To feel awful about shouting at an older lady

[TheCrossKeys]

I got the bus today with the baby, 6yo, and 4yo. Baby started having a little whinge when we first got on so I gave her a banana out of the shopping bag and she was silent for the rest of the trip, stuffing her face. 4yo and 6yo were chatting quietly but not constantly, I was across the aisle from them and could barely hear them. I am not shy about telling my DC to quiet down when they're being too loud, I will remove them if they don't and they know this as a fact.

When it got close to the stop we needed, 6yo asked me if this was our stop - it's not a route we usually travel so she wasn't familiar with it - I said yes. The older lady (maybe late 60s?) in the seat behind me piped up in a really nasty voice "good, maybe it'll be quiet now". I asked her what she meant and she pointed at the baby and DD and said "I mean the amount of noise from that and that!". I said she was being very rude about young children who had been sitting quietly and minding their own business, other passengers agreed that they were sitting quietly. She then told me "they're a disgrace and so are you". So I lost my temper and told her she was a nasty fucking witch and was sheborn this bitter or did it develop over time. I then lost whatever dignity I had left and (to my absolute shame) told her to go fuck herself.

I am not a horrible person, I try to be kind and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been having a tough time lately and the DC have been so good during it all, they are not little angels all of the time but they really were being quiet and I simply lost my rag.

We have to use that same route again tomorrow and I'm dreading it in case she's on the bus again.

oh dear - if she's on the bus tomorrow, then you should apologise for your outburst and talk to her.

Obviously she was being unreasonable about your children - but really, just ignore. You do lose the moral high ground when you start shouting. And your kids don't need to see their mum lose it like that.

Its hard with little ones, I remember (I'm am older lady - nearly 50!) but some people don't remember or forget.

YANBU.
She referred to your children as that. Wtf Also if everyone agreed that they weren't being that loud I don't see her problem. They're children for gods sake, as long as they weren't carrying on woefully and disturbing everyone, which it sounds like they weren't

She was being nasty but oh my! you took that to a whole other not needed level..
Is it half term?

For the record you were unreasonable!

Yeah, that was a massive overreaction. She was being nasty and grumpy, but responding with aggressive swearing is another level altogether.

You know she was wrong and being unreasonable, why take anything that she said seriously?

I'm sure lots of people will tell you that was ageist and uncalled-for and vile, but if somebody had referred to my child as "that" I probably would have lost my shit as well. Horrible vicious baggage. If she's there tomorrow just totally blank her, and if she says anything, sing. Sing "In and out the dusty bluebells", over and over again. i would.

Not pleasant but just look forward and move on. You weren't right but you weren't wrong. Move on and if you see her tomorrow hopefully you will both be respectful

Sounds like a grouchy old woman. Killing with kindness would've been far more appropriate. Or maybe some sarcastic witty comment. I can be very childish in these sort of situations and would've probably said something like "ok we're off now. You have a nice day stewing in your own bitterness and anger" but probably in a sweet soft voice honestly you just sound incredibly stressed which is understandable with three small kids in half term but definitely were unreasonable. At least you can recognise that...

and for the record, now my DCs are grown up, I do have a MUCH lower tolerance for small children. The noise level that I would have been fine with, with MY kids - now, I honestly do have to grin and bear it, because I find it LOUD and annoying.

I just put my headphone on and listen to music if there are little kids on my train or bus.

She was UR, you were UR. I wouldn’t be worrying about apologising to her but I would be sitting my kids down to explain to them how wrong the shouting and swearing was.

You weren’t wrong to defend them though I think. Should have just left it at that point with dignity intact, as you say.

For one thing you’ve kind of proved her right in a way - you did become something she could consider a ‘disgrace’.

What???? You were U for swearing in front of your kids but she deserved what she got. Don’t apologise to her! How dare she verbally attack small children on a bus like that?

While it’s a shame you slightly lost it and swore at her, it’s nice for your kids to know you’ll defend them rather than just scurrying off and having them think they actually did something wrong.

What an awful, awful woman.

You were totally justified - she had no right to be so rude to your children
Her age has nothing to do with it
Apologise only to your kids for getting cross - explain why you did - that the woman was nasty - they were good- but that you should have ignored her really

Def don’t apologise to her if she’s on bus again!

She deserved it. Miserable old bag.

I congratulate you on your self control. Referring to your DCs as "it"! You have no need at all to feel bad. Have .

Tanterose im exactly the same. I have very low tolerance for noisy kids. Only ever go to adult-only restaurants and pubs! Not excusing the way she spoke to OP at all but a small part of me understands the frustration.

So telling someone to go fuck themselves is a proportionate response, in front of your 6 year old and 4 year old?

You shouldn’t feel bad because she’s an old woman; being older shouldn’t automatically get you respect. You should earn respect through being a kind and nice person, and she obviously isn’t one of those.

Honestly, don’t worry about it. Yeah, you overreacted and what you said wasn’t nice, but neither was what she said and perhaps she’ll think twice about spreading her hatred in future. She probably thinks because she’s old she won’t get called on it, when she absolutely should (just not as brutally!).

Good for you OP.

If she's on the bus again don't give the baby a banana

Of she's on the bus again etc your dcs to sit right next to her and get them to play 'I spy', loudly
I would of gone nuts tbh, if someone called my dc 'that' how very rude of her xx

I think you were rude.

I think she was a grumpy rude cunt.

Meh, you're fine. She had it coming.

Good for you for sticking up for your children.

Some people are just miserable.

She deserved everything she got. Respect to you.

She sounds awful and deserved a dressing down. You lost the moral high ground when you swore and probably reinforced her prejudices but she might think twice before she starts on another family. If she is on the bus again give everyone fruit, offer her one.