Bloody dh, aibu?

[FlopsyMcDoodle]

Staying with my dm at the moment - 2 dc’s 5yo and 2yo, both obsessed with trains. My dm doesn’t really have any kids stuff around and her house is very much an adults house - lots of ornaments, breakables, lovely furniture, generally just fairly stressful with 2 young dc.

She dug ou a few toys that my siblings and I had left - dolls house, bit of brio and my dbro’s old electric trainset. Dc2 has been loving the trains from the electric trainset but keeps getting cross because they don’t connect properly. They’re only really designed to stay together on the proper track which is too fiddly for dc2. He kept getting cross so I said I’d put it away and get it out again when he’s older. I haven’t seen it for a couple of days so assumed either dh or dm had put it back in the loft. Dm asked me where it was today, I said I didn’t know, dh said ‘oh I threw it in the bin.’ Dm then went rummaging through the bins but bins collected yesterday and looks like they’re gone .

Dh hasn’t apologised and doesn’t see what the problem is. He thinks it’s just junk so he threw it away. Dm is upset but wouldn’t say anything. Aibu to think dh has been really fucking rude? You don’t just chuck away other people’s stuff because it’s annoying your kid. I’m bloody mortified and think he needs to apologise and replace it.

Dh read the first page and yes, as expected you’re all a bunch of man hating harpies.

OK OP’s husband - let’s try this. I’m a bloke so not a man hating harpie... And I think you are a class 1 bell end, and that’s a bell end with knobs on!

Neither myself or any of my male friends would do this,and if we accidentally did, we would apologise. You’re a proper knob.

Sorry you’re married to such a dick OP.

It would be bad enough if your mum had given you the stuff to take home and he'd binned it. Binning your mum's stuff at your mum's house is cuntworthy.

^ This.

So - he’d throw anything away at anyone’s house if he considered it shit “stuff” that wasn’t fit for purpose?

Or he’d only do it somewhere he considered himself entitled to do that? Where his opinion was more important than the householder?

And having been brought up on his arrogance, he now feels entitled to dismiss your mother’s feelings too? And your feelings?

I’m pretty speechless.

My DH spends a lot of time at my DPs house - lots more than it sounds like your DH does at your DM’s. He would NEVER throw anything of theirs in the bin. Not in a million years, but even if it irritated the bejesus out of him. Hide it - probably. Chuck it - never.

If he accuses you of wanting to start an argument then go ahead and start one. I would be utterly furious if my husband did this. I’d tell him to fuck off back home to pack his bags.

I'd divorce him and be done with

I'd be mortified i'd married such a prize winning arsehole and demanding he stumps up a decent wedge of cash as compensation for DM. Who the fuck does that?

OP - I feel for you. My DH does this kind of thing. Tonight he 'tidied up' - and i couldn't find something I needed.
"But I was helping......"
Maybe our DHs should live together in dickhead city.

So he's a thick sexist wanker as well as a pig ignorant entitled cunt? How predictable that anyone who disagrees with him is a harpie. Why would you let this abomination disrespect your Mother's belongings in her own home?

He's very lucky he's not married to me. I would kick his arse!!!

Very rude of him to throw someone else's property in the bin and very wasteful. He should be ashamed of himself.

Show him this thread.

he’s really just not interested in ‘stuff’.

IT WASN’T HIS FUCKING STUFFMTO THROW AWAY!!!!!

Wow.

He's monumentally rude and nasty

It's a horrible thing to do, to throw out something of sentimental value to someone else.

He sounds unbelievably arrogant.

Why would he persist in saying he's done nothing wrong when you've clearly told him he has and that your mum is upset about it? That is really not normal behaviour.

I don't think I could ever respect him again OP, how will you be able to live with him after this? It's not the train set, it's the sheer lack of respect for you, your mother and your brother. There's something very disturbing about it - the fact that he knows you're upset about it and he doesn't care and thinks you should just STFU.

I'm sorry your husband is so nasty and what he's role modelling to your DC's is not good.

Why is it when a group of women disagree with a man, we are all man-hating harpies.

I dont hate men, I just know a steaming twatsack when one comes along. Op your husband is an arsehole.

Tell him we don't hate all men, but then most men don't throw away other people's stuff and then tell their wives to shut up about it when they remonstrate with them about it.

And yes, he's a sexist twat as well.

Post on Reddit where it's mixed and see what the men say. Will he be saying they are man haters, when they declare how they would kick the arse of anyone who would do that to their old train set?

It comes across that he has no respect for women tbh. Is your father still alive/ living with your mum? I wonder if he'd have shown a bit more respect for the trainset if t were owned by a person with a penis?

I bet if we all agreed he’d change his tune and all of us would be fine then it’s just as we don’t agree and he’s being called out on being an utter knob.

This man is definitely a bully and probably abusive to you and DC already. His behaviour over this incident clearly demonstrates that as far as he's concerned, other people's feelings simply don't matter. It's not completely impossible that he enjoys losing/damaging/disposing of other people's property and then lecturing them about how silly they are to make a fuss about 'things': bullies get their kicks by causing pain.

As a PP said, how about telling him he needs to leave your mother's house as he is no longer welcome there because of his horrible behaviour?

And this is why I love Mumsnet; thanks to @TaliZorahVasNormandy my vocabulary continues to expand... steaming twatsack

Haven’t read the whole thread but aside from anything else you just don’t throw away other people’s stuff. You just don’t. How is that hard to grasp?

Doesn't he at least get that it's not his house, not his stuff so not his decision?

This, really. He doesn't have to understand emotional attachment. He does have to understand property. They were not his things. He's not in his own house. It would be rude even to suggest throwing the things away, let alone just doing it.

It's also just weird. It does sound as if he had some sort of temper tantrum and could not cope with having something around that his DC found frustrating. Often, the devil is in the detail. It might seem like a small thing, but it's part of a bigger picture. He's discounting your mother's feelings, refusing to admit he's wrong, squashing any criticism, and dismissing other viewpoints in a misogynistic manner. I wouldn't say LTB but I'd be having a serious think and re-examination of what he's like.

Your dhs a dick.

That. Is. All.

it really doesnt matter a flyi g fuck what HE thinks at all. Its what HE has done which is throw something out that wasnt his.

Ask him which one of these he has trouble undetstanding?

1. THEY WERENT HIS.
2. THEY HAD VALUE TO YOUR MUM.
3. HE NEEDS TO RECOGNISE HE THREW AWAY SOMEONE ELSES POSSESSIONS.
4. HE NEEDS TO APOLOGISE FOR BEING A TOTAL FUCKWIT.

I am afraid if i was your mum he would get the bloody message crystal clear freaking sharpish and he would be following the bin lorry.

He just refuses to admit when he’s wrong

Does he ever admit it? For instance, my DH often won’t in the heat of an argument but will undoubtedly apologise once he’s calmed down.

If he’ll literally nevet admit being wrong sometimes, I don’t know how you’d live with that as a character trait.

What about when the DC get older and disagree with him? Will he never ever see their point of view either?

Also op, if he’s not really interested in stuff, he was interested enough to make the decision to get rid. Perhaps you should follow his lead..

What if he throws away your dc's beloved toy or blanket? What's to stop him doing something so damaging to his children and then refusing to take the blame?

At the very least OP, is there a box so DH can see the exact model, go on eBay or similar and try and hunt down the exact train set again? If he did that and told your DM he was doing that, it's better than nothing.

That's awful. You should get him a hotel for the night, might wake him up to the fact that what he did was so massively rude he has no right to your dmum's hospitality without an apology.

@GummyGoddess there was actually a thread where a mumsnetter's bastard of an exh made their children throw their favourite soft toys out because he said they were too old for them