to ask if I've f*cked up

[pipandco]

Sometimes I have these moments of panic that I've fucked up in terms of a career...so here we go. Sorry if this ends up pretty long!

So I graduated 2015 age 23.

I'm from Surrey and most people I know went straight from uni into London on graduate schemes. I didn't feel at all ready for this- mainly because most were 2 year long schemes and I didn't want to commit to that especially as I was clueless as to what I wanted to do. On top of that (and this may sound silly to some or like a cop-out) but my self esteem was at it's all time lowest around this time. For various reasons my confidence had taken a dive from around age 19 and I almost didn't feel good enough for a "proper adult job." I just didn't want the suit-tie-commute-into-london-corporate-life that my peers were going for.

Not wanting to move home, I decided on a total whim to take a job in a hotel in a very remote location that offered accommodation. It was intending to stay until the end of the year but I ended up there for 14 months (September of 2016 I left.)

I knew I really wanted to travel for a year or more at some point before settling down into a career. I planned on doing this from around the end of 2016. However various things kept me at home- mainly family issues- that meant I really had to postpone. Again not wanting to commit to a career per se as I really wasn't sure how long I'd be around for, I ended up working in a family friend's cafe for a few months and then went onto nannying. A friend of my mum's was looking for a full time nanny. I had a fair bit of childcare experience so thought why not. I did that until January of this year.

Now finally I am off to do the travelling I always talked about. In March I am heading to NZ and will make my way around NZ, Aus, and SE Asia from there. I'll be working a little in Aus to keep the funds up.

It'll be around March 2019 that I get back, which will make me 2 months short of being 27.

I understand plenty of people have a career change at any age, but I really fear that employees will look at me and essentially wonder wtf I have been doing with myself since graduating in 2015. Hotel work, nannying, bits of retail/cafe work with no direction. I should stress that my work ethic isn't at question- I've worked consistently since age 15 and all through university. I definitely feel like my mental health was a big reason why I didn't go straight into the workforce. Then desperately wanting to travel meant I faffed around for far too long.

I'm also worried as I know I definitely don't want to work in London but am not sure where to head to! I've visited Manchester a lot and love it so am thinking perhaps there.

I know comparing oneself to others is a huge mistake but I can't help but see my peers on facebook going up in the world and I feel really lost and annoyed at myself for falling behind. I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do after my travels, but as I say I'm worried employees will think I'm a bit of a f*ck up. I also worry about getting on the property ladder. After my travels I should have around £20k left of savings, which obviously won't get me far!

Honest opinions would be amazing. Sorry for rambling!

I've read some conflicting posts on here and haven't really got much to add other than my cousin's experience. Although for different reasons, she didn't begin her career in her 20s. She was pregnant at 19
And due to health problems with her DD, she was a SAHM. She then had 2 more DD. DF didn't stick around and she found juggling 3 DD and hospital appointments a single mum didn't fit a job. When her youngest started school she got a job around school hours. She was 32. She is now 48 and has a well paid job, a house (mortgage nearly paid) and 3 holidays a year. She was lucky but worked hard to get where she is. It is possible 😊

Sounds to me like you’re more worried about being stuck than anything else. You’ve chosen jobs that make an escape easy and now you’re off travelling. Just wondering where that comes from, could be something to look at 😘

Success can mean different things to different people. If you are happy and have enough money to cover your basic living expenses and a few little 'luxuries ' there is no need to compare yourself with other people.

This! You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You just never know - nobody does. lots of people in careers earning good money are miserable and about to pack it all in and either retrain or take a job that just pays the bills so they can do things they enjoy in their free time. Do what you love. The rest doesn't matter unless you want to buy in to all that.

I left university at 23 OP and wasn't far off 24. This was because I did 3 years at sixth form instead of 2 and also did a masters. Like you I had low self esteem and was very anxious about going into a proper job. I never really progressed in my career because my low self esteem and lack of confidence continued throughout life. Also the career I chose was never really suitable for me. I did my job well but I never seeked promotion as didn't think I would be any good at being a manager.

My advice to you would be to go and enjoy your trip overseas. While you are on your trip, think about all the things you are good at and all the things you enjoy doing. Think about all your strengths. What skills you have. What hobbies and interests you have. Also think about all the things you are not good at and all the things you hate doing. Research at some point what jobs there are that involve all the things you are good at and all the things you enjoy. When you finally start work you could be working for the next 40 years or more. That is a long time to be spending at work doing something you hate so make sure find a job at the start that involves doing things you are good at and things you enjoy. You are more likely to excel in your chosen career if you love what you do.

Op, I'm nearly 40, have a toddler and am having a difficult time training to be a teacher.

I've never known what I wanted to do and have managed fine just going for things that appealed, at entry level. Some people know from a young age what they want to do (and may still be mistaken, lots of others don't).

These days there are so many career changers, I can think of about six of my peers who have done well changing careers in their 30s.

It's a bit old fashioned of your Mum isn't it? What should you have studied at Oxford I wonder??

I just wanted to say that you could look into doing a master's in documentary anthropology, or just go for broadcast journalism. Go for something that will lead into work you'll enjoy and don't worry too much about a 'career'.

And travelling for a bit is a fantastic idea! Definitely do it while you're young when it can still shape you! Don't stress about your previous jobs, you can show you stuck at things that you were over qualified for which demonstrates your ethic.

It's fine not to want to have children, I didn't and then had one by accident a couple of years ago. Life is full of surprise and adventure, embrace it all!

I know im joining this late, but really here goes. Im 37, i have banded around different career paths for most of my life. I trained to be a nurse, but couldnt finish that due to illness but used the HNC that i was awardedto gain a place at swansea university to study egyptology. At 23, before i started i fell pregnant and i never settled after that until 2 years ago when i fell into cheffing and have never looked back. So at 37 i dont have a huge salary, and i havent travelled, and sometimes i think i could have done things differently, perhaps not bothered with anything apart from catering college. However, as i point out to my dd, i didnt know what i wanted to do until i was 35. You honestly have all the time in the world to focus on a career, but the chance of a lifetime to travel. I know what i would choose (it involves a plane)

Ok. I am very much a 'watcher' on mumsnet and very rarely comment but feel moved to on this one! Here goes (it may end up long!! You have been warned!! Lol?)
I totally didn't know what I wanted to do 'when I grew up'! I did a degree, a PhD and then admin for a while until I decided what I really wanted to do. Decided on a really competitive career and got a job that was great experience but still a long, hard path to get properly into career (while living away from DH and family and friends). Then received a diagnosis that needed medication that meant issues with starting family. Long story short(ish!) decided life is too bloody short so needed to get a move on with the baby making!! Now have husband, two gorgeous, wonderful, strong willed, frustrating, beautiful, far too clever for my good girls and a wonderful husband who I love dearly, no particular career to speak of (but new part time job that I quite like!) and am just starting a business that I see great potential in.
Friends have 'great jobs' and all the stress that goes along with them. Kind of hard to say this as have has soooooo many confidence etc. issues in past but I'm actually pretty bloody happy with my lot!! There's been big piles of poop in my life before now, and no doubt there will be again, but I do think that if you're open to it, the universe will provide. A great career and money and all that is great if that us what works for you but actually for me, there are more important things in life. I do wish I'd travelled more tbh but now I want to take my family on adventures and then do crazy stuff once the kids are old enough to stay home doing their own thing!!! I wish you the very best and an abundant life! Find your purpose and what make you feel happy and that you are thriving and the rest will come. Don't compare yourself to others. What is right for one is not right for another and you never truest know a life unless you live it.
Good luck! Xxxx

OP relax, pat yourself on the back and pour yourself a large glass of wine to celebrate what you've achieved so far, as saving that much money at your age is pretty awesome!!

Please don't compare yourself to your peers who have taken the graduate/corporate route. A friend of mine did the same to please his parents, worked in corporate jobs he hated for 20 years and died of alcoholism at 45. If it's not for you then DON'T DO IT!!

I worked in low paid jobs after school but had a lot of fun, went to university late, dabbled in the film industry and fell into my current career at age 36. I temped at a company I loved and wrote to them after my term had ended saying how much I loved it there. A month later they offered me a job and I've never looked back.

Also, it's actually never been a better time to be a woman!! Good luck - with your work ethic I think you're going to be just fine!!

Go travelling, enjoy, experience, learn to like yourself. ‘Expensive holidays’ are not the same thing. Your peers sound very dull. Better happy and interesting than wealthy. You have a degree, it may take you a little longer, but the rest will be fine. If you don’t go, and concentrate on career et al, in two or three years you’ll have secure income, perhaps a house deposit, perhaps a start of a good career- but have nothing to sustain you in down times and will regret not doing it. Travelling when you are older and grown up gap years are not the same and are for people who wish they’d done it wen they were younger. (No reason you can’t do it then as well) you might find your perfect life/niche on your travels.

pipandco, without wanting to sound patronising you are still very young, try not to worry, its a waste of precious energy. Saving up 20K at your age is fantastic!!!. Going travelling is so common, many employers won't bat an eyelid. Brilliant on you for doing it now, rather than in 10-20 years time when having some mid life crisis and dropping all you've built up.
Travelling will open your eyes further to many possibilities in terms of how you might want to live your life or what field you might want to work in, and detach you from parental expectations, and bring you into contact with people from all walks of life, creating contacts that if you're lucky you can fall back on in years to come.

I spent my 20s fostering my relationship and career path, achieving a doctorate in my chosen profession at 30, looking forward to marriage at 31, for my fiance to call it off and my world fall apart. I managed to pick myself up with help from family and friends and save some money and went travelling around the world at 36 for a year and had the best time ever, meeting some incredible people and seeing so many amazing places. It is one of the two best things i have done thus far, the second was choosing single parenthood at the age of 39. Like you i didn't think i wanted children, but during travelling my maternal drive kicked in.
Anyway I really hope you have an amazing time travelling, and be thankful that you will still be very young when you return to the UK...or maybe you wont ;-) bigger things might be out there waiting for you! x

Despite what people say life is short. Very short. I know plenty of people who've died in their early 40. Yep mortgage was paid but that never go around to doing the other stuff as they were six feet under.

Whilst building a career in your 20s-30s is sensible (and easier in lots of ways) you'll still have your 30s when you get back. And trust me, a big proportion of those who worked on careers earlier in life are not always that happy with their lot.

Apparently it's scientifically proven that we're happier investing in experiences (e.g. travelling) than things (e.g. houses) so go on that trip. You're less likely to say on your death bed you regret travelling than you regret not travelling!

LOVE this reply!

pipandco - we are very happy to host you in the Bay of Islands while you are in NZ, should you want a hot meal/cold wine/snug bed. Just passing on the kindness extended to our son while he was a gapper in the UK.

What do you want from your life, OP? Do you actually even want a "career"? What does a career look like to you?

Do you want children? If yes, and you're a woman, you might want to start working on that when you get back from your trip. Many reasons to do that sooner, rather than later. If you're a man, not as urgent but consider getting on the case anyway. If you are to be a SAHP (which is statistically the happiest situation), at least for a few years, no point starting up a career beforehand. You'll be out of the workforce again for X period of time.

However, being an excellent parent is the most valuable career there is, so I think there is something to be said about the rich, rewarding, intellectually and philosophically stimulating challenge that is parenting. There is no work that is more important, or that produces something greater. It is also compatible with your choices. In this case you would have your attention on looking for a partner, not a career. A compatible partner would be concerned with things like your virtues, character, appearance, intellect, fertility, values, and many more, but not your career.

That's not to say you can't still have a fulfilling professional life, if you even want that, at whichever point(s) it was compatible etc., but you'd either be starting that after probably be best off to work in a field/environment where opportunity isn't too closely coupled with work history in that field over time. Starting your own business is one example.

If you are going the "career" route, either when you get back or when compatible with child raising, just accept that you'll be in the mix with people who are fresh out of uni, as well as some others in situations more similar to your own, and apply yourself and all the wisdom and experience you've gained in your twenties, which travel is great for, and be a very attractive and competent prospect for employers after you demonstrate a few years of commitment. Employers ultimately want the most competent employees who can deliver the most value. Be that.

At this point, having a only a vague idea and not even going to start for a couple of years, it's hard to generate momentum for that now. But perhaps you need to consider what the objective actually is?

I would never say you have totally screwed up your life unless you find yourself sitting in a grim prison cell facing 20 years to life for drug smuggling or something.

Dont assume that travelling will help you find yourself. Lots of people on this thread have written very positively about travelling. IME nobody ever admits that actually it was a bit crap.

If you want to go travelling then go but use the time to start making proper plans for what you are going to do when you get back. Time is never on your side.

You haven't done the wrong thing, you can live life how you want.

But your degree was pointless now if I'm honest. You can't use it to get a job anymore, not a graduate job at least. You'll be 6 years out of uni by the time you get back, with no use of it in any graduate job. Employers look at maximum of 3 years out of uni. So if you want a graduate job when you get back, you're going back to uni.

I haven't read through all of these answers OP but from the looks/sounds of it, you're a bright girl with a great degree. I'm not sure what university you went to but with the a-level results you got I imagine it's one of the top ones.

As others have said I really wouldn't worry. After all what will the achieve. Absolutely go off and do your year of travelling but try and have some sort of a plan for when you're back in the UK. Maybe email around potential employees, start applying for jobs etc. Of course you have to be realistic and can't assume that everything will work out perfectly but having a negative attitude certainly won't help either.

You have great life experience which will be valued by a lot of employees. I did see one comment that said you seem scared of Work which seems unfair and also a huge insult to anyone who does work in the hospitality retail or childcare industry. Just because you haven't had a big corporate job doesn't mean you haven't worked damn hard

Life is short. Don't feel pressured by what your peers are doing. But also as I say try and form a plan while you're away. Also 20k in savings by your age is fantastic.

Youngmystery where did you get six years from? 2015-2019?

Life always takes you in unexpected directions. There are ups and downs, and your situation ten years from now will be unimaginable to you right now, I promise. In other words, make a plan but hold on tight as the rollercoaster is just starting to move!!

Could you go travelling for 6 months instead of a year? My experience is that those who were willing to put the hard work in in their early - mid 20’s are the ones who are comfortable in their 30’s. The ones who prioritised travelling and didn’t want to work long hours are the ones who are struggling to get on the housing market and are having to catch up now. The sooner you choose to start the hard work the better!

Tombstoneteeth that's so kind thank you :) I just googled the area and it looks absolutely stunning I'll definitely drop back onto this thread if I end up there !

So many more amazing answers I'll properly read through all later

Raccoon I completely appreciate what you're saying but just wanted to point out that when I worked in the hotel industry I was averaging 60 hours a week, retail/cafe was around 50 and working as a nanny I worked 7am-7pm, waking up at 5.30- 5 days a week so am definitely not afraid of long hours ! A little lacking in confidence and a sense of direction yes but one nice thing I can say about myself is I'm certainly not lazy

Trained as a teacher & hated it. Had a series of dead end, not entirely unenjoyable jobs. Then, 15 years of being a SAH mother (spaced-out family). Marriage broke up & I needed to work - aged 45. Wrote to someone prominent (outing), just flying a kie, with my CV & started as the office "junior". Timing was of the essence - right place, right time. Had 15 happy years, developed a career. Never too late. Wish I'd travelled though. Doing a bit now. Do what you want. What's better - starry career which comes at a price or a stack of great memories? When it comes down to it, things (fabulous house, lovely objects) are, well, just things.

I did 10 years in a job I hated before travelling in my late 20's. Best thing I ever did travelling on a shoestring.

Met my DH in Australia (he is English).

We now have 3 small children, full time jobs, well paid, lovely area in the UK.

We are planning on taking them to live in The Outback for a few years next year (our theory being what could be more fun as small Children)

My point being we both recovered from travelling career wise (I do a completely different job now). It would in no way have been the same travel in our 40's that we did in our 20's. I 100% will always encourage my children to travel too.

I am not sure what career I should be doing. I have never known and probably never will. I have sort of given up being bothered now as long as we can afford to live and have fun then I am happy.

You have in no way fucked in your career, you have decades left to work yet. Who knows what will happen whilst you are travelling