to ask if I've f*cked up

[pipandco]

Sometimes I have these moments of panic that I've fucked up in terms of a career...so here we go. Sorry if this ends up pretty long!

So I graduated 2015 age 23.

I'm from Surrey and most people I know went straight from uni into London on graduate schemes. I didn't feel at all ready for this- mainly because most were 2 year long schemes and I didn't want to commit to that especially as I was clueless as to what I wanted to do. On top of that (and this may sound silly to some or like a cop-out) but my self esteem was at it's all time lowest around this time. For various reasons my confidence had taken a dive from around age 19 and I almost didn't feel good enough for a "proper adult job." I just didn't want the suit-tie-commute-into-london-corporate-life that my peers were going for.

Not wanting to move home, I decided on a total whim to take a job in a hotel in a very remote location that offered accommodation. It was intending to stay until the end of the year but I ended up there for 14 months (September of 2016 I left.)

I knew I really wanted to travel for a year or more at some point before settling down into a career. I planned on doing this from around the end of 2016. However various things kept me at home- mainly family issues- that meant I really had to postpone. Again not wanting to commit to a career per se as I really wasn't sure how long I'd be around for, I ended up working in a family friend's cafe for a few months and then went onto nannying. A friend of my mum's was looking for a full time nanny. I had a fair bit of childcare experience so thought why not. I did that until January of this year.

Now finally I am off to do the travelling I always talked about. In March I am heading to NZ and will make my way around NZ, Aus, and SE Asia from there. I'll be working a little in Aus to keep the funds up.

It'll be around March 2019 that I get back, which will make me 2 months short of being 27.

I understand plenty of people have a career change at any age, but I really fear that employees will look at me and essentially wonder wtf I have been doing with myself since graduating in 2015. Hotel work, nannying, bits of retail/cafe work with no direction. I should stress that my work ethic isn't at question- I've worked consistently since age 15 and all through university. I definitely feel like my mental health was a big reason why I didn't go straight into the workforce. Then desperately wanting to travel meant I faffed around for far too long.

I'm also worried as I know I definitely don't want to work in London but am not sure where to head to! I've visited Manchester a lot and love it so am thinking perhaps there.

I know comparing oneself to others is a huge mistake but I can't help but see my peers on facebook going up in the world and I feel really lost and annoyed at myself for falling behind. I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do after my travels, but as I say I'm worried employees will think I'm a bit of a f*ck up. I also worry about getting on the property ladder. After my travels I should have around £20k left of savings, which obviously won't get me far!

Honest opinions would be amazing. Sorry for rambling!

You are a bright young woman. There is no wrong or right way of having a career, do what you love and love what you do. Seize every opportunity and do it to your best - you simply do not know what will come your way or what path you take.
I didn't go to university, I had a major career change at 31, I have been sacked once, made redundant twice and earn over £100k, a nice house a property abroad and a decent pension (is it ever enough). I didn't come from an academic family but I am hard working, a fast learner and do things to the best of my ability.

Don't right yourself off just yet!
Good luck

You are not fucked up at all. In fact I’d say you were really doing well.

You have a degree that no one can take away from you. I disagree that it’s value has expired. Possibly true of a highly vocational subject, but yours will demonstrate to an employer that you can work and self-start at the higher level.

I was supposed to be a professional musician - had trained for that since primary school - but illness at 17 stopped that in its tracks. So I married and had kids by the time I was your age and did a degree in my 30s. I now have a great job (completely unrelated to my degree subject), am divorced with a mortgage. But I a consider myself to be successful and feel fulfilled with no regrets.

I’m putting together a photo book for my DD’s 30th celebrations and enjoying reviewing our lives together with joy. Even the pictures of me pegging our terry nappies at 5.30am make me smile. I can promise you at the time I wasn’t smiling.

You need to live YOUR life, not the one others think you should - they can can live their own. The grass isn’t always greener elsewhere even if distance suggests it is. So many PPs have shown that there is no single way to have a successful and fulfilled life. You are clearly a sensible, hard worker with a good brain - essential building blocks for a good life. Avoid over-thinking things, hold on to good memories and become absent minded about the bad ones.

Mydietstartsmonday that's a seriously inspiring post!

OP I forgot to mention that when I went travelling for a year (in my late 20s) I worked for much of that time to sustain myself, so put those roles on my CV.

They were not particularly impressive career wise, but one was very interesting and unusual and I found out from the employer at my dream company that it was the reason they gave me the interview in the first place (and they asked me questions about it in the interview).

What I'm saying is that you can turn a gap year traveling into something that makes your CV stand out.

Just skim read the thread but wanted to say I don’t think you’ve fucked up at all!
I faffed around a lot between 22 and 27 - temp admin jobs, bar work, volunteering, moved cities twice, did a masters as well which passed a year nicely but wasn’t super useful! It was tough going and I’ll admit at the time I wasn’t massively happy but I just wasn’t ready or interested in graduate schemes and the like. At 27 I then decided to do teacher training and that’s my job now 10 years later. DH is similar - lots of studying and different jobs.

It is true that some of our old school/uni friends are now much better off financially than we are, because they’ve had ‘proper’ careers for longer, so we do notice they have bigger houses, nicer cars, more holidays etc. But we’re not too bothered about all that because we’ve done what’s right for us.

Also I think you’re doing really well to have savings - I’ve never managed that!

Good luck, you’ll figure it out!

Also I’m still not even sure I’ve found ‘the’ career for me! - it suits me now but not sure I can see myself doing it for another 30 years! So I’ve probably another career change ahead of me at some point

This was ( still is ) my daughters experience

My daughter now 25 went to uni to do a performing arts degree , graduated , worked for a year locally in car insurance whilst teaching dance in the evenings as she wasn't sure what she wanted to do . Her Dad noticed she had lost her spark and asked her if she was happy which she answered no, she hated her job and was suffering from anxiety . He bought her a ticket to travel to go find herself . 3 years later she's living in Australia with her boyfriend she met in Thailand . She's a dive master , a new found hobby on her travels she loves , with a job as a sales and marketing executive waiting to find out if she's got her visa to stay . She's getting ready to buy her first home if all goes well . Like you she worked from a young age ( in local shops and restaurants ) ,worked all through college , uni and then on her working visa ( on a dairy farm to get her 2nd year working visa ) , she worked in retail and became a manager , wrote blogs and did promos on social media , and landed her current job on interview because of all of her work experiences . I hope you have a wonderful time in your travels , who knows where it will lead you , good luck !

pipandco Off you go! Follow your heart! Be yourself! Carpe Diem! and all the other sayings which underline what people above have said! Do what you always wanted - TRAVEL! You'll truly regret it if you miss your opportunity. I admire you enormously. You've save money too, well done! You will achieve what you want I am absolutely sure, so long as you don't measure yourself against the expectations of others who have limited and nervous outlooks. Your parents want to clip your wings. I'm 68, I didn't do what I intended because others made me feel bad about it. I regret it now. Don't be like me. Now, off you go and do your packing my love!

I don't believe you've screwed up at all, OP.

Don't look with envy at people who are just working to pay the mortgage etc. Life is for living and to be enjoyed. Getting stuck in a job that you hate, or where you feel you're just going through the motions everyday, is miserable.

To prospective employers, you can demonstrate how your travels and the qualities, skills & experiences you've gained in your previous jobs can benefit both you and them.

Relax
See what your travels bring they may inspire you into a whole new direction. And employers won’t hold travels against you. Just think of the different skills you’ve learnt in your previous posts and capitalise.

You remind me of me :-) I did lots of random things in my twenties, serious mental health problems were part of that, but then fell into the right industry at 28, in two years learnt that inside out and then it all took off in my thirties. I have since (more than) made up for lost time. You can do so too. Many of my peers have done a lot better than me BUT I’ve done fine considering. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. (Comparison is the thief of joy.) As long as you’re in the right frame of mind now (and luck doesn’t play against you)... you can do what you want to do now.

Congrats to your degree! There are plenty of employers who will hire you just because you have some other life experience than simply studying and getting "a degree" as soon as possible. You should read the book "Fooled by randomness" by Nicholas Nassim Taleb, in it he aptly explains the dangers of comparing yourself to others, and he does it very to the point. You compare yourself to some few families from Surrey, perhaps from the area where you by chance happened to grow up. I suppose your mum and your mum's parents rather would have wanted you to go to Oxford because that's what they did themselves in the past, and because it's a sensible choice that usually means you do well in life, but you must also remember that what worked well back in the 20th century won't necesserily work well in the future (climate change and all that) and that there are many different paths to success, so it might well prove your choice and life plans to be the more sensible one in hindsight. How can your degree be "the sore point" in your family? The importance of a degree is, in my opinion, more that you get a certain practice in how to address problems and issues, learn a way of thinking, and less so that you necessarily must work within that particular field or set you up for a particular career trajectory (although some degrees do precisely that). There are plenty of people with e.g. a business degree or a law degree, or even a science degree, who have instead made a career in tv or within the film industry. Find them and use them as role models if you want to get into the field you want to work in, instead of comparing yourself only to peers from your old school.

Here's a good summary of the book btw: