to ask if I've f*cked up

[pipandco]

Sometimes I have these moments of panic that I've fucked up in terms of a career...so here we go. Sorry if this ends up pretty long!

So I graduated 2015 age 23.

I'm from Surrey and most people I know went straight from uni into London on graduate schemes. I didn't feel at all ready for this- mainly because most were 2 year long schemes and I didn't want to commit to that especially as I was clueless as to what I wanted to do. On top of that (and this may sound silly to some or like a cop-out) but my self esteem was at it's all time lowest around this time. For various reasons my confidence had taken a dive from around age 19 and I almost didn't feel good enough for a "proper adult job." I just didn't want the suit-tie-commute-into-london-corporate-life that my peers were going for.

Not wanting to move home, I decided on a total whim to take a job in a hotel in a very remote location that offered accommodation. It was intending to stay until the end of the year but I ended up there for 14 months (September of 2016 I left.)

I knew I really wanted to travel for a year or more at some point before settling down into a career. I planned on doing this from around the end of 2016. However various things kept me at home- mainly family issues- that meant I really had to postpone. Again not wanting to commit to a career per se as I really wasn't sure how long I'd be around for, I ended up working in a family friend's cafe for a few months and then went onto nannying. A friend of my mum's was looking for a full time nanny. I had a fair bit of childcare experience so thought why not. I did that until January of this year.

Now finally I am off to do the travelling I always talked about. In March I am heading to NZ and will make my way around NZ, Aus, and SE Asia from there. I'll be working a little in Aus to keep the funds up.

It'll be around March 2019 that I get back, which will make me 2 months short of being 27.

I understand plenty of people have a career change at any age, but I really fear that employees will look at me and essentially wonder wtf I have been doing with myself since graduating in 2015. Hotel work, nannying, bits of retail/cafe work with no direction. I should stress that my work ethic isn't at question- I've worked consistently since age 15 and all through university. I definitely feel like my mental health was a big reason why I didn't go straight into the workforce. Then desperately wanting to travel meant I faffed around for far too long.

I'm also worried as I know I definitely don't want to work in London but am not sure where to head to! I've visited Manchester a lot and love it so am thinking perhaps there.

I know comparing oneself to others is a huge mistake but I can't help but see my peers on facebook going up in the world and I feel really lost and annoyed at myself for falling behind. I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do after my travels, but as I say I'm worried employees will think I'm a bit of a f*ck up. I also worry about getting on the property ladder. After my travels I should have around £20k left of savings, which obviously won't get me far!

Honest opinions would be amazing. Sorry for rambling!

Pancake, your reply is why I said 'not in the same way' in my pp. Yes of course there are other opportunities to travel later in life but doing so when you're young, with no kids back home to worry about (even when they're adult ) and no responsibilities is a pretty unique experience imo.

cricrichan You're not wrong to be honest. Although I wouldn't say I'm scared to "Work." I worked all through my GCSEs, Alevels, degree and since graduating my longest gap in working has been 2 months.

I don't regret that first year after uni where I worked in the hotel. As I say my mental health was not good by the end of my final year of uni. I couldn't bare the idea of heading straight off into a "career" type job (by this I mean a grad scheme in the city like most people I was at uni with were doing.) Living and working a beautiful, very remote location for a year did me the world of good. And as I say when I left there in Sept 2016 I fully intended on starting my travels later that year, returning what would've been around now (early 2018) age 25 and getting on with my career.

But life got in the way. Shit hit the fan at home with various family issues, I got ill myself and was in and out of hospital for a few months. I know that around early 2017 I should've at least explored internships/apprenticeships. I knew I still wanted to do my year of travel before embarking full on into a career but I absolutely should've done odd bits here and there. I guess at the time these other jobs came up, the nanny job was amazingly paid (London nannies don't do badly) and I thought "well this'll do for a while until I get myself on that plane"

So yeah you aren't wrong that I've been scared...a big part of this was my mental health after graduating but you're right I could've done more since. I just had this idea in my head that any graduate type role would want 2 year minimum commitment which I knew I couldn't give, so I didn't even properly explore my options

Tv/film is definitely a young persons game as far as getting a foot in the door goes. I have a couple of friends who worked in the industry. Have to be quite sociable with the right people. Need to be able to do the socialising as well as being very flexible and doing off hours.

Depending on the kinda roles you're after its contacts and experience you need not another degree.

Would an overseas internship in the industry work satisfy your travel bug? That would be 2 birds 1 stone.

Pancake I do see where you're coming from. I was in Fiji a few summers back and met an amazing couple in their 60s who'd been travelling the world for 18 months at that point. so of course you can do it the other way around but I Really feel like I want to "Get it out of my system" so to speak early on. I'm sure there's lots of people in their 40s/50s/60s who told themselves one day they'd travel, but life got in the way. careers/kids/relationshios...all sorts of responsibilities accumulate as we get older and for so many travelling becomes a pipedream. I know I am panicking but ultimately I also know that when I'm on my deathbed, I'll be saying to myself "I'm really glad I went off for that year in my 20s and saw the world" and hate the idea of thinking "damn.. I wish I'd gone and done it whilst I could."

"So yeah you aren't wrong that I've been scared..."

Are you certain though that another degree wouldn't just be another delay tactic?

Tbh I'd just fudge the traveling dates and cut out some of the shorter jobs, perhaps the nannying. You can justify some of it by saying that you were working and saving to go traveling

pancake I can't

oops pressed enter too soon hold up

I Was going to say pancake I can't help but feel like you are deliberately trying to put OP down...you clearly think that yes, she's too old and has fucked up. But what's done is done. She can't go back in time, she can't make herself younger. You are essentially telling her that she will struggle now getting on in a career, getting on the property lady, will be stressed about her mortgage until she's in her grave. How is this helping?

And for what it's worth OP a good friend of mine got into the TV industry age 29- now at 42 is earning £80k a year. To an extend yes TV/Film is a "young persons game" a lot is about getitng out there, meeting people, who you know etc. But if it's really your passion don't let people scare you into not giving it a go.

alotalotalot she shouldn't have to "justify" anything. it sounds like OP has worked consistently since graduating and has been delayed for various very legitimate reasons which she's outlined.

Honestly it's these attitudes that put youngsters these days under so much pressure and feel they need to be competing with their peers. Also that's hugely condescending to nannies... I know a nanny who makes close to 6 figures. nannying is not an embarrassing career.

Pancake no I don't want to do another degree. I'd be almost 30 by the time I finished + really don't want that debt.

She can't go back in time
I'm actually posting in reference her future plans: travel then another degree THEN career.
She's young and presumably energetic if world travel floats her boat, so could get serious now for a few years but doesn't plan to and that can bring her own regrets.

OP people love to live vicariously through others, "yeah go travel it'll be great" meanwhile they're overpaying on their mortgages and pensions to set themselves up for a comfortable middle age. I think you're overestimating how much value you'll put on your 20s when you're old and grey. You'll look back on your WHOLE life.

OP, I was similar to you, just quite a bit less straight forward.
I dropped out of uni, went travelling, then went back to do a uni degree at age 27 and graduated when I was 30. After graduation I started as a runner in TV. It was tough, I earned a pittance for half a year, and worked bloody hard, but then opportunities opened themselves up to me and I started directing the next year.
I think there is not "one fits all" way to happiness or success.
You live your own life, not somebody else's.
Enjoy your travels and I wish you all the best for your future.

Pancake no I don't want to do another degree. I'd be almost 30 by the time I finished + really don't want that debt.

Apologies I misunderstood I thought you wanted to do the film/tv degree that you didn't get to do first time round

"Those that "enjoyed" their 20s have stuggled in their 30s and 40s and have sod all pension so will likely struggle in old age"

TOTALLY different amongst my peers! We're all in our late thirties and very sorted with careers and pensions.

I say enjoy the world and its opportunities while you're young and carefree. I still travel now (until recently I was living in South America) but I'm much more jaded with more responsibilities. Different ball game.

"My friends who spent their 20s on their careers spent their 30s going on amazing holidays and in their 40s are set for life! Mortgages well on the way to being paid off, expensive hobbies, able to cut hours, travel and kick back and enjoy life"

Haha, I'm a Kiwi, our whole country is run by people who spent their 20s living abroad and partying before coming back to settle! We're all doing pretty well, some of us even have pension schemes!

OP, go, enjoy! Travelling is more rewarding when you're young and more willing to sleep in scungy hostels

OP not everyone is suited to or wants the classic corporate path. Just because you're getting pressure from all sides doesn't mean you should be doing it. Who gives a shit, actually. Living a good life is more important, with integrity and being a force for good. All the money and nice holidays in the world don't make someone a pleasant or worthwhile person.

OP - perhaps this real-life example (me) will give you hope that you haven't fucked up at all.

I went travelling with my BF for 18 months straight out of Uni, back in the early 80s when that was a very unusual thing to do. I had some of the best times of my life - we travelled around the world on very little money, did various odd jobs here and there to keep afloat, and learned a lesson which (IMO) has set me up for life in a way that nothing else could have done.

The lesson was "I can do anything if I put my mind to it" and it has stood me in good stead ever since.

Back in the UK I decided to train as a teacher, and then spent 3 years teaching. Realised it was the wrong career path for me. Decided to go travelling again. Travelled for a while, sometimes alone, other times with people I met on the way. Had a beautiful time, fell in love with New Zealand.

Decided I wanted to be come a Kiwi, so went back to the UK, packed up all my stuff, said goodbye to everyone and came back here to live.

Initially I got a job at an environmental agency, then I worked in HR for a government department and finally - at the age of 30-something - I found My Thing, which turns out to be web design. I've now been a web designer for over 25 years, some of it as an employee, mostly as a freelance contractor.

I own my own home (mortgage is paid off), I can work when I feel like it to some extent now. As I had a bunch of different "careers" early on, I've always assumed I have to sort out my own pension, so now I put the same amount of money I used to spend on paying off my mortgage into my investment plan. I'm doing OK.

Travelling while young gave me all of this, in a way. It gave me a sense of independence, it forced me out of my comfort zone, it taught me how to rely on myself while at the same time trusting that the Universe Will Provide (yeah, sorry, bit woo!). It showed me that anything is possible. It opened my eyes to new cultures, new ways of life, new ways to live and new ways to approach the world.

I was braver back then than I am now, and I did so many amazing things on my travels. I was free to go wherever took my fancy, with whoever I liked, for as long as I wanted to. There was nothing holding me back like there would be now. I sailed a two-person yacht to New Caledonia, rode elephants through the jungle in Thailand, picked grapes in 100-degree temperatures in Australia, lived on a commune in the back of beyond in NZ, went to a Royal Wedding in Bali and jammed with log drummers on the beach in Tahiti.

Yeah if I did it now I'd have a heck of a lot more money to do it with - but for me, back then, the most valuable thing I had, and which I spent with great glee, was time. And, if I hadn't gone travelling back then, I wouldn't be a Kiwi now.

Who knows what adventures await you - but my advice to you is to take your opportunity now. Go travelling. Find yourself. See the world and figure out your place in it. You won't regret it.

My DH graduated, went on a working holiday visa and stayed in NZ for several years of his 20's working hospitality and labouring jobs. Moved back to UK and took minimum wage data entry temp work, was made permanent and gradually worked his way up. Now nearly 40 he is in a role he enjoys (nothing to do with his degree), good money and good work/life balance. His parents did help us out with £10k deposit to buy a property but his travel certainly didn't disadvantage him in terms of career and opportunity. In fact I think many employers value staff with a broader perspective.

What do you want to do career wise?

My DSIS had her kids in her 20s went to uni when they did, and her career after that. There's no right or wrong time. Her DH has always had a good job. They have a lovely life. No pension really though. But a large house that they will downsize from when her career is finished.

Iwas 23 by the time I left uni

I was 23 when I started uni. Then dropped out. Then went back to work as a waitress. Progressed to management in a hotel, got engaged. Engagement broke off- hated being a manager. Left my flat, climbed the Himalayas (WTAF).

Spunked alllllll my money.

Now 27: married to my dream man! One gorgeous baby... no job but no worries. Good times good laughs good food good sex.

Chill, life will do what it does. Just enjoy the air you breathe

Chill, life will do what it does. Just enjoy the air you breathe

Abso-bloody-lutely.

I had a whale of a time from the day I left school at 16. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I ended up travelling the world one way or another. I had an absolute blast. I’m now getting on for 50 and been told I have a life limiting illness. Imagine if all I had to look back on was a job, mortgage and hours commuting into London. There’s a reason the morning trains always seem so morgue-like!

I came from Surrey as well and whilst some parts of it are lovely, it is the epitome of middle class conformity. Go and see the world first.

What is the point of all this worrying? You can’t change the past so forget about that. You’re going travelling, which, believe me, will be the best experience of your life. Any plans you make pre-travel will almost undoubtedly change because you’ll come back a different person so forget about trying to plan too. Just enjoy what you’re doing and stop sabotaging yourself with this pointless worrying.

Ah you need to travel! Getting out there might change your perspective, also most employers don’t really have the view that a year out travelling is a bad thing. Honestly people put too much emphasis on this idea of some kind of “perfect” cv and I never understand why, because employers really don’t. I lost out on a job years ago because I hadn’t had a year out travelling “because in a year or two you will want to go travelling as you haven’t done it yet!” Get away from the family pressures, see the world and see how you feel when you get back. Or alternatively, cancel the trip and get a career job. Tempted to do that? I think not!!!!