to ask if I've f*cked up

[pipandco]

Sometimes I have these moments of panic that I've fucked up in terms of a career...so here we go. Sorry if this ends up pretty long!

So I graduated 2015 age 23.

I'm from Surrey and most people I know went straight from uni into London on graduate schemes. I didn't feel at all ready for this- mainly because most were 2 year long schemes and I didn't want to commit to that especially as I was clueless as to what I wanted to do. On top of that (and this may sound silly to some or like a cop-out) but my self esteem was at it's all time lowest around this time. For various reasons my confidence had taken a dive from around age 19 and I almost didn't feel good enough for a "proper adult job." I just didn't want the suit-tie-commute-into-london-corporate-life that my peers were going for.

Not wanting to move home, I decided on a total whim to take a job in a hotel in a very remote location that offered accommodation. It was intending to stay until the end of the year but I ended up there for 14 months (September of 2016 I left.)

I knew I really wanted to travel for a year or more at some point before settling down into a career. I planned on doing this from around the end of 2016. However various things kept me at home- mainly family issues- that meant I really had to postpone. Again not wanting to commit to a career per se as I really wasn't sure how long I'd be around for, I ended up working in a family friend's cafe for a few months and then went onto nannying. A friend of my mum's was looking for a full time nanny. I had a fair bit of childcare experience so thought why not. I did that until January of this year.

Now finally I am off to do the travelling I always talked about. In March I am heading to NZ and will make my way around NZ, Aus, and SE Asia from there. I'll be working a little in Aus to keep the funds up.

It'll be around March 2019 that I get back, which will make me 2 months short of being 27.

I understand plenty of people have a career change at any age, but I really fear that employees will look at me and essentially wonder wtf I have been doing with myself since graduating in 2015. Hotel work, nannying, bits of retail/cafe work with no direction. I should stress that my work ethic isn't at question- I've worked consistently since age 15 and all through university. I definitely feel like my mental health was a big reason why I didn't go straight into the workforce. Then desperately wanting to travel meant I faffed around for far too long.

I'm also worried as I know I definitely don't want to work in London but am not sure where to head to! I've visited Manchester a lot and love it so am thinking perhaps there.

I know comparing oneself to others is a huge mistake but I can't help but see my peers on facebook going up in the world and I feel really lost and annoyed at myself for falling behind. I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do after my travels, but as I say I'm worried employees will think I'm a bit of a f*ck up. I also worry about getting on the property ladder. After my travels I should have around £20k left of savings, which obviously won't get me far!

Honest opinions would be amazing. Sorry for rambling!

I'd be very careful with your next move.

The time you've had between graduating and now is maybe not such an issue but I wouldn't be adding to that gap with more time out of a 'proper career', if a proper career is what you eventually want to get into.

As others have said, you can travel later having established yourself.

There are many, many careers and consultancy roles where you can work from anywhere in the world and be paid very well at the same time. It isn't a case of 'travel now, or never'.

I'm mid-40s now and work in a flexible, consultancy role. I have an assignment in Malaysia for a couple of weeks very soon and, as my OH is also away elsewhere, longer term, on business, and DD at uni, I'm going to stay in KL for a month. We have some other work in China in a few months so I'll pick that up too and stay out there for a month, or longer as my OH may join me. When I'm not travelling I can do my prep work from anywhere in the world (no office to go to). I have a colleague who's been working from a house he's rented in Bali since Christmas...

The reason I'm telling you this is to reinforce that you can still explore the world later.

Going travelling now . You won’t regret it.

I know you say you dont want to use your degree but if you did, they do "expire" if you dont use them. By how much depends on the grad route you take, for some its as little as 2 or 3 years. So in that respect it is a wasted degree.
"Using your degree" is not compulsary of course, but even to use it to change direction has a time limit.
I know this is one of those threads where "negativity" is shot down, but you do need to consider the realities before you take another year out.

What I dont get is why overseas work experience / internship / short course doesnt appeal to you? Thats a great way to see the world.

Going travelling now . You won’t regret it.

You cant promise that. People do.

Sounds to me like you're living the dream. Stop comparing yourself to others and keep choosing in favour of your own happiness. Good luck with it all.

Ah, I remember feeling much the same, op.

I really liked what a previous poster said about internships in film/tv in different countries - that sounds like an excellent idea! Could you set up a few? Try to get a placement in a location you want to visit, throw yourself into it, work hard, make friends and contacts and in the evenings explore your new place? I’d seriousjy look into that if I were you.

You need to free yourself from this idea that you think you have wasted.
I would use that energy, grind my teeth and dive headlong into it all for the next five years. There are 24hours in a day, not 12. Take that as a starting point and see where it takes you. You are very young to be thinking like this. Within five years, you can have a well paid job and still be terribly young to even start travelling the world.
If it helps, I picked up the prices at exactly your age. I spent about five years working my backside off. Now I am well on my way to a paid mortgage plus lots of investments plus children plus a job I really like. PLUS i work in a field which is my hobby too. I just didn't accept that at 27, I should consider myself out or behind in the race. Go on. Do it. Perfectly doable. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Pieces, not prices.

I don't think you have left it too late but at age 41 I can see myself in your post and to be honest I do wish I had done things differently. Life is hard. You are in a good position with the savings though, it took me two decades to save that much. The jobs you have done must have been quite lucrative.

Many friends who went into very boring (in my 20-something eyes), conventional careers, then either became disillusioned but were in a great position to recalibrate in their 30s and travel, take time to find new paths - or enjoyed starting a family with financial security, great maternity packages etc. Meanwhile I spent half my 30s trying to make ends meet, renting, living in my overdraft, panicking about ttc, dealing with MH issues, feeling like I hadn't succeeded in any area of life. The second half has been trying to get my shit together but with very little leeway financially. I finally got somewhere with a career but it's in a low-paid industry and because of the delayed family I am not able to take full advantage or progress further at the moment.

I am not trying to be a downer, just sharing my experience and saying yes, go travel but then do try and find something you can really throw yourself into, with a pragmatic eye on the future.

I'm not sure why this "anthropology is a doss subject" has be worked up but it does.. I've just never heard of it referred to as such and sorry to say Flouncy but its' true, that if a degree course is offered at the top universities then it is in fact a respectable degree. I would much rather have a typical doss subject degree (for what it's worth I hate that term and the mocking of certain subjects) in something along the media line but was encouraged by family/teachers not to and to use my academia towards an academic degree. Such degrees as media etc aren't offered in top unis.

And no, I didn't go to Oxbridge. That must make me really thick. I missed out on Oxford as I needed AAA and I got AAB but please continue to trying to make me out to be stupid in my easy degree :)

I know I should just ignore this rather than get defensive but it really seems that you're deliberately trying to put me down and what if I had actually done the degree I wanted to at the polytechnic uni I wanted to go to?? You'd have me scrubbing toilets the rest of my life. And breathe...

Also think posters are being missleading about all the "life experience" employers will read into your travels.

Someone the same age as OP who did a grad scheme has exactly the same amount of "life experience" as the OP. They both bring a degree of maturity to a role that a shiny new grad fresh outta halls of residence wouldnt have, but the travelling 30yr old doesnt have a life experience edge on the grad scheme 30 year old.

Its like when posters list the "transferable skills" a stay at home mum has. Its nice to hear and all, "positive" or whatever. But not all that realistic in terms of applications and interviews. If you start claiming that getting your Dd to gymnastics is equivalent to making sure your team are on track with their deadlines you'll sound a twat. The kinda "life experience" that works well interviews are things like being involved with running sports clubs and community initiatives, not household budgeting and going on "amazing" trips.

Anyway sorry for that outburst. I think 'm done! Going to try and ignore the really negative comments from here and focus on all the amazing and encouraging ones which I am so grateful for. I did ask the question if I've fucked up so if you think I have or am headed that way I of course value and welcome your opinion and am more than willing to take on board any constructive criticism! But basically telling me I'm thick and have ruined my life is less than helpful lol

Anyway I spent the last couple of hours in a cafe with my mum discussing this all and looking over the comments. She's really supportive and is well aware now that she shouldn't have pushed me into a degree I didn't want to do. She admits she got caught up in the "academia"rather than something that I'd really enjoy doing. It's not something we discuss much and have a great relationship and she's always telling me not to stress so much!

In response to a few comments.

RidingWindhorses I actually did my online TEFAL course a few months ago and definitely intend on using it to teach in Thailand for a while! I also taught English in Zanzibar for 4 months in my gap year after a-levels so have a little experience already in that.

fusushumi this is the sort of constructive criticism that is helpful so thank you. May I ask though what it is about having a few years of not being sure what career you want that would raise eyebrows? I wouldn't say I've had a "hiatus" per se as I've worked solidly since I graduated. Is it the fact that I've had a few different jobs that would make you think I didn't have staying power and would be anxious I'd get up and quit after a few months?

Pancake and Shellyboobs I'm not sure where I said that I wouldn't use travel for work experience / internship / short courses..where did I say that doesn't appeal? and you seem to be really anti travelling lol as others have said travelling in your 20s is very different to doing it in your 50s. Yes it is a risk taking time out to do it now. I could skip it and start on the career. Perhaps that is more logical. But as I say I don't want to live with regrets and be on my deathbed wishing I'd done more. Just this morning my mum who is 60 next year was talking about how she wishes she'd done more with her life instead of following the "conventional" root. Now she has a range of health problems which would make extensive travelling difficult for her. I Don't want to live with those regrets.

I'm really overwhelmed by how many lovely comments are on here! I did buy myself a really great camera a few months ago and absolutely intend on using it to do a lot of filming and video editing while travelling. I also have a blog going- it's just ramblings really of movie reviews/actor reviews/comments on directors etc! Nothing fancy but shows I'm keen!

IMO anthropology can be "spun" to apply to all kinds of professions. Depending on the type, forensic or archiological anthropology less so, but behavioural or evolutionary is great if youre going to be working with people, teams, service users. Having an interest in how people tick is definitely something you can "sell" about yourself in all kinds of fields!

Pancake I wasn't going to post this but you seem so convinced I am doomed lol. I contacted a production company in Manchester about potential work when I am back from my travels. this was her response.

"Thanks for your email. It’s funny you emailed me because I actually didn’t start my career properly in TV till 29 because I chose to go travelling etc.

I ended up working in a bar back home and doing some odd running work. I then went back to America for two summers so I did part time work in between.

I moved to Canada for a year when I was 27 and tried to do film and tv work out there. Whilst I got some work, it was very union based so you had to PA on three productions before you could join a union.

Ironically I got offered a full time job once I had flown home. When I got home I met my now husband. I decided to stay in the UK and moved to Manchester when I was 29. I applied for junior positions at BBC and then got onto a PMA (Production Management Assistant) pool. Within a year I was production coordinator and since leaving BBC I have worked for True North and now at Nine Lives.

Everyone is different and this industry is very competitive but by travelling and doing different bits in my 20s I’ve not felt it has hindered my career. I believe personally your 20s are for figuring out what you want to do. My advice would be to try and keep your foot in the door and maybe do some work for free (work experience) or paid, if you can, on TV productions in Australia whilst you are travelling.

I can’t reserve you a spot but I would be more than happy to have you in on work experience on your return."

you seem to be really anti travelling lol as others have said travelling in your 20s is very different to doing it in your 50s.
Well I know that! Given that I did heaps of travel in my 20s. Granted I did NONE in my 30s because I couldnt affort non uk camping holidays so cant compaire that. I would do it very differently now. My friends who were set up and able to see the world later did some TRUELY amazing non standard backpacker trail stuff!

Yes it is a risk taking time out to do it now. I could skip it and start on the career. Perhaps that is more logical. But as I say I don't want to live with regrets and be on my deathbed wishing I'd done more.
Well I wish I could have done more with my 30s and 40s instead of scrambling to make up for my "fun" 20s
Im in my 40s now and for the first time EVER since they were born Im finally able to take my kids abroad this year. Meanwhile the kids of my friends who set themselves up better can ski and snorkle and speak french in france etc..

Pancake seems to be absolutely intent on making you feel shit OP please please don't let her/him get to you. Some people just love making people feel bad. (S)he'll for sure deny that that's what she's trying to do and rabbit on about how their opinion is factual but no... it's not. They just get a kick out of bringing people down.

For what it's worth, I obtained my degree through the OU. Not only did it change my life, in my 30s, I have many many friends whom also changed their lives, either through the OU or another, non-Oxbridge uni, in their 30s and 40s. And are now happier than ever before.

Sure maybe some people regret travelling (there are always exceptions to the rule) but a much larger number of people regret not travelling more...

There are always negative people but you don't make something of yourself by being negative. Some people I know are sadly quite negative and because of their own attitude won't get what they want out of life. Those of my friends who are positive and have picked themselves up when knocked down have thrived. Maybe not all but with an attitude like pancake you might as well lie down and give up.

You will be fine, enjoy seeing the world :)

Btw I'm in 30s and despite my late start can ski and scubadive etc. You've also said you're pretty sure you don't want kids, so it means you won't have that massive expense :)

You’ll be fine. But I’m curious as to what being from Surrey has to do with anything!

hmmwhatatodo just because I'm so close to London- only about 30 minutes by train so the majority of my peers went into the city after graduating and I always felt somewhat behind in a way boring when I didn't. They all left for the exciting city life and I sodded off to work a hotel in the middle of nowhere :D

I knew I really wanted to travel for a year or more at some point before settling down into a career.

Pancake and Shellyboobs I'm not sure where I said that I wouldn't use travel for work experience / internship / short courses

If youre now saying that you plan to use your travels to build your cv, as opposed to starting on your career when you get back, that is a MASSIVE drip feed and not at all what you implied in your OP.

Now I have my career on track but trust me it is HARDER to go the extra mile when you dont have the youth on your side.

I did have the advantage of working in my field in my 20s in between travelling but stayed at entry level and didnt progress because it was just my "job" in between trips. Moving up the ladder now, which I have done, is doable but a slog.

Im not the only PP to regret dicking about in my 20s so we cant be THAT much of an "exception"

pancake eh? Who said you can't travel and do all those things ! Yes initially when I was 23 and just graduated I probably would've traveled just to travel but of course as I've gotten older I realise it'd be an advantage to do what I can while I'm away. Travelling means just that.. travelling around. you can do any manner of things whilst travelling around.

pancake also settling into a career isn't the same as doing short stints of Work experience and internships.

I do understand you regret your life choices and as do a few others on this post but overwhelmingly people are encouraging or saying they'd have liked to have travelled more when young. I think we all hear far more often of people regretting not doing stuff when young than being happy they were 100% sensible and conventional. Life is short ..

C'mon, Im now looking for overseas work experience is a TOTALLY different OP to Im going to go travelling and work on my career when I get back, and would have been an entirely different thread and you know it!

Drip.feed.

pancakeinmabelly you have to be the most cynical and negative person I've come across in a while.
It seems you regret a lot of your life choices and are projecting them into OP. She may not be able to take her kids skiing and snorkelling? well she's already said she doesn't want any so problem solved.

Even if OP hadn't initially thought of work experience while travelling, maybe other posters on here has made her realise it's a good idea and worth exploring that option. To claim she outright said she doesn't want to gain work experience while travelling is just your way of trying to fuck with her psyche and put words in her mouth. You seem like a deeply unhappy person and are projecting it onto OP.

I can't help but feel defensive here after seeing my older brother go through a very similar situation in his 20s and now at close to 40 is the happiest he's ever been in a career he didn't even get into until close to 30. Not everyone's life will end up shit just because it hasn't started perfectly.

Travelling means just that.. travelling around. you can do any manner of things whilst travelling around. on tourist visas you often cant.
People going on working holidays or study abroad breaks describe it as such because its often a different process, and not necessarily something you can tag on to tourist travelling (I've done both).