the one you thought you were with.

My DH might do this with my things. I have retrieved cards from the recycling before that he's chucked out and he'd say 'they were just taking up space, you were never going to look at them again.' I find it weird that they dont appreciate sentimental value but it's the refusing to acknowledge that others are different that's really out of line.

Throw something that he values in the bin, that might teach him empathy.

I'd guess your dm probably already has an opinion formed of your dh op. As you say, this isn't the first time.
You deserve better.