Bloody dh, aibu?

[FlopsyMcDoodle]

Staying with my dm at the moment - 2 dc’s 5yo and 2yo, both obsessed with trains. My dm doesn’t really have any kids stuff around and her house is very much an adults house - lots of ornaments, breakables, lovely furniture, generally just fairly stressful with 2 young dc.

She dug ou a few toys that my siblings and I had left - dolls house, bit of brio and my dbro’s old electric trainset. Dc2 has been loving the trains from the electric trainset but keeps getting cross because they don’t connect properly. They’re only really designed to stay together on the proper track which is too fiddly for dc2. He kept getting cross so I said I’d put it away and get it out again when he’s older. I haven’t seen it for a couple of days so assumed either dh or dm had put it back in the loft. Dm asked me where it was today, I said I didn’t know, dh said ‘oh I threw it in the bin.’ Dm then went rummaging through the bins but bins collected yesterday and looks like they’re gone .

Dh hasn’t apologised and doesn’t see what the problem is. He thinks it’s just junk so he threw it away. Dm is upset but wouldn’t say anything. Aibu to think dh has been really fucking rude? You don’t just chuck away other people’s stuff because it’s annoying your kid. I’m bloody mortified and think he needs to apologise and replace it.

[ArchchancellorsHat]

I don’t like the thought of my dm thinking dh is a bit of a dick.

but he is a dick.

Definitely chuck his shoes out.

[FlopsyMcDoodle]

Very sure he doesn’t have aspergers. Dc1 is autistic and has tons of empathy. Dh is just a bit of a dick.

[KateGrey]

@Cambionome or he might be an insensitive cunt! Being detached around stuff doesn’t mean aspergers.

I have asd and don’t get overly attached to stuff (I’ve thrown out a lot of the kids school school etc) but it’s the fact he can’t admit what he’s done wrong that is worrying. He can see how upset you are yet refuses to apologise. Probably wants OP to apologise for “making a fuss”! He sounds selfish and arrogant.

[diddl]

Just because he isn't interested in "stuff" doesn't mean that he can throw other people's stuff away.

He must get that!

Well if I were your mum, he wouldn't be welcome for a while.

Might be a relief all round to have soe visits without him.

[Amatree]

So have you stood up for your poor mum and told him to go to a hotel? You say she 'probably thinks he's a bit of a dick'. I would guess that is the tip of the iceberg, that she loathes him and is walking on eggshells trying not to show it because she loves you and her GC so much and wants to keep the peace on a rare visit.

[LavenderDoll]

Gosh that's awful behaviour
Surely even if he can't see how badly he has behaved he would want to apologise to your mum if he thought for a second his actions had upset her.
What a nasty shitty thing to do.

[Loveache]

Noo! Our old train set has been got out for infant nephews. I'd murder anyone who chucked it out, if my mother hadn't got in there to do it first.
It's not replaceable. He needs to do some major apologising and make up for it somehow.

[harrietm87]

But it's theft. Even if he doesn't form attachments to stuff surely he can appreciate that the train set didn't belong to him and therefore he didn't have the right to dispose of it.

He's either thick or a dick. Possibly both.

[Qvar]

tell him to fuck off

Honestly, he doesn't have to 'get' that other people are attached to their stuff. Throwing someone else's stuff in the bin IS theft, it's the fucking law, there's nothing to get.

You CAN DO BETTER

And I suspect you're in for a volley of insults every time you try to use Mumsnet from now on.

[BewareOfDragons]

So if your mum was visiting you, your DH would be perfectly happy and understanding if she chucked something in the bin of his that she thought was silly to be keeping lying around the house? I highly doubt it.

[Bluntness100]

I bet he'd be attached to stuff if your mother was staying at your home and threw out something important to him.

He knows. He knows what he's done. He's just being a wanker about it. He needs to apologise and replace it.

And man hating harpies. Seriously. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

[Amatree]

Oh yeah and he's now shown himself to be a completely cliched mysogynist now as well with his accurately predicted remarks about the people posting on here.

He just sounds better and better

[Ellie56]

I think you can do better than this knobhead OP.

[Cambionome]

Yes you are right, KateGrey.

He isn't a "bit of a dick", op.

He is a total, complete, horrible, selfish, monumental dick.

[ShovingLeopard]

It is a sign of emotional immaturity when grown adults are unable to admit they have done wrong.

[worriedaboutthis23]

Your DM already knows what a cunt he is OP.

[WheresTheHooferDoofer]

OP, you say he's usually a decent dad and husband.

I hate to tell you, he isn't. This episode is showing his true colours. He's a wanker, and I bet if your mum could speak freely to you, she'd be urging you to dump him.

Also he hasn’t done anything wrong because if my dm was upset she would have said something. But she wouldn’t because she doesn’t want any awkwardness, we live 300 miles away and don’t see her as much as she’d like so she just keeps quiet.

The fact that your DM is treading on eggshells to avoid upsetting your DH is proof you need to take the rose tinted glasses off.

My ex threw things of mine away. One of the many minor reasons he's an ex.

If the item does not belong to you, it's not your decision to through it away.

[TellsEveryoneRealFacts]

Doe she usually just throw other people's belongings away, in their own house?

Utter fucking twat.

[Oblomov18]

Good Grief.
Not much on MN shocks me these days, but this is truely awful.

Have you explained in detail? Has he been told how upsetting it is? Your point of view?

Even if he's not attached himself, once someone else's upset is explained to him, he should then apologise.

To not do so, is seriously worrying.

[kaytee87]

I hope you're ok op, this thread can't be easy to read

[AcrossthePond55]

Jesus. I'd go into DH's stuff and throw something out of his.

If he really lacks that much empathy and won't apologize when another person is upset, regardless of whether or no he agrees, then I'd wonder if he was the right man for me.

[TooManyPaws]

He is not "a bit of a dick" but a total dick. This entire thread thinks so (and their menfolk), your mum will and, I'll bet, plenty of other people.

I hope your mum throws him out. After all, no one can understand why you could possibly be attached to a graceless, bad mannered, socially uncouth wanker of a total knob. Gods alone knows what will happen to your own DCs' things that they want to keep, or even yours. He is a waste of emotional space.

[SerPants]

This is one of the rare AIBU threads where everyone is in agreement.

I would also find this very difficult to get past, and the more you tell us about his behaviour, the more he sounds controlling rather than simply thoughtless.

Does he resent visiting your Mum by any chance? It sounds like he's trying to engineer some sort of rift (therefore fewer visits, isolating you and the kids from her).

I hope I'm wrong. But none of this is how a normal person behaves.

[AcrossthePond55]

Don't pussyfoot areound there, paws.

BTW I agree with you.

[AcrossthePond55]

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